Pissed that I have to do remedial counselling with an employee who was reprimanded for harassing me.

[Anonymous]

This sounds terrible and I would have probably bounced after the ten page texts. Sorry OP. What about asking to be transferred yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have to ask: does anyone in your leadership chain have concerns about your supervisory and/or communication style?

OP here. I checked in with my supervisor about this last week after the first counseling session.

She said no, she feels my leadership style is great. I am very direct with my staff and put most questions or concerns in writing. I minimize meetings, I have monthly/mandatory 1:1's with all my staff and one unit meeting per month. All of my staff have passed the probation period and are independent workers. I don't micromanage or spend a lot of time chit-chatting or doing unnecessary social stuff.

The issue is that is what my problem staff is asking for. She is requesting more validation and acknowledgment of her experiences and education, she wants a relationship with "shared power and values" according to the communication coach. This is why she wants me to call her directly so she can chit-chat and feel psychologically safe. My supervisor doesn't like this suggestion because she wants the problem employee gone and a paper trail of all communication; she's attending all 1:1's with the employee too.

I told my supervisor I had concerns about the feedback from the communication coach. She is concerned too but said there's nothing we can do about it since the agency director asked me to do it. I'm wondering if it's because the employee filed an internal grievance and despite that it was unfounded, my agency director is trying to show they addressed my direct report concerns about my management style and (if there is future problems) it's on her, not me.

It just feels like mind games at this point.

To start - I agree with the PPs that your employee seems to have psychological issues and that your agency's process is overly drawn out and deferential to the requests and social/emotional needs of people who are low performers and/or unstable. I also agree that you need to document everything in writing (and would expect that your HR/communication coach would want the same).

That said, your management style sounds very cold and detached. You need to relate to people on a personal level (which sometimes involves "unnecessary social stuff") to gain trust and to understand their personal drivers of engagement and productivity. In a situation like this, you also would benefit from the enthusiastic support and backing of the rest of your staff in contrast to your problem employee. This is unlikely to happen if you relationships with them are as transactional as you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you file a harassment complaint against her? It sounds like your agency does not have conduct guidelines and professional behavior requirements?

Btw being 34 is irrelevant. Age is a protected class under the civil rights act, meaning any time someone uses age in a discriminatory manner at work it is a violation of the civil rights act. This is no different than using anyone’s race as a reason for employment decision is illegal. Not sure what she’s doing would rise to discrimination though. The OWBPA gave specific layoff protections to workers over 40 but did not override that discrimination by any age is illegal.

+1
OP your actual age is irrelevant. Document all of this and file a complaint. I think you need to go on the offensive with her. File complaints for everything. It makes me so mad that tax payer money is being wasted on a loon like this woman and somehow she seems to be locked in and protected. Good luck - don’t hold back bc she certainly won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have to ask: does anyone in your leadership chain have concerns about your supervisory and/or communication style?

OP here. I checked in with my supervisor about this last week after the first counseling session.

She said no, she feels my leadership style is great. I am very direct with my staff and put most questions or concerns in writing. I minimize meetings, I have monthly/mandatory 1:1's with all my staff and one unit meeting per month. All of my staff have passed the probation period and are independent workers. I don't micromanage or spend a lot of time chit-chatting or doing unnecessary social stuff.

The issue is that is what my problem staff is asking for. She is requesting more validation and acknowledgment of her experiences and education, she wants a relationship with "shared power and values" according to the communication coach. This is why she wants me to call her directly so she can chit-chat and feel psychologically safe. My supervisor doesn't like this suggestion because she wants the problem employee gone and a paper trail of all communication; she's attending all 1:1's with the employee too.

I told my supervisor I had concerns about the feedback from the communication coach. She is concerned too but said there's nothing we can do about it since the agency director asked me to do it. I'm wondering if it's because the employee filed an internal grievance and despite that it was unfounded, my agency director is trying to show they addressed my direct report concerns about my management style and (if there is future problems) it's on her, not me.

It just feels like mind games at this point.

To start - I agree with the PPs that your employee seems to have psychological issues and that your agency's process is overly drawn out and deferential to the requests and social/emotional needs of people who are low performers and/or unstable. I also agree that you need to document everything in writing (and would expect that your HR/communication coach would want the same).

That said, your management style sounds very cold and detached. You need to relate to people on a personal level (which sometimes involves "unnecessary social stuff") to gain trust and to understand their personal drivers of engagement and productivity. In a situation like this, you also would benefit from the enthusiastic support and backing of the rest of your staff in contrast to your problem employee. This is unlikely to happen if you relationships with them are as transactional as you describe.

DP. I noticed the same thing. I wouldn’t want to work for this person. I’m not needy and I’m a great employee, but I don’t want to work in a sterile, collaboration free, environment. OP may be this way because it’s how she feels safest given her experience with this one employee and that’s a shame.

[Anonymous]

I’m team OP.

Keep receipts, and start looking for a new job. I’m sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have to ask: does anyone in your leadership chain have concerns about your supervisory and/or communication style?

OP here. I checked in with my supervisor about this last week after the first counseling session.

She said no, she feels my leadership style is great. I am very direct with my staff and put most questions or concerns in writing. I minimize meetings, I have monthly/mandatory 1:1's with all my staff and one unit meeting per month. All of my staff have passed the probation period and are independent workers. I don't micromanage or spend a lot of time chit-chatting or doing unnecessary social stuff.

