How do you handle C's on report card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know Op.
It isn’t the C, it’s the lack of motivation and work ethic. I think take away devices until he checks in with you daily showing what is due, when, and confirming submission.

But you sometimes just have to love the child you have. You cannot force him to do well is he just doesn’t care and doesn’t want to

You can love him
But have consequences for his lack of effort and failures.
Make sure he knows he needs to be working fulltime or at school or apprenticeship or remedial HS at a community college or the military once HS is over.
You are there for emergencies but he needs to pick his path and live to his potential.
If historical is worker track at Best Buy then he should aim for that and go get a bunch of roommates in a house where you rent a room.

[Anonymous]

Unless you think this could be depression or anxiety (which are worth ruling out), honestly, I'd back off. If you are checking his assignments every day, he probably feels like you are hounding him while you feel like you're helping him. He needs to realize he needs help and to want to seek it out. Until then, he most likely won't respond positively to an EF coach. He has to want it.

I'd sit him down and let him know that you trust him to do his work and that you're there if he needs any help (or that you'd be happy to get him another EF coach or tutor, if that's what he wants). Then, I'd see what happens. This power dynamic sounds like it is damaging your relationship.

I'd also suggest the book The Self-Driven Child. Kids need connection, autonomy, and a sense of competence. I sense he feels all 3 are missing right now.

Once he's ready, outsourcing this help can really help your relationship with him - which is what is really most important.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the whole thread, but a C isn’t the end of the world. Like a lot of things, it depends. If they are trying their best and a C is the best they could manage, then that is fine- though additional help may be needed. If they get a C because they’re lazy and doing the bare minimum, then that’s a whole other issue.

[Anonymous]

NP. I have a SN kid and frequent the SN board on this site. I think you should take this post over there. There are many who are dealing with the same thing and will be looking at it from a different, more understanding angle. For neurotypical kids, the need to crack down makes sense, for 2E kids like yours, it just isn't going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I have a SN kid and frequent the SN board on this site. I think you should take this post over there. There are many who are dealing with the same thing and will be looking at it from a different, more understanding angle. For neurotypical kids, the need to crack down makes sense, for 2E kids like yours, it just isn't going to work.

This is good advice.
My ADHD son got behind in math and then didn’t understand what came next and that compounded the problem.
I got him a regular tutor to do 1 on 1 work to catch him up - ADHD kids (at least mine) can be especially sensitive to feeling different or “stupid” and shoot themselves in the foot by making it look like they want to fail.

[Anonymous]

I’m okay with one or two C’s depending on the subject. I was really good at a few things and despite hours of studying barely got C’s in others so I don’t really have an expectation that my kids are going to be good at all subjects. A couple C’s didn’t stop me from getting a decent job and living a good life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read the whole thread, but a C isn’t the end of the world. Like a lot of things, it depends. If they are trying their best and a C is the best they could manage, then that is fine- though additional help may be needed. If they get a C because they’re lazy and doing the bare minimum, then that’s a whole other issue.

Exactly.

And remember,

C’s earn degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is bringing home his first C on a report card. He's in 8th grade and has always been on the honor roll. He does have ADHD inattentive type, so school is a challenge, but we have the cognitive testing to prove that he's very intelligent and we've seen that he is very capable when he applies himself. We have been working with a psychiatrist since 3rd grade for medication management and I've always stayed on top of when changes need to be made or dosages adjusted. Regardless, the second half of this school year, he's really gotten a bad attitude about school. Almost feels like "senioritis". He hasn't been completing his assignments on time or in full. He argues with us when we check in about assignments. We refuse all devices until homework is done, but he's lied a few times about completion. I am in touch with his teachers.

Due to several missing assignments in math and several bad grades on assessments, he will be receiving a C. I would never punish him if he was trying his hardest and still got a C, but not turning in assignments and refusing help when he doesn't understand a new concept is unacceptable in our book. What would be an appropriate consequence?

