Did anyone on this forum have a nice childhood, and currently have nice elderly parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked for decades in victim advocacy, legal aid, public defense and prosecution. I saw a lot of very damaged people, and having grown up in a toxic abusive family I know firsthand that abused kids can also wear the mask of very successful professional with strong community ties.

I'm very happy that there are happy families, as without them abused kids wouldn't have dreams to console them in their reality.


One observation I have from decades of working in the trenches with broken people and in the systems that serve and process broken people, is that trying to advocate for policy changes and getting community on board with investments in people often comes up against the resistance of people who had happy childhoods and just cannot fathom the challenges faced by people who didn't.

Many people from happy childhoods are empathetic and concerned with the experiences of their not so lucky peers, but some happy family people seem incapable of grasping just what unhappy and abusive and dysfunctional looks like and what it really does to the developing brain to grow up in a toxic stew. Those folks tend to be the ones who lack empathy for the ways broken people can go astray in navigating life's challenges without the self esteem and emotional reserves that well-loved children develop in a happy childhood.

I will never understand the people who argue against investing in early childhood enrichment programs, when we all ultimately pay the price in one way or another for the fallout from letting so many children grow up psychologically and physically abused. Quite frankly it would make more sense to ditch some of the current academic curriculum and develop life skills courses that lead to mental health preservation, healthy relationships and understanding of child development/psychology so we are all equipped with the basics of how not to hurt kids.

Obviously there will always be perpetrators, but a great deal of the abuse that kids grow up in could be alleviated by addressing psychological needs of parents decades before they become parents, not just when they're in the thick of it - most parents will never take a parenting course until they are involved with a divorce proceeding in the courts or forced to by child protective services.

Well said. Great post. I think also for some who have an easy and happy childhood they victim blame because they cannot fathom a parent being abusive unless there is a major reason. Heck even within families the Golden child victim blames the scapegoat.

[Anonymous]

Me

[Anonymous]

I had a nice upbringing and wonderful parents. It was mostly drama free except for the drama my teen-self brought for a few years there. My parents remained loving, supportive, stable and involved throughout life. My mom died 7 years ago and I miss her terribly. Now it’s just my dad. I talk to him most days and he asks very little of me except for my company. In return, he provides lots of love and support to me, DH and kids. I realize I have been very fortunate.

[Anonymous]

I did not. It my dh did. His parents are 89 and 91 and lovely folks. They are quite religious and we are not so there’s some emotional distance there for sure, but they have done their part to make it easy to have a nice relationship.

[Anonymous]

I had a wonderful childhood and while my parents are in their early 70s they are so far, far from elderly. My mother is one of my closest friends and my dad is an awesome grandad. My young children love my parents and love doing sleepovers at their home.

[Anonymous]

Very happy childhood and the best parents in the world. Get along with siblings. We all get together at holidays still. My dad passed away a few years ago which was stuff since he really was the greatest man in every way and absolutely hilarious. My mom is 80 and very very active and self-sufficient and social.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Observational bias. Happy people don't post complaints. That is generally a rule for internet message boards and social media.

So true! The more miserable I am, the more I find myself here.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 and had a nice, mostly drama-free childhood as an only child. My parents are lovely, good people. But as I grew older I learned/realized they both had a LOT of dysfunction in their FOOs (my mom wasn't even raised by her FOO but that's a whole other story). So my childhood was a lot of just us, doing the same thing every year, creating no drama or issues. I can understand now why my parents are so conflict-avoidant (i.e. "nice") though I didn't see or understand it as a kid. They are nearing 80 and still operating under the "we don't want to bother you, or really anyone" mindset, and it's been rough trying to transition to the "I want to help, I want to be bothered."

Hopefully in the next year we can sell the house that's too much for them, and have them near me and their grandchild (who they love so, so much). I just want them happy and safe and if they are nearby that is an added bonus.