If your spouse has no clue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH just doesn’t care. He trusts that I’m handling the money.

+1 He just lets me handle it because it's in my wheelhouse, and doesn't aske many questions. But he still has input when he wants it - we recently invested in a business and it wasn't a decision I made unilaterally.

[Anonymous]

My spouse is vaguely aware that we have such things as college savings accounts for the kids, retirement account, etc. etc. but he could not tell you the amounts or anything like that. I make all the money in our home, take care of all taxes and bill paying, and my spouse has some investments from before our marriage that give him a small amount of dividends so he has spending money without my giving him an “allowance.”

I do it all because I am more forward thinking and a planner and more detail oriented. Sometimes I consult with him because he actually has better mathematical skills. I’ll say, “I’m thinking we should refinance our mortgage,” or whatever, and explain why, and he’ll think about it and usually agree with me. He’s an intelligent person, and we share the same basic approach to finances.

I do not enjoy financial planning or dealing with all this stuff. But I could not leave it up to him because he would just fail to do it. He has other fine qualities and I love him dearly. But he will not do this in the same way that I would not cook dinner every night. It’s just not my thing.

I have a large amount of life insurance that he is aware of and there is a folder with financial information, a cheat sheet, in our filing cabinet he can turn to when I die. I assume he will just hire someone and hand them this piece of paper.

[Anonymous]

DH doesn’t know. I tell him but he has no interest since I take care of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my parents and it is a nightmare. My dad is a stock hoarder. But he refuses to use a brokerage account. So he has all these stocks sold through various companies’ direct purchase plans, each of which has its own login and username. He has them (supposedly) written down in his Rolodex in his illegible writing and filed in said Rolodex in a way that is mind boggling. I’ve sat with him for days on end trying to make sense of it and I think we’ve made it through roughly 1/4. I’m ready to pull out my hair. I don’t know what I will do when he dies as my mother just hasn’t a clue and jokingly (she’s not kidding though) says I’ll be in charge then.

He likes to invest in stocks until he has a minimum of 100 shares of each one he owns. Being a generally frugal guy who started this hobby in his early 20s and is now 80, the sheer number of these accounts is overwhelming. And he keeps buying more!!!

Oh my god. You are in for the worst estate administration of your life. But you know that already.

Your Dad should really, really reconsider consolidating the book shares in a brokerage account. Maybe you can get your mom to press for it too, too make it easier for you to help her.

If he really won't do that, at least build an electronic spreadsheet of all his accounts while he is alive to help you capture everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse doesn't have a clue and frankly it has been a big issue in our marriage because I cannot make decisions for all of us without at least some of his information. After years of asking he has finally given me all his information--he was not hiding anything, he just didn't care and didn't even do the basic follow up of several 401ks sitting around in old accounts that have been transferred multiple times (and we have moved so they didn't have his new adddresses).

Finally this year I had enough. Although I had begged, yelled, and pleaded for him to get his financial info/ house in order for years, this year I said if he doesn't provide me with XYZ, I am formally separating our finances. So he started this. He still has a few 401ks or IRAs that he needs to get passwords for and roll over. Its clear he has no idea how his pension worked (still doesn't really there are many options ), didn't look into beneficiaries and certainly never ever looked into figuring out whether we would be able to retire. I asked him, like 2 years ago, how much he thought he had in retirement and he said "maybe a million?". Reader, it was 450k and he is in his late 50s.

When it comes to money he is a 'head in the sand' person, and grew up in a relatively modest home but both parents had good pensions so he just figured it would all work out. He also has pushed for expensive houses, etc, and when we first got together I went with the flow because I figured he knew more about this than me. Yes, the irony is that he writes about the economy (though not personal finance). I am a liberal arts major who took one econ class in college and my parents never taught me anything--god I wish they had encouraged me to buy a condo etc when I was in my late 20s/early 30s but it never crossed my mind. I started realizing after we had kids that I needed to take this one, I began with personal finance for dummies and now handle our investments, 529, bills, etc. I wish dh had more curiosity to do this with me or at least keep up with what my decisions are but I think between adhd and anxiety he doesn't want to deal. He made some stupid financial decisions early on as well that put him significantly behind where he should be. Fortunately he is going to have a decent pension and we will be fine, if not comfortable by DCUM standards.

As for 'what to do' if I get hit by a bus, we are working on that now. I've convinced DH to see a financial planner who will hopefully give us a road map that he can follow independently and I have created a couple documents with all of our passwords, etc. But even there, its pulling teeth.

The only good thing about all of this, I guess, is that I dont have anyone second guessing me. But I would prefer to have an equal partner advising and sharing in the responsibility.

Same. My husband gets mad when i bring up finances! All my stock picks have done really well, like AAPL, Goog, nvdia. I like motley fool as a resource, as well as Bogleheads, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know some marriages where the spouse has no clue or very little knowledge about how much money, where it’s invested, etc. I handle the money in our house but I keep my spouse informed. If your spouse knows little to nothing, how did that come about, and what will they do if you die

We keep our finances separate. We have one joint checking account that is used to pay the housing bills. We have a prenup and also my will states clearly what happens if I die.

What happens if you're hit by a bus and have a brain injury? What is the incapacity plan?

The same thing that happens to a single person.

[Anonymous]

I am the DW, and I handle all of the finances - paying bills, researching, saving, investing, forecasting, etc. I was a finance major undergrad, so I have a keen interest in the subject, and I'm pretty good at it. I am continually keeping myself informed on financial subjects, tax law changes and the like.

I wish my husband were more interested, but he is not. I try to keep him updated on what I am doing and what we have, but I don't think he retains that much.

[Anonymous]

Also a DW that handles all the finances except DH has to do financial disclosures every year and then I get a ton of invasive and unhelpful questions about all sorts of details even I don’t know. Other than that piece it works fine.

[Anonymous]

The only reason my husband knows anything about our finances is because other people make him care: he has to do an annual financial disclosure at work, and I make him do our taxes (using software I buy and records I provide)

He just doesn't care, which I knew when I married him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know some marriages where the spouse has no clue or very little knowledge about how much money, where it’s invested, etc. I handle the money in our house but I keep my spouse informed. If your spouse knows little to nothing, how did that come about, and what will they do if you die

We keep our finances separate. We have one joint checking account that is used to pay the housing bills. We have a prenup and also my will states clearly what happens if I die.

What happens if you're hit by a bus and have a brain injury? What is the incapacity plan?

The same thing that happens to a single person.

Yeah but in that case, who cares? There is no one left.

[Anonymous]

husband manages the big money
I manage the little money and bill pay
We talk finances weekly
He made a spread sheet of everything I might need should something happen to him
I made a login password book for him