Organizing and cleaning an insanely disorganized house

[Anonymous]

*sand in the gears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw it all away, except for 3 mitts, one of which I cleaned. I also tackled another large cabinet that was full of expired dried goods. I’m very comfortable throwing stuff away in the kitchen because there’s nothing sentimental about anything, except perhaps some cute coffee mugs. I’m thinking it’s a great place to focus my attention this week because hauling trash bags out of the kitchen gives me visual progress and there are a lot of pretty basic pantry organization supplies that will probably make a big difference. My current plan is to aggressively tackle one area of the house per week for four weeks and then hire someone for a deep clean, recognizing that that is the beginning of the process, not the end.

One thing that I’m coming to terms with is that if I don’t deal with this, nobody will, even though the majority of the clutter was brought in by and/or for my husband and kids.

OP that is amazing!! You are definitely going to be successful.

I really like the Kondo process of piling a category, sorting, and then making a home for everything. I thought the categories worked pretty well for me. But since you have the psychological strength/skill, you can probably apply any of the popular methods. Kondo, decluttering at the speed of life, whatever you like. Or just go at it room by room.

Re: your DH. My DH is not an issue but my mother is. Here are my top tips:
1) build trust. Don’t lie or hide throwing away things, at least not for a long time. Trust is a huge part of it. Once they trust you to help them it’s easier.
2) embrace “deep storage” that is effectively trash. For me and my mom this is totes in the garage. Realistically, neither she nor anyone else will ever go looking for the things in the totes. It’s just a compromise for when something should be exited from the house but she can’t let go.
3) label the totes and any kind of boxes with EVERYTHING in there. Like, “extra screwdrivers, box of nails, tax returns from 10 years ago, Christmas card envelopes.” “Three extra pillowcases, twin blanket.” If it just says “miscellaneous” or “bedding” you’re leaving a hard task for your future self. Since all the deep storage is labeled like this at my mom’s now, it will be much faster and easier to go through it later. By which I mean toss it. But it would also be easier for her to find the Christmas card envelopes she will never go looking for if she hypothetically did.

PS - before I implemented this system, she would sometimes make a Doom Box of random crap and label it with HER OWN NAME, then put it in HER OWN garage. You can see why I went to the “label the box with every item” system. I really believe in it.

This makes a lot of sense. Kudos, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can create a budget for furniture or storage items to help organize. One problem we had was that there was no where for some items to go. When we invested in a few strategic furniture items we suddenly felt like things were so much more organized.

I
That has to be part of the keep/don't keep calculus. Keeping something includes the cost of some way to store it. You really need to get yourself away from thinking that it's free to keep stuff.

Op here. We bought some big bookshelves a few months ago and that helped a little. We have so much stuff I know my husband will never willingly part with, complicating the process. A lot of it defies easy categorization, and I’m at a loss of how/where to store a lot of his random and ever-accumulating stuff. Are there any specific furniture / storage solutions you would specifically recommend as helpful? And to give a sense for the overwhelmingness of the decluttering and cleaning task at hand, a few minutes ago I decided to tackle a simple kitchen drawer that we use to store pan-holders and hot-mitts. As I started removing the top layer of mitts, I found like 200 ketchup and sauce packets (and something had definitely exploded along the way!), and just the biggest blob of random free crap presumably from take out orders (think straws, napkins, plastic forks). I really thought that drawer was mostly empty, but the truth was someone’s been shoving stuff in there for years! If the whole house is basically a large-scale version of the nightmare secret ketchup drawer, maybe I should just move and start over!!!

Okay - this is fine! You’ve gotta start somewhere. So, throw out all the random takeout stuff. All of it. That’s step one.

Then step two is to stop and think for a second. How many pan holders and hot mitts do you need? Well, you’ve only got two hands. And maybe you cook together sometimes, that’s 4. And maybe two more as backup. That six total, MAXIMUM.

So go look at the drawer again. Are any of the pan holders and hot mitts ruined? Throw them out. Do you have more than six? If so, go through them and pick your 4-6 favorite. The others need to get out of your house. If any of them are nice ones (no stains, etc), then start a “donate” box. The rest go in the trash.

