PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”

[Anonymous]

Install a pull up bar in a doorway and help him do a dead hang every morning. It activates the nervous system snd is a surprisingly good workout packed in just a minute! It’s helped regulate my oldest son, who is also big for his age and requires a lot of physical activity and sensory input.

[Anonymous]

I have three boys and we had to switch several times before finding a day care that didn't complain that my boys run around too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given our schedule, I don’t see how we can increase physical activity during the week. He gets dropped off at 7:30 and picked up at 4:30. He plays outside from 4:30 until dinner/dark.

I am a teacher, so I have him walk to school (less than a mile) almost every day during the summer. We also go later (9 or 9:30) during the summer. Of course, I prefer this morning routine better but it isn’t possible during the school year.

We had a very energetic guy and an early drop off. We asked if they could move drop off to the gym as there were not a ton of kids at that time anyways, and they did. It ended up.being better for all of the kids because they were more distracted in the gym and it was easier to separate. I'd try to brainstorm something like this with them.

[Anonymous]

Swimming in the morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. My DH does drop off and pick up. I think the details of my commute and work hours are pretty boring but I leave the house at 7 and return at 4:30.

My sons are 8, 6, and 4. All of them participate in athletics, are over 100th percentile in height, etc. They are hilarious and fun! All are outgoing, opinionated, and loud. Big personalities all around, including DH. But of course we always emphasize listening to adults, being calm inside, and only playing rough when all parties agree.

I will look into karate for DS4. I hesitate to overschedule at his age, though. We don’t get this feedback from coaches, Sunday school teachers, or other adults, so I think it’s just being at school with no outlet in the mornings until playground time mid-morning.

Ohhhhh, you’re one of those “bIg pErSoNaLiTiEs” excuse-making moms. LOL indeed.

Boys will be boys excuse. Can't wait to see how he treats women.

#boymom #wineoclock

[Anonymous]

My suggestion is to allow rough housing in your house, but only one spot. Like if you have a basement and you put a mat down there. Or the play room, or whatever is a good fit. Your 4 year old needs to know that rough housing with his brothers is ok, but not wherever and whenever he wants. Once he can control that he'll be more likely to control himself at school.

Additionally you need to work on not allowing any of your kids to interrupt. If they want your attention at home they can put up their hand or whatever signal (put their hand on your arm). So many parents allow their kid to interrupt any conversation by acknowledging and answering their questions or requests. This transfers to not being able to stop interrupting at school. It's a huge problem when a classroom of kids all do it and if your kid is the one doing it constantly you need to work on it at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.

OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.

I have three boys and they are not allowed to tackle the dog.

+1. I have threw girls and they would never tackle our toughly touch our dogs. The roughhouse with one another but have appropriate boundaries - so not at school. My eldest is also four and I have twin two year olds. Do not tell me this is a gender thing. This is about appropriate boundaries. OP you sound very invested in your liberal mom with a “real boy” shtick. You voting for Obama does not mean that you get to pull the boys will be boys card. And FYI roughhousing with the dog is a good way for your kid to get bitten. It won’t be as funny when he has a bunch of stitches on his face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.

OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.

I have three boys and they are not allowed to tackle the dog.

+1. I have threw girls and they would never tackle our toughly touch our dogs. The roughhouse with one another but have appropriate boundaries - so not at school. My eldest is also four and I have twin two year olds. Do not tell me this is a gender thing. This is about appropriate boundaries. OP you sound very invested in your liberal mom with a “real boy” shtick. You voting for Obama does not mean that you get to pull the boys will be boys card. And FYI roughhousing with the dog is a good way for your kid to get bitten. It won’t be as funny when he has a bunch of stitches on his face.

DP. This is utterly absurd. All kids have energy and most boys at 4 are indeed like puppies and like to roughhouse. As long as nobody gets hurt and they all enjoy it, it’s great.

The problem is the school. Teaching kids to observe boundaries is actually the school’s job. If the school cannot handle behavior that is within the range of developmentally normal, it’s a bad school. OP should not waste another second there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given our schedule, I don’t see how we can increase physical activity during the week. He gets dropped off at 7:30 and picked up at 4:30. He plays outside from 4:30 until dinner/dark.

I am a teacher, so I have him walk to school (less than a mile) almost every day during the summer. We also go later (9 or 9:30) during the summer. Of course, I prefer this morning routine better but it isn’t possible during the school year.

Teachers typically start their days earlier than any other professional workers. HS starts at 7:30 and teachers have to be there before that.

With your teaching schedule you can't either drop him off later or pick him up earlier? I know you said the early drop off is b/c of your husband's work but do you also start teaching early and then finish teaching earlier

But if HS starts at 7:30 and the teachers are there before it they are not there at 4. That's the point.

People have commutes and many teachers do clubs or planning after school. 7-4:30 sounds pretty normal for a teacher including commuting.

[Anonymous]

Have him run laps in your backyard before school. Tired kids are compliant kids. The teachers and the other kids don’t want to deal with your exuberant, loud, big personality kid. There’s a time and place for such behavior, but the classroom isn’t it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is 4 and has been at his daycare since he was 18 months. He definitely fits the stereotype of a little boy in about a hundred ways: loves to wrestle with dad, can spend the whole day playing outside, tackles the dog, wants to run/jump/swim/bike all the time. (This does not come from me! I am a liberal introvert who thought gender stereotypes were goofy! I tried to give him dolls and sewing…) He LOVES teachers and other adults and is generally good natured to other kids and adults. He is very outgoing and friendly. He loves reading and can play independently (especially outside, but also does 1.5 hours of rest time alone in his room on the weekends).

