Sleeping in separate bedrooms

[Anonymous]

In our previous house, we didn't have a guest room. My wife snored so loudly that I'd often go into the walk-in closet and sleep on the floor.

Glad those days are over. The guest room is fine.

[Anonymous]

I mean, do I wish we both slept soundly and perfectly in the same bed and no one got up with kids during the night ever? Yes that would be ideal. But in reality I can’t be a decent human being without adequate sleep so most of the time we sleep separately. My DH doesn’t like the idea of it but since the kids get me 90 percent of the time he so pretty happy. And I have no problem having sex and then going to a different room. I have zero interest in sex when I’m exhausted. So it’s a trade off that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

PP here - I think when one person is miserable and the other is trying to stop them from feeling better the marriage is already one or more steps towards being over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Married 20 years. Sleeping in separate beds that past five. Why?

She's gained a lot of weight and in turn, a very loud snoring problem. I sleep with earplugs, but can hear her snoring away in the other room when I am awake. I can't imagine being able to sleep with her snoring like that.

I get up and pee 3+ times a night. I also sometimes snore. She finds both of these things disturbing as well.

In her perfect world, we would sleep wrapped around each other's bodies. I'm unable to sleep if I'm touching someone.

So we're kind of incompatible as sleepmates. I'm not sure where I'm going with this...but we're still together.

God that sounds horrible. DH and I usually sleep separately and it’s amazing…I feel like it’s part of why we get along so well.

That and the middle of night stuff sounds like the memories of the early days of a relationship and not what happens decades in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here - I think when one person is miserable and the other is trying to stop them from feeling better the marriage is already one or more steps towards being over.

I agree. The person who said their "feelings were hurt" by their partner trying to get a restful night sleep is a walking red flag. Sleep is an essential part of health. That's like saying "he ate a salad and it hurt my feelings".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People always say this has nothing to do with their marital happiness, it makes the marriage better etc etc but I never believe it. Cuddling and ... spontaneity are a huge part of intimacy for me.

This

When there are teenagers who seem to be awake at all hours, this is not a thing. Sex is for during the day when the kids are out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very tired. I do not want to sleep with my husband anymore as that makes it a lot worse, this will hopefully be temporary. There is no good solution other than to remove what is making me tired or to remove myself from the room. He thinks if I don't sleep with him, then the marriage is on its way to being over. Can any happy couples who don't sleep together chime in?

Actually, it can rekindle fading romance, surprise and novelty in a long monogamous relationship with kids, jobs, chores and finances.

Just like long distance or frequent travel, some couples can make it work to their family's advantage and others would destroy their relationships.

[Anonymous]

Sleep is essential for physical and mental health, productivity at work and patience in relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here - I think when one person is miserable and the other is trying to stop them from feeling better the marriage is already one or more steps towards being over.

I agree. The person who said their "feelings were hurt" by their partner trying to get a restful night sleep is a walking red flag. Sleep is an essential part of health. That's like saying "he ate a salad and it hurt my feelings".

Not necessarily. Some people just want to save their marriage as they hear too many stories of couples slowly drifting apart.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure to intentionally make time for each other, marriage is not just sex but also companionship and mutual comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People always say this has nothing to do with their marital happiness, it makes the marriage better etc etc but I never believe it. Cuddling and ... spontaneity are a huge part of intimacy for me.

This

When there are teenagers who seem to be awake at all hours, this is not a thing. Sex is for during the day when the kids are out.

As another parent of fellow teenagers, this made me laugh. It's very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here - I think when one person is miserable and the other is trying to stop them from feeling better the marriage is already one or more steps towards being over.

I agree. The person who said their "feelings were hurt" by their partner trying to get a restful night sleep is a walking red flag. Sleep is an essential part of health. That's like saying "he ate a salad and it hurt my feelings".

Not necessarily. Some people just want to save their marriage as they hear too many stories of couples slowly drifting apart.

And how is keeping one spouse awake indefinitely helping to save anything? Forcing someone to endure work or children on little sleep is closer to torture than saving a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People always say this has nothing to do with their marital happiness, it makes the marriage better etc etc but I never believe it. Cuddling and ... spontaneity are a huge part of intimacy for me.

This

When there are teenagers who seem to be awake at all hours, this is not a thing. Sex is for during the day when the kids are out.

This terrifies me as a high-drive woman in an earlier stage of parenting! Really?? Can you not be discreet/quiet? Also aren't teens over at friends' or doing sports, etc. a lot??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the implication that sleeping in separate rooms kills sex life? I don't think so. I would hate it if my spouse would want to have sex with me when I am in deep sleep just because he is at arm's length.

Nobody is trying to get down with their spouse when they are in a deep sleep.

But separate rooms probably does mean the end of to some intimate scenarios like early morning before the kids get up and you're both still half-asleep, or middle of the night a thunderstorm woke both of you up so you sorta inch closer to each other.

I'm not discouraging separate rooms, especially with the loud snorers, but I have to imagine its hard to recreate those scenarios

[Anonymous]

Why don't the scorers get a CPAP?!