Life comes at you fast - even at age 9

[Anonymous]

I think he should finish out with the team he committed to. He can move up next season. 9 is so young for the intensity he has. He needs to continue to compete strongly for his current team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

DP. I think what PP is saying is that a 9 year old’s identity and self-esteem should not be so tied up in which soccer team they are on. It’s not good to put all of your eggs in one basket at such a young age. It will feel like your world is falling apart if you make one sport or activity your whole world. A 9 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity of a teen or young adult who has tried different things and made a decision to specialize for the purpose of college or pro level playing. It’s too much pressure on a young kid. If a kid has the tendency to be intense, it’s the parent’s job to help them gain perspective on sports and life.

While I agree kids should play other sports, it doesn't mean they should quit one sport and focus on another. It's very easy to play more than one sport but still have focus on a main one. My neighbor's kids both plays two sports, but their main sports are hockey and volleyball. On the side they play soccer and track. But, when travel season comes around it's hockey and volleyball. Also, all these parents assuming there is pressure on kids are 100% guessing. You'd be surprised how many kids I know just love playing sports. Heck a kid down the street from me plays hockey nonstop and he loves it. Even has practice at 6am on Friday (yes, 6am) and he wakes up by himself! He loves the sport. There is nothing wrong with a kid focusing on one sport. Too many parents think a kid has to do X amount of sports. Not always. There's many different ways to raise a kid and many ways a kid develops.

The problem with a kid focusing on one sport (and I say this is the parent of a child who's obsessed with one) is that they're one injury away from losing their entire identity.

What if they play 3 sports and the injury stops them from playing all 3?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG he is 9 stop just stop.

Take him off of travel now. Why is he doing daily training? Injury and growth come on you are absud.

He is depressed because you put too much pressure on him

I guarantee this kid will never be scholarship you will be lucky if he makes HS.

Change clubs. That is the only answer if you think he is so hot try him out. I doubt he will make the other elite team.

Signed mother of more than one Divsion 1 player in college.

Cringey response, cringey signature.

Signed mother of one pro and one Divsion 1 player in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG he is 9 stop just stop.

Take him off of travel now. Why is he doing daily training? Injury and growth come on you are absud.

He is depressed because you put too much pressure on him

I guarantee this kid will never be scholarship you will be lucky if he makes HS.

Change clubs. That is the only answer if you think he is so hot try him out. I doubt he will make the other elite team.

Signed mother of more than one Divsion 1 player in college.

Cringey response, cringey signature.

Signed mother of one pro and one Divsion 1 player in college.

Mostly cringey, but I agree with her first and third points. But I’m not even sure how I wandered into this spooky soccer forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is anything outrageous about a 9 year old being ambitious and wanting to play at a higher level. Some people here seem to think every kid is supposed to go the same path of mediocrity as everyone else. But these kids are not average, they are outliers. They are the ones that the pro ranks were meant for.

As long as the passion is coming from the child and not being pushed on them by the parent, I would support it as a parent myself by moving to the kid to a team that has the same level of commitment and ability that he's looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is anything outrageous about a 9 year old being ambitious and wanting to play at a higher level. Some people here seem to think every kid is supposed to go the same path of mediocrity as everyone else. But these kids are not average, they are outliers. They are the ones that the pro ranks were meant for.

As long as the passion is coming from the child and not being pushed on them by the parent, I would support it as a parent myself by moving to the kid to a team that has the same level of commitment and ability that he's looking for.

If this kid were truly one that the pro ranks were meant for, he probably would have been placed on the top team from the get go. If the top team coach thought he was a phenom that could help his own team win, he’s be pushing harder for the kids to be moved up. Sounds like the top team coach is fine with him not moving, which suggests it doesn’t make a big difference to his team.

