Organizing and cleaning an insanely disorganized house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw money at it and hire someone.

Honestly, I’m not sure it lends itself to hiring someone, at least not at this stage. The cleaning eventually, yes, but the bigger challenge involves going through everything and tossing/organizing. Sadly, I don’t think I can outsource that one.

There's a psychological aspect to hiring someone, you're more likely to follow through if you're paying someone else.

[Anonymous]

OP what ended up happening with the kitchen drawer? How many pan holders and hot mitts did you keep? How many of the hidden sauce packets and other take out stuff? This will help us know what you’re up against.

Hot mitts are actually not a bad barometer of how much your problem is disorganization and how much it’s hoarding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can create a budget for furniture or storage items to help organize. One problem we had was that there was no where for some items to go. When we invested in a few strategic furniture items we suddenly felt like things were so much more organized.

That has to be part of the keep/don't keep calculus. Keeping something includes the cost of some way to store it. You really need to get yourself away from thinking that it's free to keep stuff.

Op here. We bought some big bookshelves a few months ago and that helped a little. We have so much stuff I know my husband will never willingly part with, complicating the process. A lot of it defies easy categorization, and I’m at a loss of how/where to store a lot of his random and ever-accumulating stuff. Are there any specific furniture / storage solutions you would specifically recommend as helpful? And to give a sense for the overwhelmingness of the decluttering and cleaning task at hand, a few minutes ago I decided to tackle a simple kitchen drawer that we use to store pan-holders and hot-mitts. As I started removing the top layer of mitts, I found like 200 ketchup and sauce packets (and something had definitely exploded along the way!), and just the biggest blob of random free crap presumably from take out orders (think straws, napkins, plastic forks). I really thought that drawer was mostly empty, but the truth was someone’s been shoving stuff in there for years! If the whole house is basically a large-scale version of the nightmare secret ketchup drawer, maybe I should just move and start over!!!

Okay - this is fine! You’ve gotta start somewhere. So, throw out all the random takeout stuff. All of it. That’s step one.

Then step two is to stop and think for a second. How many pan holders and hot mitts do you need? Well, you’ve only got two hands. And maybe you cook together sometimes, that’s 4. And maybe two more as backup. That six total, MAXIMUM.

So go look at the drawer again. Are any of the pan holders and hot mitts ruined? Throw them out. Do you have more than six? If so, go through them and pick your 4-6 favorite. The others need to get out of your house. If any of them are nice ones (no stains, etc), then start a “donate” box. The rest go in the trash.

Check the drawer again. Is it gross? If so, clean it. Any of your newly chosen hot mitts need to be washed? To the wash they go. Put the rest back in. Done.

That sounds like a lot, but outside the cleaning (which this does seem like a more extreme case of, most drawers I wouldn’t bother cleaning until way later in this process if it’s just regular dust/gunk rather than sticky ketchup) I bet it’s only 10 mins of work. Which means you can do six drawers in an hour.

You’ve got this! Just jump in and don’t be afraid to throw crap out.

[Anonymous]

“Decluttering at the speed of life”. I listen to the audio book as I organize. It’s really helpful!!

[Anonymous]

When was the last time the house was deep cleaned? I went 3 years without a cleaner during Covid plus five people working from home so the house got pretty dusty and grimy. The first thing that helped was having a cleaner reallg clean the house despite the clutter. I swallowed my embarrassment and just did it. It jumpstarted the process for me of getting the house in shape. Now I am stuffing donations into plastic bags for the dropoffs at Goodwill or whomever wants them. Feels great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can create a budget for furniture or storage items to help organize. One problem we had was that there was no where for some items to go. When we invested in a few strategic furniture items we suddenly felt like things were so much more organized.

That has to be part of the keep/don't keep calculus. Keeping something includes the cost of some way to store it. You really need to get yourself away from thinking that it's free to keep stuff.

Op here. We bought some big bookshelves a few months ago and that helped a little. We have so much stuff I know my husband will never willingly part with, complicating the process. A lot of it defies easy categorization, and I’m at a loss of how/where to store a lot of his random and ever-accumulating stuff. Are there any specific furniture / storage solutions you would specifically recommend as helpful? And to give a sense for the overwhelmingness of the decluttering and cleaning task at hand, a few minutes ago I decided to tackle a simple kitchen drawer that we use to store pan-holders and hot-mitts. As I started removing the top layer of mitts, I found like 200 ketchup and sauce packets (and something had definitely exploded along the way!), and just the biggest blob of random free crap presumably from take out orders (think straws, napkins, plastic forks). I really thought that drawer was mostly empty, but the truth was someone’s been shoving stuff in there for years! If the whole house is basically a large-scale version of the nightmare secret ketchup drawer, maybe I should just move and start over!!!

