How to signal to men that I’m marriage material

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question is why are you "marriage material"?

+1 I'm wealthy and have a career. I expect the same from a partner.

That’s honestly your problem.

The kind of provider Alpha career-oriented high-earning man you are likely seeking doesn’t have the same criteria you do for selecting a mate. He literally isn’t going to care if you are wealthy with your own career. I mean that’s nice for you and all, but that isn’t a thing either way for these men. They simply want a pleasant, attractive, agreeable woman who will add value (not monetary necessarily but just elevated meaning and stress-free companionship) to his great life. He wants an emotionally encouraging supporter, someone who is proud of him and impressed by him and is happy to be a teammate. This doesn’t necessarily mean carry half the financial load.

[Anonymous]

I think the best way is make a female friend or two who runs in those circles. Richer women tend to be lonely and in need of friendship. She will introduce you and tell you where to find these men. Hotel bars, conventions , country clubs, airports etc etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, people want to marry their equal. Their equal in education, ambition. Their career equal. Are you expecting a better educated, higher earner than yourself? You shouldn't. If you insist on finding an unequal match, on making that your priority, you are ikely to end up with a spouse that doesn't respect you. Won't respect you as an equal.

That's harsh. Harsh to say. But you need to start from that point-of-view.

This isn’t true.
It’s what women like PP think men want but they don’t.
The just want peace in their home, an attractive woman who can carry a decent conversation without arguing about petty things, and sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question is why are you "marriage material"?

+1 I'm wealthy and have a career. I expect the same from a partner.

What’s your definition of “wealthy”?

[Anonymous]

They just want peace in their home, an attractive woman who can carry a decent conversation without arguing about petty things, and sex.

I'm not feeling the respect
PP I think you answered honestly but it's not what's best for women.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you asked this question in this way means you are not. You live your life, be the best person you can be whatever that means for you. If you find love, and it works, then you should marry. Anyone just looking for a spouse would make a horrible one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop having a “provider mindset.” This isn’t the 1950s.

I'm a feminist and I don't think it's anti-feminist to seek out a man who wants to be a provider (even though I didn't... maybe because I didn't). If you want kids, having a partner who will view it as his responsibility to make sure the family is financially provided for will give you a lot more options when the kids are small, and also helps to even things out a bit since women do all this unpaid labor around pregnancy and childbirth. Also, if you know up front you want to be a SAHM, you absolutely have to find someone who will be on board with that, which means finding someone who *wants* to be the sole earner during the years you aren't making money. I don't view wanting to be a SAHM as a 1950s attitude, especially if you just want to do it when your kids are young. Raising kids is important, under appreciated work, and if a family wants to set it up so that one person earns money to enable the other person to do that work, what's wrong with that? I also think if you want to SAHD, you should look for a woman who wants to provide for the family.

What is your definition of "feminist?" (Hint: It's not about making the choice to stay at home -- it's about economic equality).

Are you one of these women who think SAHM is limited to child-rearing only and that the housework should be equally shared? Because that's not the correct definition. A SAHM is what we used to call a "homemaker." Your job is to look after the children AND take care of the household. A lot of women today seem to think being a SAHM just means intensive mothering (i.e. being a nanny) and that their husbands should shoulder an equal burden of cooking and cleaning. That's not how it works. At least not in successful marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop having a “provider mindset.” This isn’t the 1950s.

I'm a feminist and I don't think it's anti-feminist to seek out a man who wants to be a provider (even though I didn't... maybe because I didn't). If you want kids, having a partner who will view it as his responsibility to make sure the family is financially provided for will give you a lot more options when the kids are small, and also helps to even things out a bit since women do all this unpaid labor around pregnancy and childbirth. Also, if you know up front you want to be a SAHM, you absolutely have to find someone who will be on board with that, which means finding someone who *wants* to be the sole earner during the years you aren't making money. I don't view wanting to be a SAHM as a 1950s attitude, especially if you just want to do it when your kids are young. Raising kids is important, under appreciated work, and if a family wants to set it up so that one person earns money to enable the other person to do that work, what's wrong with that? I also think if you want to SAHD, you should look for a woman who wants to provide for the family.

What is your definition of "feminist?" (Hint: It's not about making the choice to stay at home -- it's about economic equality).

Are you one of these women who think SAHM is limited to child-rearing only and that the housework should be equally shared? Because that's not the correct definition. A SAHM is what we used to call a "homemaker." Your job is to look after the children AND take care of the household. A lot of women today seem to think being a SAHM just means intensive mothering (i.e. being a nanny) and that their husbands should shoulder an equal burden of cooking and cleaning. That's not how it works. At least not in successful marriages.