OP how did you get a Inattentive ADHD diagnosis? I swear I have it, so does my father and now my teen son. But none of us have ever been able to get a diagnosis. Inattentive is very hard to diagnose since none of us are Hyperactive, or disruptive.

Your son's attitude is typical for the age. For consequences, restrict is devices, beware it things will get worse before they get better (Devise withdrawal) but he'll know that school and grades come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any grade below a B (so B- and below) we put screen controls until the ship is righted.

School is not hard, standards are watered down, there is no excuse for anything, but As, but Bs will be tolereated. A C is the F of the 1990s.

Maybe that’s true in public school but not in most private schools. They are what public schools used to be. My kid had 2-3 hrs of homework every night starting in MS. No retakes, late work gets a zero.

my kid is in a independent private school and they absolutely have retakes and in middle school NEVER has more than 2hrs HW a night.

[Anonymous]

c's get degrees. it's middle school. relax and let him eff off the last bit of the school year to be fully ready for 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

If the kid didn't understand the material, I would pay for a tutor. I would not punish the kid for not understanding the material. If the kid wasn't doing the work, I would take away their phone, sit with them, and watch them do their homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is bringing home his first C on a report card. He's in 8th grade and has always been on the honor roll. He does have ADHD inattentive type, so school is a challenge, but we have the cognitive testing to prove that he's very intelligent and we've seen that he is very capable when he applies himself. We have been working with a psychiatrist since 3rd grade for medication management and I've always stayed on top of when changes need to be made or dosages adjusted. Regardless, the second half of this school year, he's really gotten a bad attitude about school. Almost feels like "senioritis". He hasn't been completing his assignments on time or in full. He argues with us when we check in about assignments. We refuse all devices until homework is done, but he's lied a few times about completion. I am in touch with his teachers.

Due to several missing assignments in math and several bad grades on assessments, he will be receiving a C. I would never punish him if he was trying his hardest and still got a C, but not turning in assignments and refusing help when he doesn't understand a new concept is unacceptable in our book. What would be an appropriate consequence?

OP how did you get a Inattentive ADHD diagnosis? I swear I have it, so does my father and now my teen son. But none of us have ever been able to get a diagnosis. Inattentive is very hard to diagnose since none of us are Hyperactive, or disruptive.

Your son's attitude is typical for the age. For consequences, restrict is devices, beware it things will get worse before they get better (Devise withdrawal) but he'll know that school and grades come first.

I am not the OP but just got my 11yo DD an inattentive adhd diagnosis. We did it thru mcps although she is in private. No hyperactivity or disruptive behavior. 2 teachers had concerns about her work and info retention. I had concerns regarding tests and quizzes when I knew she knew the answers but did terribly on the tests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he has had a 504 since 3rd grade. I do not have ADHD, but I have done my best to understand him and his needs. I’ve read a lot, we’ve met with a therapist in years past, I’ve taken classes…I’m really trying.

Yes I truly am more worried about his work ethic, attitude and the way he’s blowing off his work and lying about it than I am about the C. His behavior in class is fine and teachers have always liked him. I think he flies under the radar because he is well-behaved in school.

NP - Since he has a 504, have you reached out to his counselor at school? Sometimes they know the best way to connect with the kid and start getting to the root of the problem. My DC has a 504 in FCPS and is part of the annual review now. It's an eye opener to get DC's thoughts on things that may work and the counselor's insight as to how the school works.

I also found having my kid in the 504 meeting really helpful.

I totally understand OP's frustration.
I don't stress out about 1 C but I convey that I expect it to be a B or higher next quarter or there will be a consequence.
Another idea is to see if you can find him a summer job or something like helping the elderly, mowing lawns or walking dogs. It really helped my kid improve work ethic and attitude.

[Anonymous]

Ask what he plans to do to fix it and discuss from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If the kid didn't understand the material, I would pay for a tutor. I would not punish the kid for not understanding the material. If the kid wasn't doing the work, I would take away their phone, sit with them, and watch them do their homework.

This, except a middle step when not doing the work, they get grounded until grades go up.
When that fails, then they do homework where we can see.