I want my house to be a spot for friends, but self conscious how outdated it is

[Anonymous]

Guests are typically more interested in your hospitality than your home decor. So, if you throw a good party, have good food and drink and everyone can have a good time, they are going to be much more interested than if you have a gorgeously updated home. And when I say "good food" that does not mean expensive food. There are lots of good party food options which are not extremely expensive, but are comfortable and welcoming.

In fact, I know that people who have gorgeous updated homes, but have uncomfortable furniture or they restrict what people can do where (please don't eat or drink in the fancy room with the white furniture because we are afraid of stains) are going to be less popular hosts than people who have comfortable furniture that people can relax on and actually enjoy the socializing.

So, being a good host is far more important than whether your home is outdated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who loves to decorate and renovate. I don’t judge you at all! I’d rather come to a fun, outdated house than a boring party at a mansion. Just keep it clean and decluttered and people don’t care. Most people are renovating for themselves, not to show off to friends.

Why do people always say stuff like this? If anything, the rich people are more likely to exercise and be energetic, have interesting experiences to discuss, and so on. Seems like a lot of coping from the have-nots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who loves to decorate and renovate. I don’t judge you at all! I’d rather come to a fun, outdated house than a boring party at a mansion. Just keep it clean and decluttered and people don’t care. Most people are renovating for themselves, not to show off to friends.

Why do people always say stuff like this? If anything, the rich people are more likely to exercise and be energetic, have interesting experiences to discuss, and so on. Seems like a lot of coping from the have-nots.

NP. This…has nothing to do with whether your parties are boring or not.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of "will people judge me for this" questions where the answer is, yes, they will a little bit, but you still shouldn't worry about it.

Here, I honestly think the answer is that at least 99.5 percent of people will not care one bit. Almost everyone will be delighted to be invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a mid-30s couple with two little kids. I really love cooking, hosting, and being social, but we haven't really had friends over in the 6 years we've been here because I'm embarrassed how outdated our house is. All of our friends have bought newer builds or gut renovated their older house and I feel like they'll judge our's. We are clean and tidy, but our kitchen is original from the 60s (including the double oven) and our bathrooms are from the 80s. There's a few marks on the floors that are just permanent at this point even when the floor is freshly scrubbed by hand so I feel like it looks unkempt if you look closely.

Do you judge people for out of date homes?

I am European and I love older homes, they are much warmer and more welcoming than newly build. Have your friends over and have a great time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who loves to decorate and renovate. I don’t judge you at all! I’d rather come to a fun, outdated house than a boring party at a mansion. Just keep it clean and decluttered and people don’t care. Most people are renovating for themselves, not to show off to friends.

Why do people always say stuff like this? If anything, the rich people are more likely to exercise and be energetic, have interesting experiences to discuss, and so on. Seems like a lot of coping from the have-nots.

NP. This…has nothing to do with whether your parties are boring or not.

Strange that you think lethargic hosts will be as engaging as energetic ones.

Strange that you think rich people are more energetic than OP. And if OP is near DC, they could still have a good income and not afford an updated home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who loves to decorate and renovate. I don’t judge you at all! I’d rather come to a fun, outdated house than a boring party at a mansion. Just keep it clean and decluttered and people don’t care. Most people are renovating for themselves, not to show off to friends.

Why do people always say stuff like this? If anything, the rich people are more likely to exercise and be energetic, have interesting experiences to discuss, and so on. Seems like a lot of coping from the have-nots.

Sorry, hearing about amazing Dubai is for the 5th time isn’t interesting. Ya basic.

[Anonymous]

I would love your house. Homes in dc are all so depressingly similar inside. It would feel like a real home to me. While i try to keep my house neat, it is not as clean as yours sounds. You’re really worried about some marks on an old floor? No one cared about that!
Good music, good food (cheese and crackers, grapes and salami like those trendy charcuterie boards), wine (soda for those of us who dont drink).
Heck tell people it’s casual dress and id be even more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

People will look at your house. That is part of the fun of being invited over! But I wouldn’t think they’d look in a judge-y way or care about how “dated” things are. I personally love older quirky houses and idiosyncratic decorations, rather than everything looking like it’s out of some decorating magazines. A house that’s too fancy is hard to relax in. Give me a beer or wine and hot dog dinner on a paper plate, or some chili, sitting on a folding chair, in a clean but basic kitchen with friends who put on good music and like to talk and laugh, and I am happy. It’s so special to be invited to someone’s home for a home cooked meal these days! Anyone you invite will be delighted.

[Anonymous]

People who judge these things aren't worth having over. You don't need a fancy mansion to be a good host, you need kindness, food, seating and fun company.

As far as your home goes, keep it clean, have it functional and style it for warmth and comfort, not to display and impress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares even a little.

Hosting is about a clean space with good (dim) lighting, comfy seating and good food and drink.

If the floors are really, really worn replace them with linoleum. No biggie.

Nope—do not put in “linoleum.”

colorful rugs are a better option

[Anonymous]

Actually if everything is new, fancy and trendy, people would envy you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who loves to decorate and renovate. I don’t judge you at all! I’d rather come to a fun, outdated house than a boring party at a mansion. Just keep it clean and decluttered and people don’t care. Most people are renovating for themselves, not to show off to friends.

Why do people always say stuff like this? If anything, the rich people are more likely to exercise and be energetic, have interesting experiences to discuss, and so on. Seems like a lot of coping from the have-nots.

This is such a weird, overly defensive post. You may be rich, thin, and live in a mansion, but it's clear that you have no idea how to throw a fun party.

[Anonymous]

Definitely invite people over. We always used to be an entertaining house for happy hours, casual parties, hosting friends for dinner. Along the way, including probably due to Covid, I've gotten more insecure. I shouldn't.

Your post has motivated me, OP. We've invited two families over for a casual drinks and snacks on Friday after work. If they stay, we'll simply order in pizza and put on a movie for the kids. Nothing fancy, just a reason to re-connect.

[Anonymous]

noone cares as long as you are welcoming and you make your space cozy: comfortable enough and DIM LIGHTS that's another key point