Did anyone on this forum have a nice childhood, and currently have nice elderly parents?

[Anonymous]

It is sad to read this forum about how much people are dealing with.

I'm 53 and had a nice childhood (middle class, no drama, loving family).

Now my mom is 81 and my in-laws are 81-82. They are living middle-class lives, are relatively healthy, and things are drama-free. They don't criticize us or bother us, and we enjoy spending time with them.

Is this the outlier? Or is it more common to have very difficult elderly parents -- some of the stories on here are pretty scary (about the moms crying, calling 12x per day, lashing out due to dementia, etc).

I am genuinely sorry for what so many people are experiencing. If there are so many dysfunctional situations with elderly parents, I wonder if our government should do more to support families when they are younger, so that parents are better parents to their children, and so the kids don't have bad childhoods. Then the government could also do more to make the lives of the elderly more supported by the government, so that the elderly don't need to depend so much on their children? I am genuinely curious and feel very guilty for having a life that seems easier than so many people describe on this forum.

[Anonymous]

Yes - I mean, I was a PIA depressive teenager who gave my parents hell. But I had a safe, loving, supportive childhood. And my parents, in their 80s now, are treasures to me. I gladly go see them as often as I can, and I only wish I could see them more.

My in laws are great, too - I mean, no one else's family is going to be your family, so I have my quibbles, but they are minor in the scheme of things.

I don't feel guilty. I feel unfathomably lucky (knock wood).

[Anonymous]

Observational bias. Happy people don't post complaints. That is generally a rule for internet message boards and social media.

[Anonymous]

My parents provided a nice drama free childhood and aged well to be nice in-laws and grandparents. Neither us nor our spouses ever had any major issue with them and all love and respect them.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you (though my parents have passed on).

When I posted something like that once, people reported me and said it was cruel to all of the people who had traumatizing childhoods. It was like the forum should be theirs to dominate.

(And yes, I am aware of being lucky. As are my children. Because I learned how to parent well —not perfectly—and have solid values.)

[Anonymous]

At what age do you think you started to really appreciate your parents?

[Anonymous]

My friend had a happy childhood and is close with his family. His parents have been married 70 years and they’re still going strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents provided a nice drama free childhood and aged well to be nice in-laws and grandparents. Neither us nor our spouses ever had any major issue with them and all love and respect them.

Same.

There is favoritism on the ILs side, and (predictably) they don't like being called out, so of course, they are viewed differently by some family members, any drama (low key or otherwise) they introduce by insisting on the status quo, feeds on itself.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I had a happy childhood with loving parents. My mother is in her 70s and easy to get along with. She and my husband get along well. My Dad died of cancer 10 years ago and I would literally give my right arm to have him back.

[Anonymous]

I know people who had good childhoods and loving elderly parents,but they have no need to come to a board like this unless they have some practical questions about supporting aging family. I have one of the worst elderly parents my therapist has heard about and she specializes in this area. However, I have an awesome spouse. I have never posted about him on other boards here because I don't have any complaints or concerns. I have pretty awesome kids so I just post with questions related to their stages of development, friendship stuff and one has special needs so I posted on that thread some over the years.

[Anonymous]

Yes me and my husband.

[Anonymous]

Nope. But I know a lot of people like this, OP. Most of my closest friends have this. Some of them might complain about certain annoyances now, and few people have perfect personalities (especially as they age and deal with health issues), but they had nice childhoods and have good relationships with their parents now.

My family is a $hit$how. It is a great source of stress and sadness. I hope those of you from good families appreciate what you have.

[Anonymous]

It's not "the governments" responsibility to create happy families.
If it is something important to you, maybe you could volunteer your time and money to help and support individual families?

I say this as someone who had a rough, but not the absolute worst childhood. Lots of verbal/emotional abuse (from the time I was 12, my mom would tell me to "go walk the streets like a whore" whenever she was mad at me. Physical abuse (my mom would push me down to the couch, kneel on top of me, and strangle me. My dad once slapped me so hard it broke my tooth. I have a crown, but it's right up front and it affects my self esteem every single time I smile in the mirror.) They highly favored one sibling over the other two of us.

[Anonymous]

I had a good childhood but I’m Gen X and my parents were pretty hands growing up. But they were always supportive and we’ve been close my whole life. My dad passed away from cancer and mom got dementia a few years ago. As the only close sibling I’ve become her caregiver. She didn’t use to be the person she is now. Unfortunately for me mine has become one of the grumpy, angry, nasty, lunatic, needy dementia patients who has some incredibly sweet, happy moments. It is a total mind-f and so hard to not let the current mom negate the mom I had the majority of my life.

The bottom line is you never know what is to come. Even a drama free, decent childhood with reasonable, kind people can turn on a dime. Dementia is just the worst beast. I have friends whose mothers have dementia and They’re just sweet and clueless. I don’t think there’s a way to know how your normal parent will turn out.

[Anonymous]

I also had a great childhood and am still close to my parents who remain healthy. The same is true for my husband. We live only 20 minutes away from both sets of parents.