The Atlantic article - End the Phone Based Childhood now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But just like cigarette smoking in the 70s/80s, kids are not idiots and pick up on hypocrisy. My kids don’t have social media— but neither do I.

You are using it right now boo

Haha exactly! What’s the difference? To be addicted to dcum or addicted to instagram? One is not better than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people saying "it's not the phones, it's social media/lazy parenting/lax schools/etc." -- do you ever think about your relationship with your phone?

Over the last few years I've been thinking hard about this both as a parent (my kid is in early elementary and doesn't have a phone or a tablet but an alarming number of her classmates have one or both) but also as a person. The more I think about it, the more I think the intimacy of handheld devices is a problem in and of itself, and one that has been made exponentially worse by the advent of the smart phone, app-based interfaces, and of course, social media.

You block out the world. Think of the time you spend clutching your phone on the metro, in the doctor's waiting room, sitting on a bench at the playground, as a way to avoid eye contact with people on the street. Holding your phone on the couch while you watch TV. In bed while your partner does the same next to you. Really think about how much time you spend looking at that little screen, poking at it, looking for information, distraction, cheering up, validation.

And it's not just social media because guess what, I got rid of all the social media on my phone (including DCUM -- I'm typing this on my laptop right now) and I still have what I consider to be an unhealthy relationship with my phone. I browse the internet, play games, shop. I read the news, check the weather. Email, text, group chats. Even without social media, my phone is too important to me.

I increasingly want to get rid of it. No more smart phone. A dumb phone where I could call and text but nothing else maybe. I could make the adjustment for work -- I WFH so I can rely on my laptop for email.

I don't want my kid to live like this. There is something wrong with it. And it's not just about social media (though social media is horrible, for sure).

+1 This is spot on. Social media is terrible for kids, but it's so much more than that. It's the way the device has rewired our brains and our ability (or inability) to think and focus. I forgot my phone at home and was away from the precious for almost four hours, and let me tell you, that was an eye-opening experience. Not only was I horrified by my own desperate craving for it, but I also watched how other people were interacting with their devices. It wasn't good. Phones are a part of our society, and they are very useful at times, but do not fool yourself into thinking that they aren't fundamentally changing us. And if they are changing us adults, think about what that means for kids with brains that are not fully developed.

Re: your kid will not have a social life if they don't have a phone. Yes and no. There's no perfect one-size-fits-all solution, but as parents, we have to help our kids navigate this balancing act by teaching them to be mindful about their usage--and the only way to do that is to be mindful about your own usage. Screen time limitations via parental controls are all pretty much bs designed to lure us into thinking we have control over how the device impacts our kids. These devices are far more powerful than any of us.

The hive or everyone else is doing it mentality is awful too. When I drive by the bus stop and see every single kid on their phone, no one interacting, it makes me genuinely sad. Our youngest kid's school does not allow phones and guess what? The kids actually TALK to each other when they are waiting for pick up.

[Anonymous]

Spineless parents won’t say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If instagaram and tik tok etc didn’t exist phones would be used for information and communication only. It’s the constant portraying of images of unattainable life and fake happiness that makes people depressed.

This is so true! I got my first cell phone in 4th grade, as did most of my peers. We turned out fine, because phones didn't have Internet access or social media apps back in 2005!

This is OP and this just makes me feel old haha. I got my first phone my freshman year of college. I can't even imagine having a phone in 4th grade! My 3rd grader definitely won't have a phone next year.

I was a year out of college when I got my first phone (2002).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people saying "it's not the phones, it's social media/lazy parenting/lax schools/etc." -- do you ever think about your relationship with your phone?

Over the last few years I've been thinking hard about this both as a parent (my kid is in early elementary and doesn't have a phone or a tablet but an alarming number of her classmates have one or both) but also as a person. The more I think about it, the more I think the intimacy of handheld devices is a problem in and of itself, and one that has been made exponentially worse by the advent of the smart phone, app-based interfaces, and of course, social media.

You block out the world. Think of the time you spend clutching your phone on the metro, in the doctor's waiting room, sitting on a bench at the playground, as a way to avoid eye contact with people on the street. Holding your phone on the couch while you watch TV. In bed while your partner does the same next to you. Really think about how much time you spend looking at that little screen, poking at it, looking for information, distraction, cheering up, validation.

And it's not just social media because guess what, I got rid of all the social media on my phone (including DCUM -- I'm typing this on my laptop right now) and I still have what I consider to be an unhealthy relationship with my phone. I browse the internet, play games, shop. I read the news, check the weather. Email, text, group chats. Even without social media, my phone is too important to me.

I increasingly want to get rid of it. No more smart phone. A dumb phone where I could call and text but nothing else maybe. I could make the adjustment for work -- I WFH so I can rely on my laptop for email.

I don't want my kid to live like this. There is something wrong with it. And it's not just about social media (though social media is horrible, for sure).

+1. I feel exactly, exactly this way. My kid is 11 and does not have a phone. She knows the plan is that she can have a phone in 8th grade, but no social media. I'm aware that my behavior patterns until then have to change. Phone can't be in my hand or in front of my face all the time. Being aware of how frequently that was happening was alarming. I pictured her walking around with this thing all the time, felt horrified, and knew I had to change first.

