PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”

[Anonymous]

DS is 4 and has been at his daycare since he was 18 months. He definitely fits the stereotype of a little boy in about a hundred ways: loves to wrestle with dad, can spend the whole day playing outside, tackles the dog, wants to run/jump/swim/bike all the time. (This does not come from me! I am a liberal introvert who thought gender stereotypes were goofy! I tried to give him dolls and sewing…) He LOVES teachers and other adults and is generally good natured to other kids and adults. He is very outgoing and friendly. He loves reading and can play independently (especially outside, but also does 1.5 hours of rest time alone in his room on the weekends).

Last year and this year his teachers have brought up that he is too rambunctious, “too loud in the morning,” “wants to be the teacher all the time,” and “too competitive.” I don’t disagree with their assessment, but this has started to spiral out of control. When we ask about his day at pickup, his teachers almost always have a negative thing in their report, such as he was roughhousing, didn’t listen, etc. This week he cried on the way home because he said he can never get good reports. My question is what exactly to do with this information. I really like his teachers generally; most have been at the school for a long time. But their suggestions seem kinda weird. His teacher last year said she made him run laps outside and suggested we buy him a weighted backpack so he will get tired faster. His teacher this year said he should sign up for karate. Is this the solution?

In the past, we have had him write an apology letter to teachers, revoked privileges after very bad reports (especially roughhousing), etc. I want to support the teacher and have him fit better but I don’t know what that looks like. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Martial arts can be great for energetic kids, yes. As can exercise before school.

Does he hear the teacher give the report? Stop that if yes. And ask teacher to say one nice thing too - helps her look for positive and gives you a nice thing to talk about.

Do you know the book Clark the Shark? Not sure it helped DS, but it helped me know what message I was trying to send (basically, there is a time and place for everything so be calm in class and energetic in play with other kids who like that type of play).

[Anonymous]

Not sure about the backpack, but some kids need lots of physical activity. Running laps or other physical activity can help them feel more regulated ime.

My son is similar, though a little older, and we encourage lots of playground time, including running races on a track. Personally, I don't see any harm in trying to increase his physical activity and seeing if it helps.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Clark the Shark is perfect. DS is the biggest kid in his class… he is definitely a Clark the Shark. Thank you for this book recommendation.

I agree that it would be ideal for DS to play outside before school. Unfortunately, he has to go to daycare at 7:30 due to DH’s work schedule. I think this is part of the issue. Outside play doesn’t happen until 10. On the weekends we are usually outside by 8:30 or 9 at the absolute latest.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Given our schedule, I don’t see how we can increase physical activity during the week. He gets dropped off at 7:30 and picked up at 4:30. He plays outside from 4:30 until dinner/dark.

I am a teacher, so I have him walk to school (less than a mile) almost every day during the summer. We also go later (9 or 9:30) during the summer. Of course, I prefer this morning routine better but it isn’t possible during the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given our schedule, I don’t see how we can increase physical activity during the week. He gets dropped off at 7:30 and picked up at 4:30. He plays outside from 4:30 until dinner/dark.

I am a teacher, so I have him walk to school (less than a mile) almost every day during the summer. We also go later (9 or 9:30) during the summer. Of course, I prefer this morning routine better but it isn’t possible during the school year.

We go to an indoor playground a few times a week after daycare.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this day care is not a good fit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is 4 and has been at his daycare since he was 18 months. He definitely fits the stereotype of a little boy in about a hundred ways: loves to wrestle with dad, can spend the whole day playing outside, tackles the dog, wants to run/jump/swim/bike all the time. (This does not come from me! I am a liberal introvert who thought gender stereotypes were goofy! I tried to give him dolls and sewing…) He LOVES teachers and other adults and is generally good natured to other kids and adults. He is very outgoing and friendly. He loves reading and can play independently (especially outside, but also does 1.5 hours of rest time alone in his room on the weekends).

Last year and this year his teachers have brought up that he is too rambunctious, “too loud in the morning,” “wants to be the teacher all the time,” and “too competitive.” I don’t disagree with their assessment, but this has started to spiral out of control. When we ask about his day at pickup, his teachers almost always have a negative thing in their report, such as he was roughhousing, didn’t listen, etc. This week he cried on the way home because he said he can never get good reports. My question is what exactly to do with this information. I really like his teachers generally; most have been at the school for a long time. But their suggestions seem kinda weird. His teacher last year said she made him run laps outside and suggested we buy him a weighted backpack so he will get tired faster. His teacher this year said he should sign up for karate. Is this the solution?

