Article in Post- online abuse and extortion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that it must be hard to determine the right age for kids to have phones and how much monitoring you should do as a parent.

My mom used to read my diary and when I found out I felt horribly betrayed. Obviously this isn’t the same thing but similar, how do you build trust but also keep your kid safe?

My DD has a paper diary with a lock that she knows we would not read.

However, she knows that we have access to her phone and can check it at any time. Sometimes we check it with her. She also has access to my passcode, so it's not like a one-way street, if that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of parents posting judgement here have children under 10 years old.
If you want to ascribe blame to the parents, also post how old your children are.

PP. 9 and 16. Teenager doesn't do much with social media. Mostly uses Discord but also tells me it's a dumpster fire. The 9 year old is into Roblox and sometimes complains about bullies who spam the chat. Every time I see one of these articles, I make the teenager read it. It disturbs him that this happens. He's taking Cybersecurity as an elective right now and he said it's been eye opening and that all kids should be taught some of this stuff before being let loose on the internet.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure I can bear to read the article - I saw it in the Post this morning and kept scrolling. Two years ago, when my son was 15 he fell for the sextortion scheme where scammers pretend to be a friend of a friend on Instagram and Snap, pretend they like the boy, and start sending nudes then ask for them in return and then extort them for gift cards. I wrote about it here as a PSA at the time (original thread deleted for unknown reasons, there is a second one when a Post article came about on the specific scam targeting teen boys).

We did all the things, and my kid is a happy, well adjust young man. He still fell for it, because 15 year old boys can be hormonal boneheads with boundless optimism (she likes me!) For those of you rightly worried about your kids, what I found was the most important thing was that my kid knew that he could come to me and I’d help him. I wouldn’t be horrified, blame him, think he was stupid. He was so, so, so ashamed. It was a huge hurdle to tell me, but he did. He begged me not to tell his dad because they have a different kind of relationship. I think of the kids who, in the same situation as my son, kill themselves because they see no way out. There but for the grace of god (or maybe dumb luck) go I.

Tell your kids they can come to you no matter what - when they’ve crashed the car, or drunk too much, or said something terrible, or sent a nude to a scammer. You will help them first, and learn from it later. Unconditional love first.

[Anonymous]

NP. You know how all of us who are Gen X have stories about riding in the back of pickups, sleeping across bench seats, riding in the back of station wagons, without a seat belt in sight? And if you tell your kids those stories, they think it is insane you were allowed to live so dangerously?

Our kids will be telling their kids about how their parents allowed them access to Roblox, SnapChat, TikTok, etc with no restrictions. This is their story, that their own kids will think is insanely unsafe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As parents of teens, I think there are several things that you need to think about with respect to this article:

1. The article mentioned how all the victims were suffering from some underlying psychological problems and these predators seek them out. For the vast majority of everyday kids, if they are approached by a random on the Internet they tell them f**k off...and that's the end of it.

2. The main person in the article was researching some pretty extreme content to start...gore fiction. Clearly, these predators know where to find their victims, so make sure you understand what your kids are trying to search for.

3. My one kid is a huge STEM kid and Discord is a useful platform for seeking out programming information, sharing code, etc. I honestly don't know why Discord is so much better than other sites...but it has great utility for the 99% of people using it for good purposes. I would imagine that the forums my kid is on are also not great forums for predators, because these kids know how to unmask identities so predators stay away

4. You need to be probably more aware about straight financial extortion scams. Some criminal organization poses as an attractive male / female on a mainstream platform, convinces your kid to send a naked pic and then extorts them for $$$s. That is a much more common occurrence than what is profiled in this article. Of course, I told my kids don't send any naked pics to anyone, even BF/GF. Don't send any to a stranger.

If you as a teen have a lapse in judgment and still do the above, these scammers don't like dealing with people who are problematic. Tell them you don't give a f**k if they send the picture to everyone at school (which is really an empty threat) and you are alerting the authorities. That will normally be the end of that.

