Why make their own doc appts?

[Anonymous]

I think the point of this kind of advice is to approach making doctor appointments as a goal, and to provide support as they are learning to do that.

In our family, that means my oldest sat with me and listened a few times as I made the appointment. Then they made appointments on speakerphone with me nearby so I could help if they got stuck.

My middle kid has zero phone anxiety, so he probably won't need that level of support. But it's something kids should know how to do before they get to college, so plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I started teaching this to my son around age 16. He has a serious mental illness and I knew he would need a good two years to practice making doctor appointments and getting his meds.

[Anonymous]

My kids started when they were HS seniors and driving. Only for simple things like the dentist. They didn’t like the times I picked so I told them to find a day/time that worked for them. It’s good to start with things that are low stakes rather than for your child to be away from home feeling crappy and not know where to start. My college kids are still welcome to call or text me for medical advice but they can handle most anything now.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nurse and work at a college health clinic. I can usually tell the students whose parents encouraged independence with things like making doctor's appointments, filling out forms, etc. from those whose parents did all of that stuff for them. It definitely matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….

Because it is much more efficient to do larger loads combining laundry for the whole family. Like making dinner, or going grocery shopping, silly to have every family member doing it individually even though they are fully capable.

True, my son would run the machine for just his favorite pair of shorts and nothing else!

DP. How does doing laundry on his behalf prevent your DS from washing a single article of clothing? Do you do laundry every day? My kids do their own laundry and I've inculcated in them that they can't just do a few articles of clothing. They need to have at least 5 and, if needed, they can throw in other family member's laundry. I'd rather the front loader take on the 'efficiency' of laundry than me having to do it. My time is more valuable than my kids'.

The level of effort to make a dinner sufficiently large for everyone is much lower than the effort to do laundry and the time frames are different. Everyone eats in the evening. Not everyone needs to have their laundry done at the same time or on a daily basis. We don't make dinner for everyone because it's efficient, we do it because we all need to be fed and we sit and eat together. Regarding grocery shopping - we keep a centralized list so whoever goes to the store can get what's on the list, not just because it's efficient but because it's polite and we share a household. But, I don't care if my kids run out to get something they want/need if it's an immediate need or they didn't put it on the list.

Well in my family it is polite and efficient to take care of the whole hamper not just your 5 ? things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not like going away to college means you no longer communicate. "Mom, I have felt crappy for two days. I have a fever (thanks for sending me with a thermometer!)... "Mom I rolled my ankle on a run this morning and it is swelling..

I might suggest the health center or urgent care. I might suggest waiting a day. You can guide them fine from a distance as things come up. I do not think this is something that needs practice in HS given that I am likely the one transporting and paying and dealing with insurance.

"Mom I tripped over my umbilical cord and sprained my ankle. Mom the helicopter blade cut my arm and it's bleeding a lot."

I am sorry your kids stopped talking to you when b they went to college! It's not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not like going away to college means you no longer communicate. "Mom, I have felt crappy for two days. I have a fever (thanks for sending me with a thermometer!)... "Mom I rolled my ankle on a run this morning and it is swelling..

I might suggest the health center or urgent care. I might suggest waiting a day. You can guide them fine from a distance as things come up. I do not think this is something that needs practice in HS given that I am likely the one transporting and paying and dealing with insurance.

"Mom I tripped over my umbilical cord and sprained my ankle. Mom the helicopter blade cut my arm and it's bleeding a lot."

I am sorry your kids stopped talking to you when b they went to college! It's not the norm.

NP. My kids are in college and we talk. Frequently. Still, if, by college, they did not know how to handle a fever or a rolled ankle without calling me, and wouldn't know to go to the health center/urgent care/wait a day on their own without me telling them to do that, I would feel like I had failed as a parent.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure my kid is capable but why? I schedule it as I'm driving and going. I'm not letting my teen go to a doctor alone, speaking as someone who was given in inappropriate exam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not like going away to college means you no longer communicate. "Mom, I have felt crappy for two days. I have a fever (thanks for sending me with a thermometer!)... "Mom I rolled my ankle on a run this morning and it is swelling..

I might suggest the health center or urgent care. I might suggest waiting a day. You can guide them fine from a distance as things come up. I do not think this is something that needs practice in HS given that I am likely the one transporting and paying and dealing with insurance.

"Mom I tripped over my umbilical cord and sprained my ankle. Mom the helicopter blade cut my arm and it's bleeding a lot."

I am sorry your kids stopped talking to you when b they went to college! It's not the norm.

NP. My kids are in college and we talk. Frequently. Still, if, by college, they did not know how to handle a fever or a rolled ankle without calling me, and wouldn't know to go to the health center/urgent care/wait a day on their own without me telling them to do that, I would feel like I had failed as a parent.

I am 55 and sometimes I am sometimes unsure about when to go to the doctor and when to wait it out or try to self treat. I know I am not alone given the number of posts that are on DCUM about the same thing. Lots of failed parents out there I guess. Congrats to you though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….

Because it is much more efficient to do larger loads combining laundry for the whole family. Like making dinner, or going grocery shopping, silly to have every family member doing it individually even though they are fully capable.

