50/50 custody in practice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

There are moms who do more than you and expect fewer gold stars/people to care what they’re “really sick and tired of”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in divorce mediation, and we agree to 50/50 custody. But how does it work in practice if you do not want your children living out of a suitcase? Ex wife will be staying in the district and honestly it is kind of ridiculous to have to drag our kids in and out of the district either some days a week or every other week etc. So, this makes me think that the 50/50 custody that everyone talks about is only practical if both parents are in the same school district, otherwise the kids will suffer with the commute. My ex is staying in the house. I cannot afford to live in the district. As much as I want to see my kids more often, I may have to make some sacrifices and have them just weekends to spare them unnecessary travel.

If you choose to not prioritize your children, go for it. But don’t pretend you are doing it for them. Lots of people make this work. You just don’t care enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

There are moms who do more than you and expect fewer gold stars/people to care what they’re “really sick and tired of”

He did not ask for gold stars. There we go again......He is just saying they are dads who also do the lion share and they don't complain about it as much the women here do. Do you get that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in divorce mediation, and we agree to 50/50 custody. But how does it work in practice if you do not want your children living out of a suitcase? Ex wife will be staying in the district and honestly it is kind of ridiculous to have to drag our kids in and out of the district either some days a week or every other week etc. So, this makes me think that the 50/50 custody that everyone talks about is only practical if both parents are in the same school district, otherwise the kids will suffer with the commute. My ex is staying in the house. I cannot afford to live in the district. As much as I want to see my kids more often, I may have to make some sacrifices and have them just weekends to spare them unnecessary travel.

If you choose to not prioritize your children, go for it. But don’t pretend you are doing it for them. Lots of people make this work. You just don’t care enough.

He makes good and valid points. He is saying that he would prefer his kids to be primarily in one home. In my opinion, that is reasonable. Those who claim to make it work think it works and perhaps it does. Only their adult children can tell us ....

[Anonymous]

Do not do every other weekend. There are other schedules, like a 2-2-5-5 and I have known families who do that.

Do whatever you have to to live in the same school district. Rent, rent a smaller place, rent an apartment, townhouse, borrow money, whatever you have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did EOW for two years. My kids HATED it but dad would not agree to anything less. Then I touched the third rail of divorced parenting and moved out of state leaving my teens with their dad. Guess what? They are happier and doing better with one consistent home and spending breaks with me. I also visit them often and they can stay with me at my mom or brother’s houses or just see me during the day when I’m in town. EOW or any sort of 50/50% is awful for kids and I would never endorse it.

Do you pay him child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in divorce mediation, and we agree to 50/50 custody. But how does it work in practice if you do not want your children living out of a suitcase? Ex wife will be staying in the district and honestly it is kind of ridiculous to have to drag our kids in and out of the district either some days a week or every other week etc. So, this makes me think that the 50/50 custody that everyone talks about is only practical if both parents are in the same school district, otherwise the kids will suffer with the commute. My ex is staying in the house. I cannot afford to live in the district. As much as I want to see my kids more often, I may have to make some sacrifices and have them just weekends to spare them unnecessary travel.

If you choose to not prioritize your children, go for it. But don’t pretend you are doing it for them. Lots of people make this work. You just don’t care enough.

He makes good and valid points. He is saying that he would prefer his kids to be primarily in one home. In my opinion, that is reasonable. Those who claim to make it work think it works and perhaps it does. Only their adult children can tell us ....

He is choosing to live in a different city than his children. That sickens me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

That's great. I don't doubt that it's a nongendered issue, and there are other dads like you who are the default parents. I'm a mom who does 95% of all the actual parenting (doctors, dentists, school conferences, driving to and from all activities, attending games, making sure homework gets done). I don't receive any child support. I pay for 100% of all health insurance, activities, clothes, sports equipment, everything. I'm okay with all of that. The only time I complain is when my ex (and his new wife) push for parenting time but then tell our kid he can't go participate in a school concert that is required for a music class or can't play a team sport because they don't want to drive him to practices or allow me to drive him to practices or even allow me to arrange a carpool on their time. For years, ex had his new wife pick up our kid from school and take him to their house, then she'd leave him home unattended in a town 30 minutes away from his school, friends, and sports and they were unconcerned that he was spending his time on Snapchat or Roblox chatrooms all afternoon and evening. At 11 years old, he called me from a random town an hour from my house because he got on the train alone to see how far he could go, then realized he was lost with no money. They had no idea he was missing, and when they learned what had happened, they didn't understand why I was upset. This all unfolded when he would have liked to be at his team's soccer practice that they wouldn't take him to, let me take him to, or let me arrange a carpool or hired driver (which I offered so that I wasn't infringing on their time). It's been a mess. Kid is old enough now that he pushes back and tells his dad he's playing sports with his friends and he's not going to his house anymore if can't support him. This has worked because I'm not in the middle of it anymore. But the early years, when he insisted on more parenting time and then dumped him on his new wife, who ignored him, and kept him for his friends and sports, were a disaster for our kid. It will be hard for them to move past all the resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

