Are there any downsides to having two last names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am getting married soon. I plan to still use my last name professionally, but do want to have the same last name as my future kids and see the value in 'changing' my name from a family perspective. I don't like hyphenated last names, so plan to make my legal name "Larla Marie Smith Jones" (Smith being my maiden name, Jones being my husband's name). On anything I need to write a first / last name on, I'd be "Larla Smith Jones". I don't want to make my middle name my maiden name since my current middle name is a family name / a name I'd want to pass down to my own daughter someday.

Curious if anyone else has done this and if there are any inconveniences I should be aware of.

I did this on legal documents, but continued using my maiden name at work. In social settings and on church records, etc., I only use my husband's name. So my passport has both, but anywhere outside work, I am called Mrs. husband's name.

[Anonymous]

I would just go with one or the other.

[Anonymous]

My wife made her middle name her maiden name and dumped her old middle name.

“Professional name” really? You just mean name that matches diploma.

Why not have kids have your last name? Let your husband keep his name. Teachers never call the dad anyhow

[Anonymous]

Heads up that once your kids reach elementary school, you’re going to become “Mrs. (Their last name)”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The easy solution is to keep your name and use your husband’s last name socially. Give your kids your surname as a middle name so they’re connected to both your names.

I kind of hate how when women get married it’s a bureaucratic nightmare to replace every document and change emails and business cards. It feels very medieval.

Yes, this is exactly what we did. I don’t go out of my way to use DH’s surname socially, but it doesn’t bother me one bit if someone does.

One thing I didn’t expect - when kids learned to write their names and for years after, they would write their full name, including the middle name, which is their connection to me. As they’ve become teens, they have dropped the middle in almost all cases. It’s not a big deal and I guess oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids with hyphenated names in our kid’s class are referred to with initials. Like:
Toby G-D
Mary M-F
Luke B-S

it’s unfortunate sometimes

Why? And this would only happen if there is more than one of that name in the class.

[Anonymous]

Unless your family is well known movers and shakers or you are Latino, it’s cringe

If you are just some internal medicine or biglaw robot, “for professional reasons” is cringe

If your last name is tied to a family or standing going back generations, then sure

[Anonymous]

A friend with two last names had to push closing on a home because the bank had some problem with his names not matching across all his documentation. Luckily it didn't tank the deal but it just seems like borrowing trouble in a country where things aren't set up to accommodate two last names.

[Anonymous]

I work with a man who is single, and is unfortunate enough to have been given a hyphenated last name at birth.

It is so weird and awkward for him. Thankfully his hyphenated names are short and common names, but really his parents should have just picked one or the other.

I think it hurts him professionally. It definitely has caused some issues with his dating life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heads up that once your kids reach elementary school, you’re going to become “Mrs. (Their last name)”.

That isn’t a reason to do a name change just for tradition.

I kept my name and school never said that when calling. They say “parent or guardian of kid.” Can’t presume who is responsible for a kid.

[Anonymous]

Give your children your last name. Problem solved. Your husband can also take your last name.

[Anonymous]

I went from First Middle Maiden to First Middle Maiden DHsLast. Continued to use my maiden name at work, and used DHs name everywhere else. In 20+years, the only problem was when I moved to VA and wend for a drivers license. My old one didn’t have all four names on it (the computer system in my home state couldn’t fit that many characters) so the DMV rep wanted to make me apply as a new driver, meaning written and road tests. I politely asked for a manager, who looked over my paperwork and approved the license.

My SS card has all four names, as does my license. My passports have only had three, dropping my maiden name. I only use three on tax forms, bank accounts, mortgage paperwork, etc. and since my SSN lines up (and I can provide a marriage certificate as needed) it’s been fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think double last names are annoying and unnecessary. Just pick one or the other and be done with it. You won’t be doing your future kids any favors by giving them a complicated double last name. It’s something that doesn’t age well IMO.

kids will have husband's last name only. - OP

How sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no need to have same name as your kids. Not an issue.

+1 People often post that it will be an issue. My kid is 21. Still waiting for it to be an issue.

My kids are in their 20s. The only times there was confusion was with the pediatrician who called me Mrs Husband'sname and one time when my kid was given a trophy saying Larlo Mylastname, which I found amusing. The kids have my last name as a middle name. That helped with travel and passports.

My kids didn't realize some women change their names when they marry because all of their friends' mothers had kept their names. They thought it was odd that anyone would change their name.

My sister wanted the same name as her kids like the OP. Her husband left her and she ended up going back to her maiden name because she didn't want to carry around his name anymore because of his behavior.

If you do want to have the same name as your kids, and your daughters follow your beliefs, they may very well change their names when they marry so you won't have the same name as your daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heads up that once your kids reach elementary school, you’re going to become “Mrs. (Their last name)”.

That isn’t a reason to do a name change just for tradition.

I kept my name and school never said that when calling. They say “parent or guardian of kid.” Can’t presume who is responsible for a kid.

Many of my kids' teachers didn't change their names so didn't assume every mother is a Mrs. The school directory listed both parents' surnames.