Vent from a very pregnant lady on the Metro

[Anonymous]

Welcome to metro. I commuted by metro daily to 41 and 39 weeks with 2 pregnancies and can count on one hand the number of times I was offered a seat. However most people would give me one if asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 7 months pregnant and took the metro yesterday during rush hour to downtown dc. I work from home, so I'm not usually on the metro but I am quite frustrated and annoyed with the other passengers on my ride.

Given that it was rush hour, the car was crowded and there were "no" seats to be had. I placed the no in quotes because technically there were empty seats but people placed their shopping bags/purses next to them or were using an entire seat as a chaise lounge with their feet stretched out to the end, leaving no room. So I had to stand very visibly pregnant without a single person moving their legs or bags to make room. I was especially annoyed with the several people closer to me towards the front of the car who I made eye contact with and never moved their bags or legs, including someone who looked to be an able-bodied adult male.

Is chivalry or polite gestures this dead? I'm not looking for over-the-top accommodations, but I assumed it would be the polite thing to move your things or feet and make room for a pregnant lady.

I recognize that I could have asked passengers to move their bags or legs, but I take placing bags on seats - and especially using a seats as your leg rest - to be hostile acts and I hate confrontation. I just thought it was polite and standard practice to make all seats available in any situation, but ESPECIALLY when a rider is very obviously pregnant.

Sorry for the rant (blame it on the pregnancy hormones) - I was just very disappointed with the lack of manners displayed on that ride. Has anyone else experienced this or do passengers usually make room for pregnant ladies?

I offered my seat to a pregnant woman, she got really angry because she turned out to be just fat, so i stopped doing it

So next time, if the train is crowded, and you arent disabled or ill, just get up and make the seat available. You dont have to announce to any one person that the seat is for them.

If you do that, another person who doesn’t need it will take it. Just offer it to someone who looks like they might need it without offering an explanation. They can say no if they want but standing while fat probably isn’t comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women have gotten *really* nasty and mad when offered a seat on metro before. Lesson learned, never again.

You are full of shit. I rode the metro for 15 years and offered my seat to all kinds of people. Never once did anyone get angry. They have politely declined a few times which is fine. You’re just trying to justify your incredibly bad manners with made up shit.

[Anonymous]

I can’t stand people who whine and don’t speak up. It’s perfectly acceptable for ask someone to move their bags.

[Anonymous]

I took Metro through my first pregnancy. Tourists were usually the first to offer me seats. Often I preferred to stand since my ride was only 5 stops and it was easier to remain standing than maneuver from seats to the doors.

I am also very conflict avoidant but would have no problem asking someone to remove their bag or feet from a seat, especially if visibly pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took Metro through my first pregnancy. Tourists were usually the first to offer me seats. Often I preferred to stand since my ride was only 5 stops and it was easier to remain standing than maneuver from seats to the doors.

I am also very conflict avoidant but would have no problem asking someone to remove their bag or feet from a seat, especially if visibly pregnant.

Interesting it was the tourists who gave you their seats.

Other cultures seem to have much more civilized metro norms. The last time I was in Colombia, i witnessed people immediately stand up and offer their seats to pregnant women, women carrying babies, elderly individuals, etc. No one had to ask.

[Anonymous]

I was trying to get on a train while visibly pregnant (7 months?) and a man elbowed me to get on more quickly. He apologized when I saw I was pregnant. Still, rude, rude, rude. Shouldn't be elbowing anyone to get on a train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop standing (ha!) on ceremony. "Could I sit there?" is all it takes for people to move their bags. Be assertive.

This.

And you can use the handicapped seats. But seething silently does nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FFS: ask them to move. I kicked out an anti abortion kid who wouldn't give a seat to me when I was 9mo. along. I looked her in the eye and said, get out. She did. I also asked various metro riders too but was nice to them. Nobody objected ever.

I love this. Well done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pregnancy is not a disability OP. Get over yourself.

You’re a shit person.

It’s really not in most cases. Yes I’ve had kids.