[Anonymous]

PP above, also I have no social media, and do what PP does. I read the news, shop, text, check the weather. But too much phone interaction. Not enough books or just...other stuff. Am working on it.

[Anonymous]

I'm connecting with the posts about evaluating your own phone use as an adult. As I type this I'm on my laptop eating my lunch. I feel shame I didn't feel like I could sit down and JUST eat my lunch, maybe look out the window while chewing and just be with my thoughts. Instead I opened the laptop and starting scrolling DCUM in-between bites. Sad sad sad. And this is what our children see us doing. No matter how much we lock down the phone or restrict social media, there is still TOO MUCH interaction with a screen for everyone, period. We will see the effects in 20 years time and we will feel so foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/03/teen-childhood-smartphone-use-mental-health-effects/677722/

"Early 2010s. By now you’ve likely seen the statistics: Rates of depression and anxiety in the United States—fairly stable in the 2000s—rose by more than 50 percent in many studies from 2010 to 2019. The suicide rate rose 48 percent for adolescents ages 10 to 19. For girls ages 10 to 14, it rose 131 percent."

The data and information has been out there for quite a while but this is so alarming. I personally plan on holding off on phones/social media as long as humanly possible for my kids, especially my girls.

another boomer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Haidt

Thanks for the link. He’s an impressive guy.

Another educated individual who’s giving his findings based on solid data. You don’t have to agree with him but unlike you his education and lifetime of work qualifies him to write about this.

[Anonymous]

Op - the hardest thing for me is that I love to read and read the kindle app on my phone. I realize to my kids it looks like I am just mindlessly scrolling on the internet.

I do have a kindle featherweight but most of the time I forget to charge it. And having the kindle app allows me to read sooo many more books than having the hard copy.

I tried to buy hard copy books when I was traveling but I read both my books on the flight over to my destination and then bought more books on my phone!

[Anonymous]

And, yet, here you re on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, yet, here you re on social media.

I don't considerer DCUM as social media. Does everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, yet, here you re on social media.

I don't considerer DCUM as social media. Does everyone else?

No
Forums are the grandparents of social media as we know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm connecting with the posts about evaluating your own phone use as an adult. As I type this I'm on my laptop eating my lunch. I feel shame I didn't feel like I could sit down and JUST eat my lunch, maybe look out the window while chewing and just be with my thoughts. Instead I opened the laptop and starting scrolling DCUM in-between bites. Sad sad sad. And this is what our children see us doing. No matter how much we lock down the phone or restrict social media, there is still TOO MUCH interaction with a screen for everyone, period. We will see the effects in 20 years time and we will feel so foolish.

I had surgery a couple months ago and when I was coming out of anasthesia, apparently the first thing I asked for was my phone. Not to see my spouse, or my kids, or for water or something to eat, or a blanket, or even how the procedure had gone. I wanted my phone, to feel connected. I mentioned it to my recovery nurse and she said it's common -- most people ask for their phones within moments of coming to.

That's... interesting. I mean, in my defense I do think that asking for my phone was partially a WAY of asking for my family and friends -- I think I probably wanted to text my spouse or check for messages from friends, because having surgery was scary and it's strange being put under. But my spouse was at the hospital and was with me shortly after that. There were all these people around me checking on me and making sure I was okay. I do think it's kind of strange that the most comforting thing I could think to do in that moment (while, it must be said, I was still on a ton of pain meds and not thinking straight) was hold my phone in my hands and look at the screen. I just don't know how I feel about it. It really does make me want to go on a tech diet.

But then of course when I was recovering from surgery, I was lonely and bored at home and what did I turn to? Screens, especially my phone. I was too doped up to read a book and after the first couple days, my husband had to go back to the office, so I spent most days tethered to my phone which was how I communicated with friends and family and my medical team, how I remembered when to take which medications, and entertained myself with podcasts and DCUM. Before phones, I probably would have slept more. And my DH likely would have had to take more time off to help me. And it probably would have been better in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, yet, here you re on social media.

I don't considerer DCUM as social media. Does everyone else?

I consider forums different from social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter/X, TikTok). Especially a forum like DCUM which is almost entirely text-based (instead of heavy on memes and gifs and photos) and which is anonymous. It gets used in a totally different way. It's still a relationship mitigated by a screen (which is an issue), but it does not have the social competition and hierarchies you see on those other platforms. There aren't even "likes" or "follows" which I think are one of the main ways those platforms become toxic, especially for kids.

There's also a category of social media that I think are not very problematic because they aren't that popular. Like I don't think Pinterest or LinkedIn are leading causes of depression. I could be wrong, I guess. But I think it's Facebook/Instagram that are the biggest issues in terms of mental health, and then I think Twitter and TikTok can have mental health impacts plus are such major sources of misinformation as to be a social ill.

[Anonymous]

Lazy parents. Beyond lazy.

"Parent" is a verb. I love watching parents and kids trip all over themselves in the streets watching their phones instead of their surroundings.

Just last Saturday a mom with a baby strapped to her chest fell forward onto her baby due to staring at her phone. I said to her to that her baby is more interesting than her phone.