Would you miss either of these events for a girls weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends.

If I had a girls weekend scheduled in Europe, with a group of people, and we'd all agreed on a date, and then we find a sleep away camp that my kid wants to go to and it turns out the first day is when I'm away, absolutely I would miss it. My husband can handle something like that. Backing out of a trip like that for that reason after a weekend has been chosen is crappy.

If my friends and I are trying to schedule a weekend away, I would definitely lead with those dates not being good for me. BUT if it's like 10 people, you're going to have to be flexible to make it happen. People are going to have immovable commitments, and there's only so many weekends. I would sacrifice either of these to make that trip happen if it was the only option ASSUMING these are friends that are important to me and I want to go.

It's also okay to say (internally) "yes, this trip will be fun if it fits in my schedule, but at this stage in my life, I'm not willing to miss any even somewhat important kid things," provide the weekends that work for you, and if they don't work for others, say "I'm bummed to miss it, but my calendar is tight this year. You guys should go and have a great time, take lots of pictures for me."

Op - no we haven’t booked it yet, i said those weekends are an issue for me but apparently they are best for others

PP here. Okay. The first thing I'd do is dig in on "best for others" - if this is a large group and there are really immovable things, that's one thing. If other weekends are potentially workable for others, just not "best" then I'd probably push back. Might be easiest to do this on a group call.

But you may need to decide how much you're willing to sacrifice for this girls trip. That's a very personal decision. If you would rather make this girls trip work, do it. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it's one weekend. If you would rather be there for camp and your kid's birthday, do it. That doesn't make you a bad friend, it's one trip.

What I would NOT do is cave to peer pressure in either direction. If you want to go on the trip but think "good moms" are here for these kinds of things, that's ridiculous, go on the trip. If you want to be at the kid events but your friends are really pushing you, tell them no and hold firm. You know what's best for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

I would never miss a birthday.

Camp drop off seems fine? It would also depend on how frequently you do girls weekends. I hardly ever do, but if it’s a regular thing then you should try to avoid missing both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not skip either the last day of school or sleep away drop off - especially if it is last day of 5th grade.
I disagree with asking the kid. What happens when she gets to camp and most people have 2 parents there? I don’t think it’s fair to ask kids to decide how they will feel in the future about something for which they have no prior experience to draw from.

If drop off is similar to my kids' drop off, she wouldn't know who is dropping off the other kids because it's short and staggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends.

If I had a girls weekend scheduled in Europe, with a group of people, and we'd all agreed on a date, and then we find a sleep away camp that my kid wants to go to and it turns out the first day is when I'm away, absolutely I would miss it. My husband can handle something like that. Backing out of a trip like that for that reason after a weekend has been chosen is crappy.

If my friends and I are trying to schedule a weekend away, I would definitely lead with those dates not being good for me. BUT if it's like 10 people, you're going to have to be flexible to make it happen. People are going to have immovable commitments, and there's only so many weekends. I would sacrifice either of these to make that trip happen if it was the only option ASSUMING these are friends that are important to me and I want to go.

It's also okay to say (internally) "yes, this trip will be fun if it fits in my schedule, but at this stage in my life, I'm not willing to miss any even somewhat important kid things," provide the weekends that work for you, and if they don't work for others, say "I'm bummed to miss it, but my calendar is tight this year. You guys should go and have a great time, take lots of pictures for me."

Op - no we haven’t booked it yet, i said those weekends are an issue for me but apparently they are best for others

PP here. Okay. The first thing I'd do is dig in on "best for others" - if this is a large group and there are really immovable things, that's one thing. If other weekends are potentially workable for others, just not "best" then I'd probably push back. Might be easiest to do this on a group call.

But you may need to decide how much you're willing to sacrifice for this girls trip. That's a very personal decision. If you would rather make this girls trip work, do it. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it's one weekend. If you would rather be there for camp and your kid's birthday, do it. That doesn't make you a bad friend, it's one trip.

What I would NOT do is cave to peer pressure in either direction. If you want to go on the trip but think "good moms" are here for these kinds of things, that's ridiculous, go on the trip. If you want to be at the kid events but your friends are really pushing you, tell them no and hold firm. You know what's best for you and your family.

