How do you handle C's on report card?

[Anonymous]

Lots of non ADHDers here. Punishing a kid for a disability they have is not going to help. The kid will continue to hide the problem and it will lead to not solving the problem. If you can afford it, get an Executive Function coach for your kid. I suspect this kid is upset with the C, frustrated with his inability to initiate or complete tasks as bright as he is. You need to have a heart to heart conversation about how he is getting distracted, what will work to help him start, complete , and turn in add on time. Lots of good books out there. ADDitude magazine has great free webinars by good coaches, it is how we found a coach for out ADHD kids who were unwilling to have a coach until they got unhappy with their grades and the steps they tried were not working. Is he on medication to treat this. The right medication at the right dose was part of the solution for my kids ( and me with a very late diagnosis, but helps make it easy for me to be understanding.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of non ADHDers here. Punishing a kid for a disability they have is not going to help. The kid will continue to hide the problem and it will lead to not solving the problem. If you can afford it, get an Executive Function coach for your kid. I suspect this kid is upset with the C, frustrated with his inability to initiate or complete tasks as bright as he is. You need to have a heart to heart conversation about how he is getting distracted, what will work to help him start, complete , and turn in add on time. Lots of good books out there. ADDitude magazine has great free webinars by good coaches, it is how we found a coach for out ADHD kids who were unwilling to have a coach until they got unhappy with their grades and the steps they tried were not working. Is he on medication to treat this. The right medication at the right dose was part of the solution for my kids ( and me with a very late diagnosis, but helps make it easy for me to be understanding.)

Did you even read my post? Or the follow up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of non ADHDers here. Punishing a kid for a disability they have is not going to help. The kid will continue to hide the problem and it will lead to not solving the problem. If you can afford it, get an Executive Function coach for your kid. I suspect this kid is upset with the C, frustrated with his inability to initiate or complete tasks as bright as he is. You need to have a heart to heart conversation about how he is getting distracted, what will work to help him start, complete , and turn in add on time. Lots of good books out there. ADDitude magazine has great free webinars by good coaches, it is how we found a coach for out ADHD kids who were unwilling to have a coach until they got unhappy with their grades and the steps they tried were not working. Is he on medication to treat this. The right medication at the right dose was part of the solution for my kids ( and me with a very late diagnosis, but helps make it easy for me to be understanding.)

Did you even read my post? Or the follow up?

Yes. You are asking about punishments.

I am guessing you don’t have ADHD. My husband does not either and he gets really frustrated as well and thinks the is the solution. You are just going to get more of the same. I see you set him up with an EF coach, etc. But he continues to obfuscate and deny there is an issue. I hear your frustration, he does too.

[Anonymous]

It would depend. Is he missing work? I would require work done as a condition of internet access. Is behavior in class acceptable? If so, a C is less concerning to me.

I have a kid who might do college but certainly not an elite one. He has some challenges and I’m a lot more concerned with ensuring a cooperative student who gets done what’s needed than I am worried about a grade of C.

I absolutely think it’s necessary to limit access to devices. But beyond that, I like the advice given in The Self Driven Child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of non ADHDers here. Punishing a kid for a disability they have is not going to help. The kid will continue to hide the problem and it will lead to not solving the problem. If you can afford it, get an Executive Function coach for your kid. I suspect this kid is upset with the C, frustrated with his inability to initiate or complete tasks as bright as he is. You need to have a heart to heart conversation about how he is getting distracted, what will work to help him start, complete , and turn in add on time. Lots of good books out there. ADDitude magazine has great free webinars by good coaches, it is how we found a coach for out ADHD kids who were unwilling to have a coach until they got unhappy with their grades and the steps they tried were not working. Is he on medication to treat this. The right medication at the right dose was part of the solution for my kids ( and me with a very late diagnosis, but helps make it easy for me to be understanding.)

Did you even read my post? Or the follow up?

Yes. You are asking about punishments.

I am guessing you don’t have ADHD. My husband does not either and he gets really frustrated as well and thinks the is the solution. You are just going to get more of the same. I see you set him up with an EF coach, etc. But he continues to obfuscate and deny there is an issue. I hear your frustration, he does too.

I was thinking the same thing. It is hard to understand the ADHD brain in general, worse when you don't have one. I think you gave great advice. I also think OP needs to consider a 504 for her son. The right accommodations can help. Sometimes just getting up and taking a walk can renew focus when the student returns to class. More time on assignments and tests can also help.

[Anonymous]

OP here- he has had a 504 since 3rd grade. I do not have ADHD, but I have done my best to understand him and his needs. I’ve read a lot, we’ve met with a therapist in years past, I’ve taken classes…I’m really trying.

Yes I truly am more worried about his work ethic, attitude and the way he’s blowing off his work and lying about it than I am about the C. His behavior in class is fine and teachers have always liked him. I think he flies under the radar because he is well-behaved in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he has had a 504 since 3rd grade. I do not have ADHD, but I have done my best to understand him and his needs. I’ve read a lot, we’ve met with a therapist in years past, I’ve taken classes…I’m really trying.

