If you were starting out as a new parent all over again, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have moved to a more family-friendly area before having kids. We're moving now but should have done it years ago and it's harder to move after your kids are a bit older, are in school, and have friends. We talked about it but thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal and in retrospect I think it's really made everything about our lives harder for no particularly good reason.

This is really interesting to hear. I’m currently thinking about how I should have settled on a place to live before I got pregnant; I’ve been working on moving for almost a year and it’s borderline impossible to really secure childcare in a new place but I don’t want to wait until my kids are old enough to have real friends. Anyway good luck on your move PP — hope it works out for both of us.

[Anonymous]

I’m very pleased with how my kids turned out though I’m sure they would say I could have been a better mom! What worked for us was that my husband and I were always on the same page regarding child rearing and we both made our children our number one priority. At the same time, we had a very loving relationship so our home environment was zero conflict. Our kids were always great friends, and still are, and that added to the atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inclination as a mom runs counter to this but I wish they weren't so sheltered. I can tell them about many things but it's not the same as experience. I appreciate their innocence but it's not for this world.

How did you shelter them?

Our home is very positive, all the time. Middle school has been rough in terms of dealing with people who are not as chronically kind.

[Anonymous]

Too many Aholes billionaires already.

We need to teach empathy to kids
The world we are leaving them is chaos

[Anonymous]

If I had to do it over again, one thing I would change would me how I did meals. I cooked different food for the kids than I did for us parents. And then when they got older, I continued that at times. If I had to do it over, I would have offered my kids what we were eating, and if they didn't want it that would have been fine. But that would have been the only option. Don't eat it? Totally fine, but there's nothing else available.

[Anonymous]

If I'm being honest, just three things:
- would have done swim team
- would have enforced more rules around screens earlier on (we had rules and are doing fine now but there were struggles)
- worried less

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have moved to a more family-friendly area before having kids. We're moving now but should have done it years ago and it's harder to move after your kids are a bit older, are in school, and have friends. We talked about it but thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal and in retrospect I think it's really made everything about our lives harder for no particularly good reason.

I would have stood up for myself more when I was pregnant and in the first year after becoming a mom instead of being steamrolled by my spouse, mom, and ILs, all of whom regularly just ignored my needs and opinions. I eventually learned to stand up for myself, but I went through a lot of grief during those two years because I was trying too hard to make other people happy and wasn't doing what I needed to take care of myself. Resulted in PPD, a huge step back in my career, and just generally struggling during a time that should have been about our family coming together.

I've also made mistakes as a parent akin to what OP is talking about, especially around learning when to hold the line with kids. But I think I had to go through it, I've learned from it and so have my kids, and in general I think we found the right balance. We have really healthy relationships between kids and adults in our family, but also the kids are well-behaved, listen to us, and trust just us to make good decisions for them while also being understanding and taking they preferences into account when it makes sense. I especially struggled with my oldest but being a parent is a bit of a trial by fire and I think you kind of have to make those mistakes to understand how to do it. I am really not convinced that anyone gets it exactly right from the start.

+ 1 on moving to a more family-friendly area to raise kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have done more to pursue family friendships/community for my kids. During a mental health/mindfulness activity at school my kids were asked what adults love them and they couldn't think of any besides DH and I.

thats kind of a surprising question from a school as that could be so triggering for some kids who come from a broken home, etc....wow.

I think if your kids were able to state you and husband being the two who loves them, they are winning!

Agreed.

I hate touchy-feely b.s. Probably were fishing for someone to say "teachers".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have done more to pursue family friendships/community for my kids. During a mental health/mindfulness activity at school my kids were asked what adults love them and they couldn't think of any besides DH and I.

thats kind of a surprising question from a school as that could be so triggering for some kids who come from a broken home, etc....wow.

I think if your kids were able to state you and husband being the two who loves them, they are winning!

Having loving adults (who don't necessarily have to live with you!) is a protective factor for adverse childhood experiences, so I understand why they asked and why teaching children to think about the adults who love them could be useful for a mindfulness/stress relief program. I agree that making kids talk out loud about it could lead to them revealing stuff they might prefer to keep private (just like family tree and other assignments) but encouraging them to write it down without sharing it with the class makes sense to me.

This is great mental health work, but doesn't belong in a school setting.

[Anonymous]

I would have hired a night nurse. I would not have breastfed. I would have taken less time off when they were under 3, but more time off during the ages 3-5.

[Anonymous]

Had kids earlier so I could have had 3. We stopped at 2 mostly because of age.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't sweat the little stuff and remember that all stuff is small stuff.

[Anonymous]

I would be less worried about best public school and high grades and make it more about high school experience than college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Would select smaller and less competitive high schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am happy how my kids turned out. They are teens now and nice, thoughtful, smart young adults. I was lucky enough to be home with them till they were in MS. It was a lot of fun to be the and volunteer during ES.

Some things i would do differently are:
Get my kids to read more
Not tell my kid about Santa till he was older. I thought he was old enough but he was not
Travel with them more. COVID dampened that a little
They grow so fast, never enough time with them. Enjoy it all!

I was going to say I would do nothing differently, until I read this. My older DD, now 18, said the magic of Christmas was ruined for her when she was 4. She asked me about Santa and I couldn't lie to her. I wish I would have just double talked around it to keep the magic until she was older. My 9 yo still believes and it's so sweet. She's never even questioned the concept.