Op - tbh I’m a little bummed about the ‘this is what works best for others’ part.. but I also get it. I just would prefer not to miss these things (ds is neurodiverse and these things will be a source of many feelings for him). But I wondered if maybe it seems to them/ others that I should be able to miss them and I am throwing up roadblocks that are unreasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends.

If I had a girls weekend scheduled in Europe, with a group of people, and we'd all agreed on a date, and then we find a sleep away camp that my kid wants to go to and it turns out the first day is when I'm away, absolutely I would miss it. My husband can handle something like that. Backing out of a trip like that for that reason after a weekend has been chosen is crappy.

If my friends and I are trying to schedule a weekend away, I would definitely lead with those dates not being good for me. BUT if it's like 10 people, you're going to have to be flexible to make it happen. People are going to have immovable commitments, and there's only so many weekends. I would sacrifice either of these to make that trip happen if it was the only option ASSUMING these are friends that are important to me and I want to go.

It's also okay to say (internally) "yes, this trip will be fun if it fits in my schedule, but at this stage in my life, I'm not willing to miss any even somewhat important kid things," provide the weekends that work for you, and if they don't work for others, say "I'm bummed to miss it, but my calendar is tight this year. You guys should go and have a great time, take lots of pictures for me."

Op - no we haven’t booked it yet, i said those weekends are an issue for me but apparently they are best for others

PP here. Okay. The first thing I'd do is dig in on "best for others" - if this is a large group and there are really immovable things, that's one thing. If other weekends are potentially workable for others, just not "best" then I'd probably push back. Might be easiest to do this on a group call.

But you may need to decide how much you're willing to sacrifice for this girls trip. That's a very personal decision. If you would rather make this girls trip work, do it. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it's one weekend. If you would rather be there for camp and your kid's birthday, do it. That doesn't make you a bad friend, it's one trip.

What I would NOT do is cave to peer pressure in either direction. If you want to go on the trip but think "good moms" are here for these kinds of things, that's ridiculous, go on the trip. If you want to be at the kid events but your friends are really pushing you, tell them no and hold firm. You know what's best for you and your family.

Op - tbh I’m a little bummed about the ‘this is what works best for others’ part.. but I also get it. I just would prefer not to miss these things (ds is neurodiverse and these things will be a source of many feelings for him). But I wondered if maybe it seems to them/ others that I should be able to miss them and I am throwing up roadblocks that are unreasonable

I go on girls trips somewhat often. One friend missed a good friend’s milestone 40th birthday trip for her son’s birthday. It is really difficult to coordinate schedules and the birthday friend had 2 weekends only she could go. The rest of us could go except the mom who had a son’s birthday. It happens.

We have done trips where dates work best for others but not my husband’s work schedule. I have flown in a day or 2 later. One time I went a day earlier because I had to leave earlier and I thought that first day was so amazing. I ordered room service, watched bad tv and went to the spa before my friends arrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends.

If I had a girls weekend scheduled in Europe, with a group of people, and we'd all agreed on a date, and then we find a sleep away camp that my kid wants to go to and it turns out the first day is when I'm away, absolutely I would miss it. My husband can handle something like that. Backing out of a trip like that for that reason after a weekend has been chosen is crappy.

If my friends and I are trying to schedule a weekend away, I would definitely lead with those dates not being good for me. BUT if it's like 10 people, you're going to have to be flexible to make it happen. People are going to have immovable commitments, and there's only so many weekends. I would sacrifice either of these to make that trip happen if it was the only option ASSUMING these are friends that are important to me and I want to go.

It's also okay to say (internally) "yes, this trip will be fun if it fits in my schedule, but at this stage in my life, I'm not willing to miss any even somewhat important kid things," provide the weekends that work for you, and if they don't work for others, say "I'm bummed to miss it, but my calendar is tight this year. You guys should go and have a great time, take lots of pictures for me."

Op - no we haven’t booked it yet, i said those weekends are an issue for me but apparently they are best for others

PP here. Okay. The first thing I'd do is dig in on "best for others" - if this is a large group and there are really immovable things, that's one thing. If other weekends are potentially workable for others, just not "best" then I'd probably push back. Might be easiest to do this on a group call.

But you may need to decide how much you're willing to sacrifice for this girls trip. That's a very personal decision. If you would rather make this girls trip work, do it. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it's one weekend. If you would rather be there for camp and your kid's birthday, do it. That doesn't make you a bad friend, it's one trip.