Okay - this is fine! You’ve gotta start somewhere. So, throw out all the random takeout stuff. All of it. That’s step one.

Then step two is to stop and think for a second. How many pan holders and hot mitts do you need? Well, you’ve only got two hands. And maybe you cook together sometimes, that’s 4. And maybe two more as backup. That six total, MAXIMUM.

So go look at the drawer again. Are any of the pan holders and hot mitts ruined? Throw them out. Do you have more than six? If so, go through them and pick your 4-6 favorite. The others need to get out of your house. If any of them are nice ones (no stains, etc), then start a “donate” box. The rest go in the trash.

Check the drawer again. Is it gross? If so, clean it. Any of your newly chosen hot mitts need to be washed? To the wash they go. Put the rest back in. Done.

That sounds like a lot, but outside the cleaning (which this does seem like a more extreme case of, most drawers I wouldn’t bother cleaning until way later in this process if it’s just regular dust/gunk rather than sticky ketchup) I bet it’s only 10 mins of work. Which means you can do six drawers in an hour.

You’ve got this! Just jump in and don’t be afraid to throw crap out.

Yeah, I was going to say 4 hot mitts and zero take out stuff and sauce packets. OP if you went through that drawer and kept any more than that, you have a big hurdle of psychological work to do in order to get your house clean. It’s doable for most people I think! Being cluttered doesn’t mean you have hoarding disorder. But it does mean you’ll have to change the way you think about stuff, which is extra work on top of the actual physical work of going through everything. So you’ll need to hire someone to compensate or give yourself more time and tools (pick a book or method, to start). That’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Loving the suggestions! When it comes to donating old clothes, I have to admit this paralyzes some of my efforts because I don’t have a go-to place, so it just gets shoved somewhere for “later” which then becomes never. I’m in Arlington if anyone has some suggestions.

I have just been using Green drop - they come to your house.

They've been a no show TWICE for me. I use Salvation Army.

[Anonymous]

I threw it all away, except for 3 mitts, one of which I cleaned. I also tackled another large cabinet that was full of expired dried goods. I’m very comfortable throwing stuff away in the kitchen because there’s nothing sentimental about anything, except perhaps some cute coffee mugs. I’m thinking it’s a great place to focus my attention this week because hauling trash bags out of the kitchen gives me visual progress and there are a lot of pretty basic pantry organization supplies that will probably make a big difference. My current plan is to aggressively tackle one area of the house per week for four weeks and then hire someone for a deep clean, recognizing that that is the beginning of the process, not the end.

One thing that I’m coming to terms with is that if I don’t deal with this, nobody will, even though the majority of the clutter was brought in by and/or for my husband and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can create a budget for furniture or storage items to help organize. One problem we had was that there was no where for some items to go. When we invested in a few strategic furniture items we suddenly felt like things were so much more organized.

That has to be part of the keep/don't keep calculus. Keeping something includes the cost of some way to store it. You really need to get yourself away from thinking that it's free to keep stuff.

Op here. We bought some big bookshelves a few months ago and that helped a little. We have so much stuff I know my husband will never willingly part with, complicating the process. A lot of it defies easy categorization, and I’m at a loss of how/where to store a lot of his random and ever-accumulating stuff. Are there any specific furniture / storage solutions you would specifically recommend as helpful? And to give a sense for the overwhelmingness of the decluttering and cleaning task at hand, a few minutes ago I decided to tackle a simple kitchen drawer that we use to store pan-holders and hot-mitts. As I started removing the top layer of mitts, I found like 200 ketchup and sauce packets (and something had definitely exploded along the way!), and just the biggest blob of random free crap presumably from take out orders (think straws, napkins, plastic forks). I really thought that drawer was mostly empty, but the truth was someone’s been shoving stuff in there for years! If the whole house is basically a large-scale version of the nightmare secret ketchup drawer, maybe I should just move and start over!!!

