Parent teacher meeting - mean child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how to and if I should share my concern about passive aggressive and sometimes blatantly rude comments a girl made to our anxious (in therapy child). The other child is teacher’s pet and mom is a trustee. She will frequently ignore my child when in a group or make sarcastic comments.

School expects kids to figure it out themselves and even if a concern is brought to the teacher, she just supports the other kid. Spouse thinks I should not be an umbrella parent and let our child figure it out while advising when specific issues are brought home so direct behind the scenes.

Specific Comments directed to my child may have abated (not sure yet as not enough time has elapsed since the last one) after I gave the verbiage to my kid to speak up once. Speaking up however, has led to this girl turning the other 2-3 girls against my child so they are now ignoring so there are some tears almost daily due to being left out and being lonely. I don’t have a response to - mom why can’t everyone just be nice?

My kid doesn’t use cuss words or gossip or talk about stuff I wouldn’t expect a 11 yr old to talk about but they do. I am told that not participating in dissing people means one is kiddish. Clearly we are the outliers….as most girls that age that i have met in school or during extracurricular activities are very “mature” and the parents quite “permissive”. Mean girls…with mean mamas …

They're ignoring your kid. I don't know what you expect the school to do. Your kid spoke up and the response from the other kids was to separate themselves.

+1. OP these girls sound gross. Why would you even want your child to play with or be friends with them? Ignoring each other sounds ideal. You were right to intervene when your child was being actively picked on, and now it has stopped -- hooray!

At age 11, there are friend groups, and there will be for literally the rest of your DD's life. Not everyone gets along with, is friends with, plays with, and includes everyone anymore. And that is actually ok -- you need to help your DD understand that, and importantly, your focus now should be on her finding her friends. Eleven year old girls need friends! Have you asked her if there is a girl in the class who seems nice and who she gets along with whom she would like to invite over to hang out one Saturday afternoon, for example? Is she in activities outside of school with girls who share her interests? Would she like to do something with some of those girls?