Check the drawer again. Is it gross? If so, clean it. Any of your newly chosen hot mitts need to be washed? To the wash they go. Put the rest back in. Done.

That sounds like a lot, but outside the cleaning (which this does seem like a more extreme case of, most drawers I wouldn’t bother cleaning until way later in this process if it’s just regular dust/gunk rather than sticky ketchup) I bet it’s only 10 mins of work. Which means you can do six drawers in an hour.

You’ve got this! Just jump in and don’t be afraid to throw crap out.

Yeah, I was going to say 4 hot mitts and zero take out stuff and sauce packets. OP if you went through that drawer and kept any more than that, you have a big hurdle of psychological work to do in order to get your house clean. It’s doable for most people I think! Being cluttered doesn’t mean you have hoarding disorder. But it does mean you’ll have to change the way you think about stuff, which is extra work on top of the actual physical work of going through everything. So you’ll need to hire someone to compensate or give yourself more time and tools (pick a book or method, to start). That’s all.

I would say only keep 2 oven mitts. That’s all I’ve needed for 20 years now. One right, one left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loving the suggestions! When it comes to donating old clothes, I have to admit this paralyzes some of my efforts because I don’t have a go-to place, so it just gets shoved somewhere for “later” which then becomes never. I’m in Arlington if anyone has some suggestions.

Send boxes to Thredup. They take forever and you will make next to nothing even if your clothes actually do sell - but it is VERY satisfying to send off big boxes of clothes you know will make SOMEONE happy, just not you. I've sent over, I think, five giant boxes just in the last six months.

Love the suggestions so far. I really like the idea of low hanging fruit first (toss tons of stuff you don't actually want or need), then going space by space and making it manageable for yourself. That might be a room, a closet, even just a drawer. Just make sure that you are always in the process of tackling something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your husband may be a hoarder. Have you looked into medical diagnosis and medical treatment? You might be fighting a losing battle...

Nah - and I can only imagine the marital repercussions if I tried to get him diagnosed as a hoarder. Seriously, though, he’s a slob with too much stuff but it’s more of a lazy path-of-least-resistance thing than an unhealthy attachment to things.

I help my parents with this stuff sometimes - and I found literally hundreds of plastic bags stuffed with hotel shampoo in their closet. My mom got so angry when I went to throw it away. And she's really not a hoarder - there is just something about this free stuff that people get so WEIRD about. I finally got her to let me throw it away, and I can't imagine her life is ever going to be worse because she doesn't have a 20-year-old half-used bottle of conditioner sitting around.

In any case - this doesn't sound like hoarding to me. But I do think you have to get your husband to just start throwing that stuff out when it comes into the house. Your life is never going to be worse because you don't have ancient packets of ketchup sitting in a drawer. And a lot of this stuff is really about habit - get in the habit of throwing it out (or not bringing it in in the first place) and this will def get easier.

[Anonymous]

Dana K White. She’s got books (library!) and a podcast. Her methods are really helpful—focuses on decluttering.

And then Flylady is great for cleaning and maintenance (but I got tired of the constant selling so haven’t followed for years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your husband may be a hoarder. Have you looked into medical diagnosis and medical treatment? You might be fighting a losing battle...

Nah - and I can only imagine the marital repercussions if I tried to get him diagnosed as a hoarder. Seriously, though, he’s a slob with too much stuff but it’s more of a lazy path-of-least-resistance thing than an unhealthy attachment to things.

I help my parents with this stuff sometimes - and I found literally hundreds of plastic bags stuffed with hotel shampoo in their closet. My mom got so angry when I went to throw it away. And she's really not a hoarder - there is just something about this free stuff that people get so WEIRD about. I finally got her to let me throw it away, and I can't imagine her life is ever going to be worse because she doesn't have a 20-year-old half-used bottle of conditioner sitting around.