In the past, we have had him write an apology letter to teachers, revoked privileges after very bad reports (especially roughhousing), etc. I want to support the teacher and have him fit better but I don’t know what that looks like. Any suggestions?

Teach him not to tackle the dog.

[Anonymous]

I would flat out ask them "You say only negative things about DS every day when I pick him up. Do you have anything positive about him you can tell me?"

Maybe they don't realize the impact their words are having. Or, maybe stop asking them every day, especially in front of DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given our schedule, I don’t see how we can increase physical activity during the week. He gets dropped off at 7:30 and picked up at 4:30. He plays outside from 4:30 until dinner/dark.

I am a teacher, so I have him walk to school (less than a mile) almost every day during the summer. We also go later (9 or 9:30) during the summer. Of course, I prefer this morning routine better but it isn’t possible during the school year.

With your teaching schedule you can't either drop him off later or pick him up earlier? I know you said the early drop off is b/c of your husband's work but do you also start teaching early and then finish teaching earlier

[Anonymous]

You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is 4 and has been at his daycare since he was 18 months. He definitely fits the stereotype of a little boy in about a hundred ways: loves to wrestle with dad, can spend the whole day playing outside, tackles the dog, wants to run/jump/swim/bike all the time. (This does not come from me! I am a liberal introvert who thought gender stereotypes were goofy! I tried to give him dolls and sewing…) He LOVES teachers and other adults and is generally good natured to other kids and adults. He is very outgoing and friendly. He loves reading and can play independently (especially outside, but also does 1.5 hours of rest time alone in his room on the weekends).

Last year and this year his teachers have brought up that he is too rambunctious, “too loud in the morning,” “wants to be the teacher all the time,” and “too competitive.” I don’t disagree with their assessment, but this has started to spiral out of control. When we ask about his day at pickup, his teachers almost always have a negative thing in their report, such as he was roughhousing, didn’t listen, etc. This week he cried on the way home because he said he can never get good reports. My question is what exactly to do with this information. I really like his teachers generally; most have been at the school for a long time. But their suggestions seem kinda weird. His teacher last year said she made him run laps outside and suggested we buy him a weighted backpack so he will get tired faster. His teacher this year said he should sign up for karate. Is this the solution?

In the past, we have had him write an apology letter to teachers, revoked privileges after very bad reports (especially roughhousing), etc. I want to support the teacher and have him fit better but I don’t know what that looks like. Any suggestions?

Teach him not to tackle the dog.

That's a good place to start. It sounds like he needs more guidance on appropriate ways to treat living things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given our schedule, I don’t see how we can increase physical activity during the week. He gets dropped off at 7:30 and picked up at 4:30. He plays outside from 4:30 until dinner/dark.

I am a teacher, so I have him walk to school (less than a mile) almost every day during the summer. We also go later (9 or 9:30) during the summer. Of course, I prefer this morning routine better but it isn’t possible during the school year.

Teachers typically start their days earlier than any other professional workers. HS starts at 7:30 and teachers have to be there before that.

With your teaching schedule you can't either drop him off later or pick him up earlier? I know you said the early drop off is b/c of your husband's work but do you also start teaching early and then finish teaching earlier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.

OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given our schedule, I don’t see how we can increase physical activity during the week. He gets dropped off at 7:30 and picked up at 4:30. He plays outside from 4:30 until dinner/dark.

I am a teacher, so I have him walk to school (less than a mile) almost every day during the summer. We also go later (9 or 9:30) during the summer. Of course, I prefer this morning routine better but it isn’t possible during the school year.

Teachers typically start their days earlier than any other professional workers. HS starts at 7:30 and teachers have to be there before that.

With your teaching schedule you can't either drop him off later or pick him up earlier? I know you said the early drop off is b/c of your husband's work but do you also start teaching early and then finish teaching earlier

But if HS starts at 7:30 and the teachers are there before it they are not there at 4. That's the point.