People are different and their pregnancies are, as well. I’m glad your pregnancy was mild enough that standing on a metro wouldn’t have been a problem. It’s not that way for everyone. Be grateful for your good fortune rather than castigating others for their misfortune.

Moreover, when did disability become a requirement for manners? I always thought you should help others who were LESS able in a given situation, not just those who were DISabled. If someone is pregnant, older, has young kids, is carrying a lot, or just looks tired/sick/weak, and I judge that I can stand easier than they can, I give up my seat. Manners should not be something we do when we’re guilted into it, it should be something we do because we have empathy and compassion for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's common curtesy to move your bags onto your lap to open up the seat next to you once the train or bus reaches standing room only. No one should have to ask and it shouldn't be something that is only done when someone with a physical disability is present.

It is also curtesy, though not common these days, to get up and give your seat to a child, a parent with their young child, an elderly person, someone who is pregnant, someone with an obvious physical limitation like crutches. You don't have to say anything to call it out. Just get up and make the seat available. If the person doesn't want it, then they won't take it.

Most of these, sure, but no it is not "common courtesy", nor a reasonable expectation, that my not visibly disabled DH would give up his seat for a child. Or me after a long work day really. Let's not try to make this a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's common curtesy to move your bags onto your lap to open up the seat next to you once the train or bus reaches standing room only. No one should have to ask and it shouldn't be something that is only done when someone with a physical disability is present.

It is also curtesy, though not common these days, to get up and give your seat to a child, a parent with their young child, an elderly person, someone who is pregnant, someone with an obvious physical limitation like crutches. You don't have to say anything to call it out. Just get up and make the seat available. If the person doesn't want it, then they won't take it.

Most of these, sure, but no it is not "common courtesy", nor a reasonable expectation, that my not visibly disabled DH would give up his seat for a child. Or me after a long work day really. Let's not try to make this a thing.

It is a thing, actually. I'm disabled myself, but courteous enough that I've still given up a seat for someone who needs it more than me.

[Anonymous]

During my first pregnancy 10 years ago there were many ppl who gave up their seats to me. During my 2nd pregnancy 7 years ago I noticed a notable change. Far less ppl cared.

Just one data point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's common curtesy to move your bags onto your lap to open up the seat next to you once the train or bus reaches standing room only. No one should have to ask and it shouldn't be something that is only done when someone with a physical disability is present.

It is also curtesy, though not common these days, to get up and give your seat to a child, a parent with their young child, an elderly person, someone who is pregnant, someone with an obvious physical limitation like crutches. You don't have to say anything to call it out. Just get up and make the seat available. If the person doesn't want it, then they won't take it.

Most of these, sure, but no it is not "common courtesy", nor a reasonable expectation, that my not visibly disabled DH would give up his seat for a child. Or me after a long work day really. Let's not try to make this a thing.

It’s always been a thing until a few years ago when selfishness and lack of manners became a thing. So you sit while a two year old who can’t even stand and hold onto something is bouncing all over the train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's common curtesy to move your bags onto your lap to open up the seat next to you once the train or bus reaches standing room only. No one should have to ask and it shouldn't be something that is only done when someone with a physical disability is present.

It is also curtesy, though not common these days, to get up and give your seat to a child, a parent with their young child, an elderly person, someone who is pregnant, someone with an obvious physical limitation like crutches. You don't have to say anything to call it out. Just get up and make the seat available. If the person doesn't want it, then they won't take it.

Most of these, sure, but no it is not "common courtesy", nor a reasonable expectation, that my not visibly disabled DH would give up his seat for a child. Or me after a long work day really. Let's not try to make this a thing.

I'm the PP you're responding to. I don't think anyone expects that EVERY adult stands up to offer their seat. A lot of the people on the train or bus probably have some reason they are sitting - invisible disability, a heavy bag, bad shoes, whatever. The general idea is that if you can and the need is clear, you offer your seat to someone who needs one more than you do. You're an adult and so is your husband. You can judge if/when you are able to stand and when you cannot.