The issue is that is what my problem staff is asking for. She is requesting more validation and acknowledgment of her experiences and education, she wants a relationship with "shared power and values" according to the communication coach. This is why she wants me to call her directly so she can chit-chat and feel psychologically safe. My supervisor doesn't like this suggestion because she wants the problem employee gone and a paper trail of all communication; she's attending all 1:1's with the employee too.

I told my supervisor I had concerns about the feedback from the communication coach. She is concerned too but said there's nothing we can do about it since the agency director asked me to do it. I'm wondering if it's because the employee filed an internal grievance and despite that it was unfounded, my agency director is trying to show they addressed my direct report concerns about my management style and (if there is future problems) it's on her, not me.

It just feels like mind games at this point.

To start - I agree with the PPs that your employee seems to have psychological issues and that your agency's process is overly drawn out and deferential to the requests and social/emotional needs of people who are low performers and/or unstable. I also agree that you need to document everything in writing (and would expect that your HR/communication coach would want the same).

That said, your management style sounds very cold and detached. You need to relate to people on a personal level (which sometimes involves "unnecessary social stuff") to gain trust and to understand their personal drivers of engagement and productivity. In a situation like this, you also would benefit from the enthusiastic support and backing of the rest of your staff in contrast to your problem employee. This is unlikely to happen if you relationships with them are as transactional as you describe.

I read the bit about the OP's management style and thought, "Wow, I would love working for this person" but that's just me, and obviously not the OP's employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s easy to see why she dislikes you.

To be honest, I couldn't care less if she likes me or not. She was not managing her workload and refused to do work tasks when asked by myself, our program, and the agency director. She requested a transfer to another supervisor and withdrew her request after her reprimand and her complaint against me was unfounded.

I must be an idiot because I can't understand for the life of me why she would want to stay on my team. She has outright said to me she does not like my direct supervisor either. It's not a good fit for all of us. The counseling feels like emotional enmeshment, I'm being asked to "share my favorite quote" with her (?!). I don't want any kind of relationship with this woman.

"Lead, follow or get out of the way."

DP but lol.

OP, I'd be careful to protect yourself with documentation and witnesses. The communications coach sounds a bit looney too. Be wary. And look for another position. Learning to document and work the process to get such a problematic person out is a good skill set to have, it's all about the process and establishing defenses if she sues. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Just here to day you aren't alone. My husband was dumped an employee who was sexually harassing women at work and they wouldn't tell him what the HR issue was with him. Of course he started grooming people in his new role. On top of that he also was a terrible employee. Took them 2 years but he finally got fired.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, OP. I agree with the others saying to move through the steps of disciplinary process. If you don't already have liability insurance, get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a government job that has union protections. I have a problem employee who is a vested government employee who can't be fired.

I am 34, I have been supervising a direct report on my team for over a year. She has had behavioral issues since August of 2023. She yelled at my supervisor and was disruptive during a team meeting. She received a written warning. Her behavior did not improve and worsened; in October she refused to complete her job tasks. She spent her work hours writing 7+ paragraph emails to me with complaints about her job and how she felt she could be my supervisor. She would write me 4+ page text messages on my cellphone at 10 PM despite being asked not to several times. She went under formal investigation for insubordination and received a formal reprimand for violating harassment policies that went into her work file. The next step in progressive discipline would be suspension without pay or a demotion.

This employee filed an internal grievance about my direct supervisor I and requested a transfer to another supervisor. Her complaint was unfounded - according to the investigator, she could not provide any specifics about her complaints and just rambled on about my leadership style. After she was reprimanded and her investigation was unfounded, she continued to complain about me and my communication style. I am forced to undergo leadership coaching and have a 3-way conversation scheduled with a communication manager and her in two weeks.

According to the communication manager, I need to increase my support of this staff by "increasing psychological safety" and work on my relationship building with her. I am being asked to "write a paragraph on the kind of supervisory relationship I want with her." I'm being advised not to put requests in writing, but to call her directly as she "can't understand my tone in an email." I am now pandering to this woman's psychological needs when she is the one who harassed me for 6+ months and refused to do her job. My direct supervisor is livid about the whole thing, but our agency director ordered the counseling and I have to go through the motions.

This woman continues to make comments about my age. I am 34, she is 55. She reports that my age "is a problem" for her; because she feels she has 20+ years of experience over me and a master's degree. I've considered hiring an employment lawyer for a hostile work environment, but because I'm under 40 her comments about my age are not considered protected under discrimination laws. Even HR has shrugged their shoulders when I brought it up. She has received a written warning and formal reprimand about harassment - and yet I am the one who has to jump through all the hoops to "repair the supervisory relationship." It's ridiculous. I want to keep my job, but I don't even want to be in the same room as this woman.

You are describing nearly the same treatment teachers get when they have a physically aggressive student. It doesn't matter that the kid has been hurting you for months....you have to be the one to try and fix the issue. It's baloney

[Anonymous]

Wow I worked with a person exactly like this, also in social services. When she came to our office, she was preceded by warnings from her two previous office coworkers about how toxic she was. She bragged about her insubordination complaints.