True, my son would run the machine for just his favorite pair of shorts and nothing else!

DP. How does doing laundry on his behalf prevent your DS from washing a single article of clothing? Do you do laundry every day? My kids do their own laundry and I've inculcated in them that they can't just do a few articles of clothing. They need to have at least 5 and, if needed, they can throw in other family member's laundry. I'd rather the front loader take on the 'efficiency' of laundry than me having to do it. My time is more valuable than my kids'.

The level of effort to make a dinner sufficiently large for everyone is much lower than the effort to do laundry and the time frames are different. Everyone eats in the evening. Not everyone needs to have their laundry done at the same time or on a daily basis. We don't make dinner for everyone because it's efficient, we do it because we all need to be fed and we sit and eat together. Regarding grocery shopping - we keep a centralized list so whoever goes to the store can get what's on the list, not just because it's efficient but because it's polite and we share a household. But, I don't care if my kids run out to get something they want/need if it's an immediate need or they didn't put it on the list.

Well in my family it is polite and efficient to take care of the whole hamper not just your 5 ? things.

You have a single hamper for the whole family!?

The actual washing/drying of clothes is super easy. It's putting them away that's the hassle - and I have no interest in putting their clothes away. Also, I don't wash my kids' clothes anymore because I'm more particular in how I want my clothes wash/dried (or not put in the dryer). My boys, in particular, don't care and that's fine. I have enough on my plate and have no interest in taking on tasks they are perfectly capable of doing. The cost of your 'efficiency' is greater than I'm willing to pay.

[Anonymous]

I made my own doctor's appointments as a kid and usually went by myself. My mom was a busy working mom and as she would say "you know your schedule better than I do."
Now, was my mom a narcissist who was checked out of parenting by the time I came along? Yes. But it also empowered me to do things on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….

Because it is much more efficient to do larger loads combining laundry for the whole family. Like making dinner, or going grocery shopping, silly to have every family member doing it individually even though they are fully capable.

True, my son would run the machine for just his favorite pair of shorts and nothing else!

DP. How does doing laundry on his behalf prevent your DS from washing a single article of clothing? Do you do laundry every day? My kids do their own laundry and I've inculcated in them that they can't just do a few articles of clothing. They need to have at least 5 and, if needed, they can throw in other family member's laundry. I'd rather the front loader take on the 'efficiency' of laundry than me having to do it. My time is more valuable than my kids'.

The level of effort to make a dinner sufficiently large for everyone is much lower than the effort to do laundry and the time frames are different. Everyone eats in the evening. Not everyone needs to have their laundry done at the same time or on a daily basis. We don't make dinner for everyone because it's efficient, we do it because we all need to be fed and we sit and eat together. Regarding grocery shopping - we keep a centralized list so whoever goes to the store can get what's on the list, not just because it's efficient but because it's polite and we share a household. But, I don't care if my kids run out to get something they want/need if it's an immediate need or they didn't put it on the list.

Well in my family it is polite and efficient to take care of the whole hamper not just your 5 ? things.

You have a single hamper for the whole family!?

The actual washing/drying of clothes is super easy. It's putting them away that's the hassle - and I have no interest in putting their clothes away. Also, I don't wash my kids' clothes anymore because I'm more particular in how I want my clothes wash/dried (or not put in the dryer). My boys, in particular, don't care and that's fine. I have enough on my plate and have no interest in taking on tasks they are perfectly capable of doing. The cost of your 'efficiency' is greater than I'm willing to pay.

3 hampers....whites, brights, and other. Laundry is upstairs with the bedrooms. It is easy for everyone to deposit clothes. No one has to have a hamper in their room.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm just confused why some of the "I make my kid's appointments for them" parents in this thread are so adamant about it. Do they actively want to be in charge of their kid's healthcare, do they think the kid will let something slip through the cracks, do they think the kid is hiding something from them? Or did they see a comment somewhere from a parent about how their kid does this for themselves, feel judged, and decide that judgmental jerk is the one who is parenting wrong?

I can see making your kid's appointments for them, even in their teens. Heck, at that point it's force of habit. I can't see fighting with parents whose kids make their own appointments that they're "snowplowing" (??) or not close with their kids or doing something wrong. It's not the behavior, it's the passion that's confusing me.

[Anonymous]

When I was in HS, I learned how to make my own follow-up appointments at the orthodontist and I walked there from school. I went to a dermatologist and my mom coached me as I filled out the new patient paperwork and gave the receptionist my insurance card. You don’t just set your kids loose and hope they figure it out, you coach them. “You need an annual sports physical. Here are some dates I can take you. Compare that to your summer job schedule and call the Dr to make an appointment.”

These are important life skills. My freshman year in college I had a pregnancy scare, a mental health crisis, pink eye, and a UTI. Thank goodness I knew how to call the health center and advocate for myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because my kids went off to college far from home and needed to know how to self-evaluate and make decisions about when medical intervention was needed.

They learn to self evaluate with their parent’s help while growing up. It’s like laundry. People are so proud their three year old can do his own laundry. Lots of kids never did laundry growing up and when they moved out they did their laundry. Same with health care although it’s not a bad idea to call your mom if you’re not feeling well at college or your new job.