Someone has to be the best on the B team. My own 9 year old is basically in this situation now. He’s getting lots of playing time and is recognized as a leader on his team. I’d rather he get more playing time and coach attention than move up and get less playing time and less attention. Rosters expand next year; it’s not that far away. If the kid can only enjoy soccer if he’s on the ideal team, maybe he doesn’t love it as much as his parent thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

Give it a rest. Intensity at age NINE is not some guarantee of anything in the future except higher risk of burnout. Plenty of kids turn up the intensity later on and peak at just the right time for real success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

At 9 all kids are average and mediocre. And this 9 year old in particular apparently has an entire roster that outperforms him, so so the intensity is not warrented. As someone else said, if he is depressed then he doesn't love soccer as much as his parents think he does. He loves the idea of being the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

At 9 all kids are average and mediocre. And this 9 year old in particular apparently has an entire roster that outperforms him, so so the intensity is not warrented. As someone else said, if he is depressed then he doesn't love soccer as much as his parents think he does. He loves the idea of being the best.

I’d be willing to bet that not everyone on that top squad are better than OP DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

Give it a rest. Intensity at age NINE is not some guarantee of anything in the future except higher risk of burnout. Plenty of kids turn up the intensity later on and peak at just the right time for real success.

You people raising these soft spoiled kids love to throw around the term burnout.
These kids around here aren't putting in that kinda work constantly and consistently to burn anything.
Just another excuse to be a quitter.

If the little effort we doing here causing burnout, then South America, Africa and Europe should be littered with the bodies of 11 year old burnout kids and no one would make it to professional level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

At 9 all kids are average and mediocre. And this 9 year old in particular apparently has an entire roster that outperforms him, so so the intensity is not warrented. As someone else said, if he is depressed then he doesn't love soccer as much as his parents think he does. He loves the idea of being the best.

You just turned the soccer scouting world on its head by declaring all 9 year old soccer players perform at the same average and low level

[Anonymous]

We always use the quote "The two things you can control are attitude and effort" with our kids when coaches, teachers, and bosses make decisions that feel hard and unfair. Mindset and desire are what will set your player apart from the others so build on this from that perspective. Stay with the current club and make them look silly or focus on finding a new team and make them impressed. No idea who said the quote originally but it's a gem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is on a U10 travel team and he's been training almost daily along with having a personal coach since summer. He was suppose to move up to the higher level U10 team this spring, but a day ago we heard from the high tier coach his current coach was very unhappy to hear he wanted to leave and made a fuss about it. So, they are going to leave him on the current team which is well below is skill level.

I've never seen my son so unhappy. It's borderline depression. I'm all for facing real life and realizing life isn't fair. In fact, I'm the parent who makes sure he realizes it. But, this really hit him hard. He trains so much with the hopes of getting moved up because his current team has horrible chemistry and they don't even practice outside of team practice (they don't care). A portion of the players don't even show up to practice or games and the coach doesn't do anything. It's a mess.

As a parent, even though this is good for him overall growing up it sucks to see him so sad. Normally, he's always upbeat and now he doesn't even smile. It's like someone sucked the life out of him. I am proud he's trained so hard. Even during winter break he didn't want to go on a trip. Instead he went to soccer camp. Now, he has to deal with a team he hates for another 3-4 months. I just feel sad for him. I'm tempted to speak with his current coach about this, but really 50/50 on getting too involved.

Talent and skill wise he 100% is able to perform well if moved up. But, he's the best player on his current team so his coach doesn't want to lose him. I think that's selfish (and I used to coach high school sports along with 3 youth sports). Should I speak with the coach or leave it alone?

You're putting too much pressure on him; or he's putting too much pressure on himself and you're enabling it. For his own good, both as a kid and in terms of him truly maximizing whatever potential he has, you have to set a different tone with him and get his focus away from focusing on which team he plays for or what his teammates are doing, and instead encourage and grow his LOVE OF THE GAME. Nothing matters more than this at 9 years old.

Without that love of the game, his soccer career will be far less enjoyable than it otherwise would be; far less successful, too.