In any case - this doesn't sound like hoarding to me. But I do think you have to get your husband to just start throwing that stuff out when it comes into the house. Your life is never going to be worse because you don't have ancient packets of ketchup sitting in a drawer. And a lot of this stuff is really about habit - get in the habit of throwing it out (or not bringing it in in the first place) and this will def get easier.

When I watched the show Hoarders (which can actually be great motivation TV for cleaning) one of the things that stayed with me is how they often described someone who had a cluttered but functional house until a trauma or series of traumas happened and then they kind of went off the rails. Which is pretty much how my parents are. I think for many people it can kind of be manageable for a long time or forever, OR it can get out of control. Which tracks with all sorts of other mental health issues right? Depression, anxiety, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

One room at a time, and pretend you're moving. You're going to touch every single item you own. So spend on weekend on, for example, a kids room.

Get big boxes or bins. Put ALL the clothes in one box, toys in another, books etc. As though you're packing to move. Then clean and vacuum. Then "unpack". Organize as you put away. Purge aggressively. If you truly don't have enough space to put something, figure out the solution - a cube storage bin? A dresser in the closet?

Keep boxes to put things on that belong in other rooms. A box for toys that should go in the basement, a box for things that belong in the bathroom etc, and move the box to that room when you're done.

[Anonymous]

Kiss an item and send it away. Trust the universe, that the item will be found by someone who needs it. That's my mindset for donating.

[Anonymous]

I think you have a lot of info. For anyone else looking for unique tips.
1. Take some precautions to keep things out away that you do get done. Order online: locks for closets. Any kind you can get. Ideas, depending on your needs
a) baby locks or latches - young kids
b) adhesive latches you can put up high - medium sized kids
c) actual locks - big kids and up

My rules on locking stuff, I always say YES to open, I just need to monitor and make sure too much isn’t coming out at once.

Pro tip: order online, repeatedly if you have to. Don’t waste your time in stores. Don’t worry if something doesn’t fit your door handles/whatever. Keep ordering. You can return stuff later or let it go or post up to a neighborhood share.

2. This is probably a 40+ hour job. Divide it up over two weeks. Do an area you can lock up and finish up. As you keep going, your progress will cheer you and keep you going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Loving the suggestions! When it comes to donating old clothes, I have to admit this paralyzes some of my efforts because I don’t have a go-to place, so it just gets shoved somewhere for “later” which then becomes never. I’m in Arlington if anyone has some suggestions.

Send boxes to Thredup. They take forever and you will make next to nothing even if your clothes actually do sell - but it is VERY satisfying to send off big boxes of clothes you know will make SOMEONE happy, just not you. I've sent over, I think, five giant boxes just in the last six months.

Love the suggestions so far. I really like the idea of low hanging fruit first (toss tons of stuff you don't actually want or need), then going space by space and making it manageable for yourself. That might be a room, a closet, even just a drawer. Just make sure that you are always in the process of tackling something.

This is a great way to let a huge for-profit company get a tax deduction for donating the vast majority of clothes you send them instead of you just donating the clothes and getting the tax deduction. yourself. The vast majority of stuff that gets sent to ThredUp doesn't sell. The last box I sent them of high end (some with tags still on them) clothes and handbags was not even accepted, they donated all of it. I was so pissed. This is a really scammy company, just schedule a Salvation Army pickup and take the tax deduction yourself. Don't support these people who are basically just stealing from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a lot of info. For anyone else looking for unique tips.
1. Take some precautions to keep things out away that you do get done. Order online: locks for closets. Any kind you can get. Ideas, depending on your needs
a) baby locks or latches - young kids
b) adhesive latches you can put up high - medium sized kids
c) actual locks - big kids and up

My rules on locking stuff, I always say YES to open, I just need to monitor and make sure too much isn’t coming out at once.

Pro tip: order online, repeatedly if you have to. Don’t waste your time in stores. Don’t worry if something doesn’t fit your door handles/whatever. Keep ordering. You can return stuff later or let it go or post up to a neighborhood share.

