Has anyone gotten a real apology from parents for abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father asked for forgiveness on his death bed. Literally. But I honestly think this was more because he didn’t want to go to hell than because he was sorry that he hurt us - if that makes sense. The apology was for him not us.

100%

My parents are both incapable of empathy. There are a few books that I have found helpful in dealing with them. I’ve only read excerpts because I don’t deal with them on a daily basis and don’t like thinking about them too much, but the ideas from these books do help me when I have to deal with them.

Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the fact my mother takes on this sweet, gentle persona with everyone else reveals she is hiding her ugly true self. I feel like saying to her when she goes to her big $1,000 dollar charity dinners, I hope the teenagers behave or else you’ll hold them down and pour beer in their mouths like you did to my brother when he was 16 and hid booze you found. Oh, and it didn’t work, he still drinks.

My mother is exactly like this. She makes food for groups of people constantly, donates to charities in my kids’ names, and this is the same woman who refused to buy me a jacket in high school because she didn’t want to spoil me.

And still claims that I never got locked in my room or outside whenever my father wanted to do whatever he did to her. I have come to realize I was probably best off locked outside those times. He used to put my bike in the driveway and scream at me to run away. The whole neighborhood must have heard but everyone just looked away. It was the ‘90s. That would play very differently today in that same neighborhood. But times have changed is no excuse for child abuse or assault at any time.

They are still just as abusive and have threatened to report me for elder abuse if I ever talk about what they did to me, so that is why I reached out to a social worker to ask what I should do. I have never touched them. I am not even comfortable when they give me a hug today even when they are in a good mood or my father is having a good day.

My mother keeps insisting she is keeping a secret from me about his cognitive functioning but it’s obvious just from observing his behavior.