Yes, it is ugly out there...best thing you can do is raise healthy, adjusted kids.

And related to that, don't let your kids be scared to tell you if they make a mistake online/break your rules. I read an article a few years ago about a kid who sent an abuser a picture of something innocuous, even though she knew she wasn't supposed to interact with strangers online/send photos. The abuser then said he would tell her parents about the innocuous picture unless she sent nudes -- which she did, because she didn't want to get in trouble for the original rules violation.

This has stuck with me and made me very reluctant to outright forbid something (as opposed to talking a lot about how some things are a bad idea and other things are a REALLY bad idea.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure I can bear to read the article - I saw it in the Post this morning and kept scrolling. Two years ago, when my son was 15 he fell for the sextortion scheme where scammers pretend to be a friend of a friend on Instagram and Snap, pretend they like the boy, and start sending nudes then ask for them in return and then extort them for gift cards. I wrote about it here as a PSA at the time (original thread deleted for unknown reasons, there is a second one when a Post article came about on the specific scam targeting teen boys).

We did all the things, and my kid is a happy, well adjust young man. He still fell for it, because 15 year old boys can be hormonal boneheads with boundless optimism (she likes me!) For those of you rightly worried about your kids, what I found was the most important thing was that my kid knew that he could come to me and I’d help him. I wouldn’t be horrified, blame him, think he was stupid. He was so, so, so ashamed. It was a huge hurdle to tell me, but he did. He begged me not to tell his dad because they have a different kind of relationship. I think of the kids who, in the same situation as my son, kill themselves because they see no way out. There but for the grace of god (or maybe dumb luck) go I.

Tell your kids they can come to you no matter what - when they’ve crashed the car, or drunk too much, or said something terrible, or sent a nude to a scammer. You will help them first, and learn from it later. Unconditional love first.

Thank you for sharing your story and I hope your son is now doing ok. I hope I have that relationship with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure I can bear to read the article - I saw it in the Post this morning and kept scrolling. Two years ago, when my son was 15 he fell for the sextortion scheme where scammers pretend to be a friend of a friend on Instagram and Snap, pretend they like the boy, and start sending nudes then ask for them in return and then extort them for gift cards. I wrote about it here as a PSA at the time (original thread deleted for unknown reasons, there is a second one when a Post article came about on the specific scam targeting teen boys).

We did all the things, and my kid is a happy, well adjust young man. He still fell for it, because 15 year old boys can be hormonal boneheads with boundless optimism (she likes me!) For those of you rightly worried about your kids, what I found was the most important thing was that my kid knew that he could come to me and I’d help him. I wouldn’t be horrified, blame him, think he was stupid. He was so, so, so ashamed. It was a huge hurdle to tell me, but he did. He begged me not to tell his dad because they have a different kind of relationship. I think of the kids who, in the same situation as my son, kill themselves because they see no way out. There but for the grace of god (or maybe dumb luck) go I.

Tell your kids they can come to you no matter what - when they’ve crashed the car, or drunk too much, or said something terrible, or sent a nude to a scammer. You will help them first, and learn from it later. Unconditional love first.

Thank you for sharing your story and I hope your son is now doing ok. I hope I have that relationship with my kids.

Thanks for the good thoughts, PP. He’s doing really well, and hopefully wiser.

[Anonymous]

Rule of the Internet according to my DS: Girl=Guy in real life.

[Anonymous]

Older teens and adults fall for those same type of “sextortion” scams too. A lot of scammers are foreign and target men who are closeted in conservative countries. Not to say they don’t also target Westerners as well. But it’s another reason to be LGBT positive for your kids because if the scammer was like, I’ll tell your family that you’re gay and sending pictures to men, they could quickly shut it down by saying their family was supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This article is horrifying, specifically calls out grooming kids online including on Roblox. All parents whose kids have access to the internet should read- please be aware that this is becoming increasingly common. (Gift link below).

https://wapo.st/4cb7bi9

Absolutely appalling. I don’t care if it’s teenage boys or adults committing this abuse, they need to be stopped.