2. This is probably a 40+ hour job. Divide it up over two weeks. Do an area you can lock up and finish up. As you keep going, your progress will cheer you and keep you going.

Are we reading the same thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your husband may be a hoarder. Have you looked into medical diagnosis and medical treatment? You might be fighting a losing battle...

Nah - and I can only imagine the marital repercussions if I tried to get him diagnosed as a hoarder. Seriously, though, he’s a slob with too much stuff but it’s more of a lazy path-of-least-resistance thing than an unhealthy attachment to things.

I help my parents with this stuff sometimes - and I found literally hundreds of plastic bags stuffed with hotel shampoo in their closet. My mom got so angry when I went to throw it away. And she's really not a hoarder - there is just something about this free stuff that people get so WEIRD about. I finally got her to let me throw it away, and I can't imagine her life is ever going to be worse because she doesn't have a 20-year-old half-used bottle of conditioner sitting around.

In any case - this doesn't sound like hoarding to me. But I do think you have to get your husband to just start throwing that stuff out when it comes into the house. Your life is never going to be worse because you don't have ancient packets of ketchup sitting in a drawer. And a lot of this stuff is really about habit - get in the habit of throwing it out (or not bringing it in in the first place) and this will def get easier.

When I watched the show Hoarders (which can actually be great motivation TV for cleaning) one of the things that stayed with me is how they often described someone who had a cluttered but functional house until a trauma or series of traumas happened and then they kind of went off the rails. Which is pretty much how my parents are. I think for many people it can kind of be manageable for a long time or forever, OR it can get out of control. Which tracks with all sorts of other mental health issues right? Depression, anxiety, etc etc.

+1. I have seen this happen in my own family. Hoarding is on a spectrum, and “cluttered house with more stuff than they really need” can become a full on hoarder house with age/trauma/depression. Not being able to get rid of things they don’t need, even if the person doesn’t seem to meet the definition of a “hoarder,” is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your husband may be a hoarder. Have you looked into medical diagnosis and medical treatment? You might be fighting a losing battle...

Nah - and I can only imagine the marital repercussions if I tried to get him diagnosed as a hoarder. Seriously, though, he’s a slob with too much stuff but it’s more of a lazy path-of-least-resistance thing than an unhealthy attachment to things.

I help my parents with this stuff sometimes - and I found literally hundreds of plastic bags stuffed with hotel shampoo in their closet. My mom got so angry when I went to throw it away. And she's really not a hoarder - there is just something about this free stuff that people get so WEIRD about. I finally got her to let me throw it away, and I can't imagine her life is ever going to be worse because she doesn't have a 20-year-old half-used bottle of conditioner sitting around.

In any case - this doesn't sound like hoarding to me. But I do think you have to get your husband to just start throwing that stuff out when it comes into the house. Your life is never going to be worse because you don't have ancient packets of ketchup sitting in a drawer. And a lot of this stuff is really about habit - get in the habit of throwing it out (or not bringing it in in the first place) and this will def get easier.

When I watched the show Hoarders (which can actually be great motivation TV for cleaning) one of the things that stayed with me is how they often described someone who had a cluttered but functional house until a trauma or series of traumas happened and then they kind of went off the rails. Which is pretty much how my parents are. I think for many people it can kind of be manageable for a long time or forever, OR it can get out of control. Which tracks with all sorts of other mental health issues right? Depression, anxiety, etc etc.

+1 for watching Hoarders being motivation (although having cleaned out a hoarder house, I can’t watch much, as I swear I have a bit of ptsd from the experience). There’s a YouTube channel called Midwest Magic Cleaning contains videos of a man who cleans hoarder houses (and some that are really just super cluttered). The host has a quirky personality, but he’s simultaneously very frank about and empathetic with the people he’s helping. He has good practical tips about how to get started cleaning an incredibly cluttered space, and watching always motivates me to tackle my own cleaning projects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I try to switch my mind set to “if I saw this at someone else’s house, would I think it needs to be trashed/donated”?
Much easier to get rid of things without an often silly emotional attachment.

This is a good one!