That's great. I don't doubt that it's a nongendered issue, and there are other dads like you who are the default parents. I'm a mom who does 95% of all the actual parenting (doctors, dentists, school conferences, driving to and from all activities, attending games, making sure homework gets done). I don't receive any child support. I pay for 100% of all health insurance, activities, clothes, sports equipment, everything. I'm okay with all of that. The only time I complain is when my ex (and his new wife) push for parenting time but then tell our kid he can't go participate in a school concert that is required for a music class or can't play a team sport because they don't want to drive him to practices or allow me to drive him to practices or even allow me to arrange a carpool on their time. For years, ex had his new wife pick up our kid from school and take him to their house, then she'd leave him home unattended in a town 30 minutes away from his school, friends, and sports and they were unconcerned that he was spending his time on Snapchat or Roblox chatrooms all afternoon and evening. At 11 years old, he called me from a random town an hour from my house because he got on the train alone to see how far he could go, then realized he was lost with no money. They had no idea he was missing, and when they learned what had happened, they didn't understand why I was upset. This all unfolded when he would have liked to be at his team's soccer practice that they wouldn't take him to, let me take him to, or let me arrange a carpool or hired driver (which I offered so that I wasn't infringing on their time). It's been a mess. Kid is old enough now that he pushes back and tells his dad he's playing sports with his friends and he's not going to his house anymore if can't support him. This has worked because I'm not in the middle of it anymore. But the early years, when he insisted on more parenting time and then dumped him on his new wife, who ignored him, and kept him for his friends and sports, were a disaster for our kid. It will be hard for them to move past all the resentment.

You sound like an equal problem and is your income higher? If your income is much higher you wouldn't get child support. It's not the wife's job to babysit your kid. Your 11 year old leaving the house is a serious issue, as a parent what did you do about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.

In our area, it's usually the dads going to the parties, sports, etc. You are overgeneralizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in divorce mediation, and we agree to 50/50 custody. But how does it work in practice if you do not want your children living out of a suitcase? Ex wife will be staying in the district and honestly it is kind of ridiculous to have to drag our kids in and out of the district either some days a week or every other week etc. So, this makes me think that the 50/50 custody that everyone talks about is only practical if both parents are in the same school district, otherwise the kids will suffer with the commute. My ex is staying in the house. I cannot afford to live in the district. As much as I want to see my kids more often, I may have to make some sacrifices and have them just weekends to spare them unnecessary travel.

If you choose to not prioritize your children, go for it. But don’t pretend you are doing it for them. Lots of people make this work. You just don’t care enough.

He makes good and valid points. He is saying that he would prefer his kids to be primarily in one home. In my opinion, that is reasonable. Those who claim to make it work think it works and perhaps it does. Only their adult children can tell us ....

He is choosing to live in a different city than his children. That sickens me.

Ever consider he has to pay child support, alimony and extra's and he cannot afford to live in the area, especially if he gave her the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

There are moms who do more than you and expect fewer gold stars/people to care what they’re “really sick and tired of”

He did not ask for gold stars. There we go again......He is just saying they are dads who also do the lion share and they don't complain about it as much the women here do. Do you get that??

No I don’t.

Most women are posting you just do it and stop complaining.

In walks man, hand raised 🙋‍♂️ … look at me I do it and my X’s sucks.

So do you want a cookie.

Nobody talked gender until him .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not do every other weekend. There are other schedules, like a 2-2-5-5 and I have known families who do that.

Do whatever you have to to live in the same school district. Rent, rent a smaller place, rent an apartment, townhouse, borrow money, whatever you have to do.

Yuck.

Just move this to the Special concerns tab.

This has all been Asked & Answered real time and by adults who had to live back and forth to keep up appearances for a divorced deadbeat parent who shoveled pizza and screens and babysitters or significant others at them.

Quality time Schmality time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc.....

My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it.

She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.

Yet here you are. Simultaneously complaining about your ex and all women!

And you still know that most married and divorced working men made lousy home owners, lousy parents and lousy spouses. Way more often than women being lousy at all three.