Last year and this year his teachers have brought up that he is too rambunctious, “too loud in the morning,” “wants to be the teacher all the time,” and “too competitive.” I don’t disagree with their assessment, but this has started to spiral out of control. When we ask about his day at pickup, his teachers almost always have a negative thing in their report, such as he was roughhousing, didn’t listen, etc. This week he cried on the way home because he said he can never get good reports. My question is what exactly to do with this information. I really like his teachers generally; most have been at the school for a long time. But their suggestions seem kinda weird. His teacher last year said she made him run laps outside and suggested we buy him a weighted backpack so he will get tired faster. His teacher this year said he should sign up for karate. Is this the solution?

In the past, we have had him write an apology letter to teachers, revoked privileges after very bad reports (especially roughhousing), etc. I want to support the teacher and have him fit better but I don’t know what that looks like. Any suggestions?

Teach him not to tackle the dog.

+1
The dog will always pay the price when it can no longer tolerate the abuse.

[Anonymous]

OP what grade do you teach? I’m in elementary and I can imagine that a large 4-year-old boy who spends his days chasing after and imitating 6-year-old and 8-year-old boys is going to completely overwhelm most other 4-year-olds. He simply doesn’t know his own size and strength. Teachers are probably just worried about injuries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is 4 and has been at his daycare since he was 18 months. He definitely fits the stereotype of a little boy in about a hundred ways: loves to wrestle with dad, can spend the whole day playing outside, tackles the dog, wants to run/jump/swim/bike all the time. (This does not come from me! I am a liberal introvert who thought gender stereotypes were goofy! I tried to give him dolls and sewing…) He LOVES teachers and other adults and is generally good natured to other kids and adults. He is very outgoing and friendly. He loves reading and can play independently (especially outside, but also does 1.5 hours of rest time alone in his room on the weekends).

Last year and this year his teachers have brought up that he is too rambunctious, “too loud in the morning,” “wants to be the teacher all the time,” and “too competitive.” I don’t disagree with their assessment, but this has started to spiral out of control. When we ask about his day at pickup, his teachers almost always have a negative thing in their report, such as he was roughhousing, didn’t listen, etc. This week he cried on the way home because he said he can never get good reports. My question is what exactly to do with this information. I really like his teachers generally; most have been at the school for a long time. But their suggestions seem kinda weird. His teacher last year said she made him run laps outside and suggested we buy him a weighted backpack so he will get tired faster. His teacher this year said he should sign up for karate. Is this the solution?

In the past, we have had him write an apology letter to teachers, revoked privileges after very bad reports (especially roughhousing), etc. I want to support the teacher and have him fit better but I don’t know what that looks like. Any suggestions?

Teach him not to tackle the dog.

+1
The dog will always pay the price when it can no longer tolerate the abuse.

Yes, this is sad but true.

And dogs get old faster than we do. They get arthritis, and they also start to lose hearing and vision. If the kid tackles out of nowhere, and the dog bites defensively against an unidentified threat, that dog will be put down. That's not fair.

Teach your child to be more careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.

OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.

I have three boys and they are not allowed to tackle the dog.

+1. I have threw girls and they would never tackle our toughly touch our dogs. The roughhouse with one another but have appropriate boundaries - so not at school. My eldest is also four and I have twin two year olds. Do not tell me this is a gender thing. This is about appropriate boundaries. OP you sound very invested in your liberal mom with a “real boy” shtick. You voting for Obama does not mean that you get to pull the boys will be boys card. And FYI roughhousing with the dog is a good way for your kid to get bitten. It won’t be as funny when he has a bunch of stitches on his face.

Haha. Trust me - as a mom with two and two; it very well may be a gender thing. But I agree about tackling the dog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.

OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.

I have three boys and they are not allowed to tackle the dog.

+1. I have threw girls and they would never tackle our toughly touch our dogs. The roughhouse with one another but have appropriate boundaries - so not at school. My eldest is also four and I have twin two year olds. Do not tell me this is a gender thing. This is about appropriate boundaries. OP you sound very invested in your liberal mom with a “real boy” shtick. You voting for Obama does not mean that you get to pull the boys will be boys card. And FYI roughhousing with the dog is a good way for your kid to get bitten. It won’t be as funny when he has a bunch of stitches on his face.

DP. This is utterly absurd. All kids have energy and most boys at 4 are indeed like puppies and like to roughhouse. As long as nobody gets hurt and they all enjoy it, it’s great.

The problem is the school. Teaching kids to observe boundaries is actually the school’s job. If the school cannot handle behavior that is within the range of developmentally normal, it’s a bad school. OP should not waste another second there.

What? Your kid should not be playing roughly with a dog. He’ll get bit by your dog or someone else’s dog and then you’ll probably blame the dog. And it’s your fault if you haven’t socialized your four year old enough to understand that he can’t play fight other children at school. Guess this is how incels are made.