Yes I truly am more worried about his work ethic, attitude and the way he’s blowing off his work and lying about it than I am about the C. His behavior in class is fine and teachers have always liked him. I think he flies under the radar because he is well-behaved in school.

NP - Since he has a 504, have you reached out to his counselor at school? Sometimes they know the best way to connect with the kid and start getting to the root of the problem. My DC has a 504 in FCPS and is part of the annual review now. It's an eye opener to get DC's thoughts on things that may work and the counselor's insight as to how the school works.

[Anonymous]

Look, sometimes you need the kid to feel the pain. If he hears your frustration, anger, he thinks you are the problem, not the way to a solution. Kind of like telling a smoker to quit smoking that knows the hazards. It becomes a power struggle. Ask him how he feels about the grade. Is he proud of the work he has turned in. Listen. Don”t criticize. Let him sit with the problem. Ask if he wants your help or to try an EF coach. The first EF coach for my kids looked good on paper, but were awful and exacerbated the problem. My kids would not go by to an EF coach for MANY years. But first one did and then the other followed. They recognized that they couldn’t solve on their own. One person once said ADHD figure out how to solve things. Once they get out on the real world they will excel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my 6th grader gets a C on her report she loses her phone on school days until it’s back to a B. She only had her phone on weekends for like 2 months I think. She has all Bs now and 2 As. We’re having her assessed now for adhd or similar.

Because 2 As and the rest Bs means ADHD?

[Anonymous]

There are algebra review classes offered over the summer everywhere. It might be good to sign up for one, if the math concepts are too hard. This would provide a better footing from which to proceed next year. (It also sends the message that slacking off leads to summer school.)

[Anonymous]

Wow, this forum is crazy. Not everyone can be above average. Maybe OP's kid is just an average or below-average student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of non ADHDers here. Punishing a kid for a disability they have is not going to help. The kid will continue to hide the problem and it will lead to not solving the problem. If you can afford it, get an Executive Function coach for your kid. I suspect this kid is upset with the C, frustrated with his inability to initiate or complete tasks as bright as he is. You need to have a heart to heart conversation about how he is getting distracted, what will work to help him start, complete , and turn in add on time. Lots of good books out there. ADDitude magazine has great free webinars by good coaches, it is how we found a coach for out ADHD kids who were unwilling to have a coach until they got unhappy with their grades and the steps they tried were not working. Is he on medication to treat this. The right medication at the right dose was part of the solution for my kids ( and me with a very late diagnosis, but helps make it easy for me to be understanding.)

He is being treated for ADHD. You cannot blame every negative choice on ADHD. Her son is actively lying about turning in work, refusing parent help, refusing teacher help, refusing to do tasks he is capable of doing with help and resources in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this forum is crazy. Not everyone can be above average. Maybe OP's kid is just an average or below-average student.

That is very true. In addition, the OP notes her kid has gotten tested and has the ability, but his ADHD issues (procrastination, difficulty completing tasks look like laziness or lack of desire) and drive toward independence at his age are making managing this difficult. She is looking for other ideas.

[Anonymous]

Punishment isn’t for grades but lying. I also think you have to move beyond it just being about grades and more about how the executive function classes/coach/ organization benefit him. This is about helping him be his best self and that needs buy in from him and has to be about more than just being an honor roll student.

It can’t just be you telling him that he needs help by getting to understand how he wants help and also how he is seeing things. If it’s only one class that he is struggling with, understand where the struggle exist(content, organization, turning in assignments) and then reach solutions that work for everyone. Instead of you reviewing things every day maybe you agree to review everyone’s schedule and things due on Sunday evening. If it’s content, maybe you suggest a tutor but let him be part of the process in choosing the tutor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is bringing home his first C on a report card. He's in 8th grade and has always been on the honor roll. He does have ADHD inattentive type, so school is a challenge, but we have the cognitive testing to prove that he's very intelligent and we've seen that he is very capable when he applies himself. We have been working with a psychiatrist since 3rd grade for medication management and I've always stayed on top of when changes need to be made or dosages adjusted. Regardless, the second half of this school year, he's really gotten a bad attitude about school. Almost feels like "senioritis". He hasn't been completing his assignments on time or in full. He argues with us when we check in about assignments. We refuse all devices until homework is done, but he's lied a few times about completion. I am in touch with his teachers.

Due to several missing assignments in math and several bad grades on assessments, he will be receiving a C. I would never punish him if he was trying his hardest and still got a C, but not turning in assignments and refusing help when he doesn't understand a new concept is unacceptable in our book. What would be an appropriate consequence?

I would take away screens Sunday-Thursday and only work processors or monitored research.
Assuming school knows his DX is do another three way mtg and get him more help and monitoring. Team approach.