The Atlantic article - End the Phone Based Childhood now

[Anonymous]

omg, some parents give phones to pre-teens. Not me, not ever. It will be 13 and depend on grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people saying "it's not the phones, it's social media/lazy parenting/lax schools/etc." -- do you ever think about your relationship with your phone?

Over the last few years I've been thinking hard about this both as a parent (my kid is in early elementary and doesn't have a phone or a tablet but an alarming number of her classmates have one or both) but also as a person. The more I think about it, the more I think the intimacy of handheld devices is a problem in and of itself, and one that has been made exponentially worse by the advent of the smart phone, app-based interfaces, and of course, social media.

You block out the world. Think of the time you spend clutching your phone on the metro, in the doctor's waiting room, sitting on a bench at the playground, as a way to avoid eye contact with people on the street. Holding your phone on the couch while you watch TV. In bed while your partner does the same next to you. Really think about how much time you spend looking at that little screen, poking at it, looking for information, distraction, cheering up, validation.

And it's not just social media because guess what, I got rid of all the social media on my phone (including DCUM -- I'm typing this on my laptop right now) and I still have what I consider to be an unhealthy relationship with my phone. I browse the internet, play games, shop. I read the news, check the weather. Email, text, group chats. Even without social media, my phone is too important to me.

I increasingly want to get rid of it. No more smart phone. A dumb phone where I could call and text but nothing else maybe. I could make the adjustment for work -- I WFH so I can rely on my laptop for email.

I don't want my kid to live like this. There is something wrong with it. And it's not just about social media (though social media is horrible, for sure).

I don't do any of this with my phone. I don't have social media other than a LinkedIn account I never use, and come on sites like DCUM on my laptop to learn about topics that interest me. I don't use my phone to hide away from anyone, don't use it on the metro, or to avoid eye contact, or anything like that. I don't play games on it either. I use it for what I need it for, and then put it away. And I teach my kid to do the same.

It's a tool, and a massively useful one. But ultimately, you are the one who is supposed to be in control of the phone, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

I do agree -- the hardest part of teaching a kid how to use a phone is to figure out how to use it yourself. Most parents are horrible about their own cellphone use, so it's no wonder they don't know how to teach kids how to use phones responsibly.

[Anonymous]

My prediction is that in a decade or two we will look back at cellphones for kids in the same way we look back at teen smoking now. Growing up in the 80s teen smoking was seen as bad but tolerated- we had designed areas at my highschool where kids could smoke and parents would wag their fingers at us but ultimately shrug their shoulders and say smoking was just part of American culture. Now teen smoking is shocking and we can’t even imagine how it was tolerated a couple of decades ago.

[Anonymous]

We were a family that did no phones until summer before 9th grade. Kids are happy and healthy and still have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how you can separate the two, really. It's not like kids are on their phones reading the news. Seems a lot of parents are pretty touchy about this, either because of their own tech/SM addiction or they've already relented where their kids are concerned. It'd seem prudent to me to ban them from the classroom, at least.

We do! My kid is not allowed on social media. PERIOD! She does not have it! She does text her friends and look things up on the internet - like get directions to the restaurant. OR What is the distinct different between teal and turquoise? She does check her grades compulsively though, which I hate, but that’s still not social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omg, some parents give phones to pre-teens. Not me, not ever. It will be 13 and depend on grades.

It depends on the maturity of the kid. If you cannot see that then your parenting methodology needs to be reevaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:omg, some parents give phones to pre-teens. Not me, not ever. It will be 13 and depend on grades.

It depends on the maturity of the kid. If you cannot see that then your parenting methodology needs to be reevaluated.

YUP. Gave our oldest a phone when he was 11. He could handle it and used it to navigate his way around town by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If instagaram and tik tok etc didn’t exist phones would be used for information and communication only. It’s the constant portraying of images of unattainable life and fake happiness that makes people depressed.

This is so true! I got my first cell phone in 4th grade, as did most of my peers. We turned out fine, because phones didn't have Internet access or social media apps back in 2005!

This is OP and this just makes me feel old haha. I got my first phone my freshman year of college. I can't even imagine having a phone in 4th grade! My 3rd grader definitely won't have a phone next year.

Ha! Yeah, another genX here. I got my first phone after grad school when I started working at the largest company in the world - and it wasn’t a tech company! It was a good old Nokia flip phone. Blackberries were a thing of the past at that point too - 2006(?)

My kids got theirs when they “graduated” elementary for middle. They were mature enough to handle it and I needed to be able to find them after sports/extracurriculars, so it was as much for me as them.

[Anonymous]

Another parent here with no cell phones til high school. It is taken away if grades drop and returned when they improve. It is a privilege, not a necessity.

[Anonymous]

Now that this information (good data from a reliable source)is available I’m definitely pushing back my kids smart phone age. They’re going into 5th & will possibly just get simple flip to text and call.

I’m going to look at the parents who buy smart phones for their elementary/middle school students very harshly now too. It’s toxic and unhealthy for the kids. But for some parents they prefer a zoned out pre-teen looking at a screen all day. Then they don’t have to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another parent here with no cell phones til high school. It is taken away if grades drop and returned when they improve. It is a privilege, not a necessity.

You sound like a good parent! We need more like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My prediction is that in a decade or two we will look back at cellphones for kids in the same way we look back at teen smoking now. Growing up in the 80s teen smoking was seen as bad but tolerated- we had designed areas at my highschool where kids could smoke and parents would wag their fingers at us but ultimately shrug their shoulders and say smoking was just part of American culture. Now teen smoking is shocking and we can’t even imagine how it was tolerated a couple of decades ago.

Yes I agree! After reading this article it’s gross to give your elementary/middle school child a smart phone. Even if they’re an amazing kid it’s so bad for them. I feel like a lot of people commenting didn’t even read the article or see the data.

[Anonymous]

I see "Jonathan Haidt" and "the Atlantic" and I know it's going to be some hot take that just pisses me off, because Haidt ruins everything. He even made me turn off "Hidden Brain," and I love Hidden Brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see "Jonathan Haidt" and "the Atlantic" and I know it's going to be some hot take that just pisses me off, because Haidt ruins everything. He even made me turn off "Hidden Brain," and I love Hidden Brain.

Funny, I have the opposite reaction when I see it's something he's written.