What I would NOT do is cave to peer pressure in either direction. If you want to go on the trip but think "good moms" are here for these kinds of things, that's ridiculous, go on the trip. If you want to be at the kid events but your friends are really pushing you, tell them no and hold firm. You know what's best for you and your family.

Op - tbh I’m a little bummed about the ‘this is what works best for others’ part.. but I also get it. I just would prefer not to miss these things (ds is neurodiverse and these things will be a source of many feelings for him). But I wondered if maybe it seems to them/ others that I should be able to miss them and I am throwing up roadblocks that are unreasonable

PP here - yeah, I think you should push back gently on the "best for others" - can you try a Doodle poll or something? Or setup a group call? Or maybe just a call with the primary organizer (if there is one)? You're not being unreasonable at all. Try and find out what the other blockers are. But at some point you may need to pick (kid events or girls trip) and so I would have that answer in your pocket in case that's what it really comes down to.

[Anonymous]

Girl's trips are so overrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends.

If I had a girls weekend scheduled in Europe, with a group of people, and we'd all agreed on a date, and then we find a sleep away camp that my kid wants to go to and it turns out the first day is when I'm away, absolutely I would miss it. My husband can handle something like that. Backing out of a trip like that for that reason after a weekend has been chosen is crappy.

If my friends and I are trying to schedule a weekend away, I would definitely lead with those dates not being good for me. BUT if it's like 10 people, you're going to have to be flexible to make it happen. People are going to have immovable commitments, and there's only so many weekends. I would sacrifice either of these to make that trip happen if it was the only option ASSUMING these are friends that are important to me and I want to go.

It's also okay to say (internally) "yes, this trip will be fun if it fits in my schedule, but at this stage in my life, I'm not willing to miss any even somewhat important kid things," provide the weekends that work for you, and if they don't work for others, say "I'm bummed to miss it, but my calendar is tight this year. You guys should go and have a great time, take lots of pictures for me."

Op - no we haven’t booked it yet, i said those weekends are an issue for me but apparently they are best for others

PP here. Okay. The first thing I'd do is dig in on "best for others" - if this is a large group and there are really immovable things, that's one thing. If other weekends are potentially workable for others, just not "best" then I'd probably push back. Might be easiest to do this on a group call.

But you may need to decide how much you're willing to sacrifice for this girls trip. That's a very personal decision. If you would rather make this girls trip work, do it. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it's one weekend. If you would rather be there for camp and your kid's birthday, do it. That doesn't make you a bad friend, it's one trip.

What I would NOT do is cave to peer pressure in either direction. If you want to go on the trip but think "good moms" are here for these kinds of things, that's ridiculous, go on the trip. If you want to be at the kid events but your friends are really pushing you, tell them no and hold firm. You know what's best for you and your family.

Op - tbh I’m a little bummed about the ‘this is what works best for others’ part.. but I also get it. I just would prefer not to miss these things (ds is neurodiverse and these things will be a source of many feelings for him). But I wondered if maybe it seems to them/ others that I should be able to miss them and I am throwing up roadblocks that are unreasonable

PP here - yeah, I think you should push back gently on the "best for others" - can you try a Doodle poll or something? Or setup a group call? Or maybe just a call with the primary organizer (if there is one)? You're not being unreasonable at all. Try and find out what the other blockers are. But at some point you may need to pick (kid events or girls trip) and so I would have that answer in your pocket in case that's what it really comes down to.

I would throw out other weekends like if they want to do Oct 15, offer the two weekends before and after.

[Anonymous]

Nope I would not.

[Anonymous]

What kind of friends want to schedule over your important dates?



Europe for the weekend? Hard pass. Two weeks at least.

[Anonymous]

With friends like these....

"Op - no we haven’t booked it yet, i said those weekends are an issue for me but apparently they are best for others...."

[Anonymous]

I cherish my friendships but I cherish my kids more. Would absolutely not miss either of those, especially camp drop off. No way.

Also, a girls trip to Europe when everyone has little kids is sort of a lot to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl's trips are so overrated.

+1
I do get cravings and it helps to go and set me straight for a long while.

[Anonymous]

My DH just handled camp drop-off because it's close to my ILs and he extended the trip beforehand to visit with grandparents. It was hard and I don't know if I would do it that way again! I would definitely not miss a birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think girls trips are dumb. Team take your kid.

This. I like hanging out with my girlfriends for several hours.