We're all so lucky to have YOU to explain to others how all marriages with a SAHP should work!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop having a “provider mindset.” This isn’t the 1950s.

I'm a feminist and I don't think it's anti-feminist to seek out a man who wants to be a provider (even though I didn't... maybe because I didn't). If you want kids, having a partner who will view it as his responsibility to make sure the family is financially provided for will give you a lot more options when the kids are small, and also helps to even things out a bit since women do all this unpaid labor around pregnancy and childbirth. Also, if you know up front you want to be a SAHM, you absolutely have to find someone who will be on board with that, which means finding someone who *wants* to be the sole earner during the years you aren't making money. I don't view wanting to be a SAHM as a 1950s attitude, especially if you just want to do it when your kids are young. Raising kids is important, under appreciated work, and if a family wants to set it up so that one person earns money to enable the other person to do that work, what's wrong with that? I also think if you want to SAHD, you should look for a woman who wants to provide for the family.

What is your definition of "feminist?" (Hint: It's not about making the choice to stay at home -- it's about economic equality).

Are you one of these women who think SAHM is limited to child-rearing only and that the housework should be equally shared? Because that's not the correct definition. A SAHM is what we used to call a "homemaker." Your job is to look after the children AND take care of the household. A lot of women today seem to think being a SAHM just means intensive mothering (i.e. being a nanny) and that their husbands should shoulder an equal burden of cooking and cleaning. That's not how it works. At least not in successful marriages.

We're all so lucky to have YOU to explain to others how all marriages with a SAHP should work!!!!!

The post spoke a lot of truth and as expected some lazy women will see themselves in it and object.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, people want to marry their equal. Their equal in education, ambition. Their career equal. Are you expecting a better educated, higher earner than yourself? You shouldn't. If you insist on finding an unequal match, on making that your priority, you are ikely to end up with a spouse that doesn't respect you. Won't respect you as an equal.

That's harsh. Harsh to say. But you need to start from that point-of-view.

This has been true for 15-20 years now but many women don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, people want to marry their equal. Their equal in education, ambition. Their career equal. Are you expecting a better educated, higher earner than yourself? You shouldn't. If you insist on finding an unequal match, on making that your priority, you are ikely to end up with a spouse that doesn't respect you. Won't respect you as an equal.

That's harsh. Harsh to say. But you need to start from that point-of-view.

This isn’t true.
It’s what women like PP think men want but they don’t.
The just want peace in their home, an attractive woman who can carry a decent conversation without arguing about petty things, and sex.

This has been true for a long time…doctors marry doctors. Lawyers marry lawyers. No one wants to marry a secretary anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question is why are you "marriage material"?

+1 I'm wealthy and have a career. I expect the same from a partner.

Most wealthy and career driven men do not expect or even want the same out of a woman. They tend to be more traditional. They want a woman that cook, be a great mom, clean and look presentable.

Not true at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, people want to marry their equal. Their equal in education, ambition. Their career equal. Are you expecting a better educated, higher earner than yourself? You shouldn't. If you insist on finding an unequal match, on making that your priority, you are ikely to end up with a spouse that doesn't respect you. Won't respect you as an equal.

That's harsh. Harsh to say. But you need to start from that point-of-view.

This isn’t true.
It’s what women like PP think men want but they don’t.
The just want peace in their home, an attractive woman who can carry a decent conversation without arguing about petty things, and sex.

This has been true for a long time…doctors marry doctors. Lawyers marry lawyers. No one wants to marry a secretary anymore.

This is only coincedentally true, though. Men marry women that they are in proximity to. Women are in med schools and law schools now so they just happen to be in the orbit of other doctors and lawyers and get their MRS degree that way. Male doctors are not explicitly looking for female doctors to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, people want to marry their equal. Their equal in education, ambition. Their career equal. Are you expecting a better educated, higher earner than yourself? You shouldn't. If you insist on finding an unequal match, on making that your priority, you are ikely to end up with a spouse that doesn't respect you. Won't respect you as an equal.

That's harsh. Harsh to say. But you need to start from that point-of-view.

This isn’t true.
It’s what women like PP think men want but they don’t.
The just want peace in their home, an attractive woman who can carry a decent conversation without arguing about petty things, and sex.

This has been true for a long time…doctors marry doctors. Lawyers marry lawyers. No one wants to marry a secretary anymore.

At least for first wife. Second wife, I feel like this is back on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question is why are you "marriage material"?

+1 I'm wealthy and have a career. I expect the same from a partner.

Most wealthy and career driven men do not expect or even want the same out of a woman. They tend to be more traditional. They want a woman that cook, be a great mom, clean and look presentable.

So they want a glorified sugar baby.