Oh, OP, I feel your pain. My husband is JUST LIKE THIS. I bought new pot holders and he hates them, so he kept the old stained, disgusting ones. And he keeps ALL the sauces. Every few months, I go through and throw them all out. We just moved and I feel like I got a fresh start on anything (not that I'm recommending you move). My strategy is a large basket. I literally just throw all his stuff in that basket and when it fills up, I make him go through it with me and he will throw out maybe 1/3 of it, put 1/3 away and say he'll get to the remaining 1/3 later but never does so it sit permanently in the basket. I also have a small bin in which I throw extra screws, bolts, Allen wrenches, and other random bits and parts that come from putting things together. In about a year, I'll probably throw it all out.

I know this doesn't help you now as you declutter, but hoping to provide some helpful strategies for maintaining after you declutter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can create a budget for furniture or storage items to help organize. One problem we had was that there was no where for some items to go. When we invested in a few strategic furniture items we suddenly felt like things were so much more organized.

That has to be part of the keep/don't keep calculus. Keeping something includes the cost of some way to store it. You really need to get yourself away from thinking that it's free to keep stuff.

Op here. We bought some big bookshelves a few months ago and that helped a little. We have so much stuff I know my husband will never willingly part with, complicating the process. A lot of it defies easy categorization, and I’m at a loss of how/where to store a lot of his random and ever-accumulating stuff. Are there any specific furniture / storage solutions you would specifically recommend as helpful? And to give a sense for the overwhelmingness of the decluttering and cleaning task at hand, a few minutes ago I decided to tackle a simple kitchen drawer that we use to store pan-holders and hot-mitts. As I started removing the top layer of mitts, I found like 200 ketchup and sauce packets (and something had definitely exploded along the way!), and just the biggest blob of random free crap presumably from take out orders (think straws, napkins, plastic forks). I really thought that drawer was mostly empty, but the truth was someone’s been shoving stuff in there for years! If the whole house is basically a large-scale version of the nightmare secret ketchup drawer, maybe I should just move and start over!!!

Pretend it's temporary. "Hey, is it OK if I put all the stuff in this drawer in the closet for a bit?" Then straight to the trash. He'll never miss it. If he does, say it must be in the house somewhere.

Bad idea. Box it, date it, and when he hasn't missed if for a few months/years ask to toss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I threw it all away, except for 3 mitts, one of which I cleaned. I also tackled another large cabinet that was full of expired dried goods. I’m very comfortable throwing stuff away in the kitchen because there’s nothing sentimental about anything, except perhaps some cute coffee mugs. I’m thinking it’s a great place to focus my attention this week because hauling trash bags out of the kitchen gives me visual progress and there are a lot of pretty basic pantry organization supplies that will probably make a big difference. My current plan is to aggressively tackle one area of the house per week for four weeks and then hire someone for a deep clean, recognizing that that is the beginning of the process, not the end.

One thing that I’m coming to terms with is that if I don’t deal with this, nobody will, even though the majority of the clutter was brought in by and/or for my husband and kids.

OP that is amazing!! You are definitely going to be successful.

I really like the Kondo process of piling a category, sorting, and then making a home for everything. I thought the categories worked pretty well for me. But since you have the psychological strength/skill, you can probably apply any of the popular methods. Kondo, decluttering at the speed of life, whatever you like. Or just go at it room by room.

Re: your DH. My DH is not an issue but my mother is. Here are my top tips:
1) build trust. Don’t lie or hide throwing away things, at least not for a long time. Trust is a huge part of it. Once they trust you to help them it’s easier.
2) embrace “deep storage” that is effectively trash. For me and my mom this is totes in the garage. Realistically, neither she nor anyone else will ever go looking for the things in the totes. It’s just a compromise for when something should be exited from the house but she can’t let go.
3) label the totes and any kind of boxes with EVERYTHING in there. Like, “extra screwdrivers, box of nails, tax returns from 10 years ago, Christmas card envelopes.” “Three extra pillowcases, twin blanket.” If it just says “miscellaneous” or “bedding” you’re leaving a hard task for your future self. Since all the deep storage is labeled like this at my mom’s now, it will be much faster and easier to go through it later. By which I mean toss it. But it would also be easier for her to find the Christmas card envelopes she will never go looking for if she hypothetically did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw it all away, except for 3 mitts, one of which I cleaned. I also tackled another large cabinet that was full of expired dried goods. I’m very comfortable throwing stuff away in the kitchen because there’s nothing sentimental about anything, except perhaps some cute coffee mugs. I’m thinking it’s a great place to focus my attention this week because hauling trash bags out of the kitchen gives me visual progress and there are a lot of pretty basic pantry organization supplies that will probably make a big difference. My current plan is to aggressively tackle one area of the house per week for four weeks and then hire someone for a deep clean, recognizing that that is the beginning of the process, not the end.