That being said, if you go along with something like cutting the family hamster’s head off—you yourself need to face consequences as well.

IMO, this girl is obviously a victim. But regardless of “emotional manipulation” if your actions extend to hurting another living creature you need to be punished as well.

Hopefully she at least faced animal abuse charges and are flagged from owning animals in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rule of the Internet according to my DS: Girl=Guy in real life.

You have a very smart DS. Sadly, many teenage boys don’t seem to grasp this concept.

99% of the time boys; a teenage girl around your age is not going to ask you for pictures of your pp… like.. ever. And yes, “live video” can and is faked. It’s been able to be faked for yeeeaaaaaarrrrssss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. You know how all of us who are Gen X have stories about riding in the back of pickups, sleeping across bench seats, riding in the back of station wagons, without a seat belt in sight? And if you tell your kids those stories, they think it is insane you were allowed to live so dangerously?

Our kids will be telling their kids about how their parents allowed them access to Roblox, SnapChat, TikTok, etc with no restrictions. This is their story, that their own kids will think is insanely unsafe.

I hope so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is horrifying, specifically calls out grooming kids online including on Roblox. All parents whose kids have access to the internet should read- please be aware that this is becoming increasingly common. (Gift link below).

https://wapo.st/4cb7bi9

Absolutely appalling. I don’t care if it’s teenage boys or adults committing this abuse, they need to be stopped.

That being said, if you go along with something like cutting the family hamster’s head off—you yourself need to face consequences as well.

IMO, this girl is obviously a victim. But regardless of “emotional manipulation” if your actions extend to hurting another living creature you need to be punished as well.

Hopefully she at least faced animal abuse charges and are flagged from owning animals in the future.

I’m sorry but what? Do you think people who catch mice on those snap traps should face animal cruelty charges? It is insane to me you have honed in on the hamster here. I’m more worried about the human girl who was exploited and traumatized by predators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is horrifying, specifically calls out grooming kids online including on Roblox. All parents whose kids have access to the internet should read- please be aware that this is becoming increasingly common. (Gift link below).

https://wapo.st/4cb7bi9

Absolutely appalling. I don’t care if it’s teenage boys or adults committing this abuse, they need to be stopped.

That being said, if you go along with something like cutting the family hamster’s head off—you yourself need to face consequences as well.

IMO, this girl is obviously a victim. But regardless of “emotional manipulation” if your actions extend to hurting another living creature you need to be punished as well.

Hopefully she at least faced animal abuse charges and are flagged from owning animals in the future.

I’m sorry but what? Do you think people who catch mice on those snap traps should face animal cruelty charges? It is insane to me you have honed in on the hamster here. I’m more worried about the human girl who was exploited and traumatized by predators.

The person who is overly worried about the animals is a tell tale response of a childfree. They hate kids and parents and love animals. They are irrational and should be disregarded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is horrifying, specifically calls out grooming kids online including on Roblox. All parents whose kids have access to the internet should read- please be aware that this is becoming increasingly common. (Gift link below).

https://wapo.st/4cb7bi9

Absolutely appalling. I don’t care if it’s teenage boys or adults committing this abuse, they need to be stopped.

That being said, if you go along with something like cutting the family hamster’s head off—you yourself need to face consequences as well.

IMO, this girl is obviously a victim. But regardless of “emotional manipulation” if your actions extend to hurting another living creature you need to be punished as well.

Hopefully she at least faced animal abuse charges and are flagged from owning animals in the future.

I’m sorry but what? Do you think people who catch mice on those snap traps should face animal cruelty charges? It is insane to me you have honed in on the hamster here. I’m more worried about the human girl who was exploited and traumatized by predators.

The person who is overly worried about the animals is a tell tale response of a childfree. They hate kids and parents and love animals. They are irrational and should be disregarded.

I agree. It is baffling to me how many childfree weirdos post on here. They hate children, parents, and families so much but can’t stop obsessing about us.