One thing that I’m coming to terms with is that if I don’t deal with this, nobody will, even though the majority of the clutter was brought in by and/or for my husband and kids.

OP that is amazing!! You are definitely going to be successful.

I really like the Kondo process of piling a category, sorting, and then making a home for everything. I thought the categories worked pretty well for me. But since you have the psychological strength/skill, you can probably apply any of the popular methods. Kondo, decluttering at the speed of life, whatever you like. Or just go at it room by room.

Re: your DH. My DH is not an issue but my mother is. Here are my top tips:
1) build trust. Don’t lie or hide throwing away things, at least not for a long time. Trust is a huge part of it. Once they trust you to help them it’s easier.
2) embrace “deep storage” that is effectively trash. For me and my mom this is totes in the garage. Realistically, neither she nor anyone else will ever go looking for the things in the totes. It’s just a compromise for when something should be exited from the house but she can’t let go.
3) label the totes and any kind of boxes with EVERYTHING in there. Like, “extra screwdrivers, box of nails, tax returns from 10 years ago, Christmas card envelopes.” “Three extra pillowcases, twin blanket.” If it just says “miscellaneous” or “bedding” you’re leaving a hard task for your future self. Since all the deep storage is labeled like this at my mom’s now, it will be much faster and easier to go through it later. By which I mean toss it. But it would also be easier for her to find the Christmas card envelopes she will never go looking for if she hypothetically did.

PS - before I implemented this system, she would sometimes make a Doom Box of random crap and label it with HER OWN NAME, then put it in HER OWN garage. You can see why I went to the “label the box with every item” system. I really believe in it.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP but I can relate. My husband hides things from me that he knows I would want him to get rid of, so I don't feel bad throwing them out when I do find them. This is not sentimental or valuable stuff. Today's item was a parmesan cheese container I found way up on the top shelf of a pantry cabinet that he knows I can't reach or see without a stepstool. He loves to save those containers and reuse, but there are only so many we need, we cannot reuse every single one that comes into the house. I hid it under the other recyclable items. He focuses on reuse versus reduce or recycle, and it drives me crazy!

[Anonymous]

Watch AuriKatrina on Youtube

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw it all away, except for 3 mitts, one of which I cleaned. I also tackled another large cabinet that was full of expired dried goods. I’m very comfortable throwing stuff away in the kitchen because there’s nothing sentimental about anything, except perhaps some cute coffee mugs. I’m thinking it’s a great place to focus my attention this week because hauling trash bags out of the kitchen gives me visual progress and there are a lot of pretty basic pantry organization supplies that will probably make a big difference. My current plan is to aggressively tackle one area of the house per week for four weeks and then hire someone for a deep clean, recognizing that that is the beginning of the process, not the end.

One thing that I’m coming to terms with is that if I don’t deal with this, nobody will, even though the majority of the clutter was brought in by and/or for my husband and kids.

OP that is amazing!! You are definitely going to be successful.

I really like the Kondo process of piling a category, sorting, and then making a home for everything. I thought the categories worked pretty well for me. But since you have the psychological strength/skill, you can probably apply any of the popular methods. Kondo, decluttering at the speed of life, whatever you like. Or just go at it room by room.

Re: your DH. My DH is not an issue but my mother is. Here are my top tips:
1) build trust. Don’t lie or hide throwing away things, at least not for a long time. Trust is a huge part of it. Once they trust you to help them it’s easier.
2) embrace “deep storage” that is effectively trash. For me and my mom this is totes in the garage. Realistically, neither she nor anyone else will ever go looking for the things in the totes. It’s just a compromise for when something should be exited from the house but she can’t let go.
3) label the totes and any kind of boxes with EVERYTHING in there. Like, “extra screwdrivers, box of nails, tax returns from 10 years ago, Christmas card envelopes.” “Three extra pillowcases, twin blanket.” If it just says “miscellaneous” or “bedding” you’re leaving a hard task for your future self. Since all the deep storage is labeled like this at my mom’s now, it will be much faster and easier to go through it later. By which I mean toss it. But it would also be easier for her to find the Christmas card envelopes she will never go looking for if she hypothetically did.

Along those lines, I found that a big psychological aid for me was buying a label maker and putting printed labels on things. If it's not worth printing out a label ... it's not worth keeping. It puts a little gear in the sands of the process of just shoving stuff into a box or drawer.