Not happy with 16 YO DD's boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Agree with all the PPs who say ban him from your house and keep your daughter away from him!

[Anonymous]

Read The Gift of Fear. This is not ok. Your daughter needs to read it too. Forcing her to break up with him won’t help, but you can limit things. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Parent of teenage boys here: Hell no. OP, you need to shut this down now. You should not have let your DD leave with this guy after he threw a fit - maybe you were in shock, but I can't imagine letting my kid ditch a family obligation over her boyfriend's temper tantrum and then get in the car with a raging teenage boy.

You need to sit down right now with your daughter and start a conversation about self-respect and safety. If you know the parents, you need to talk with them as well. Set boundaries and enforce them. If she hates you, so be it. She will thank you one day.

[Anonymous]

So many of you obviously don't have older teenagers. If you ban the boyfriend from the house, daughter will sneak around, and lie. It's what teens do. She has to make the decision to break it off, and you can help her to see him for the controlling, manipulative a$$ that he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many of you obviously don't have older teenagers. If you ban the boyfriend from the house, daughter will sneak around, and lie. It's what teens do. She has to make the decision to break it off, and you can help her to see him for the controlling, manipulative a$$ that he is.

My friend that tried to sneak around was sent away to a military boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many of you obviously don't have older teenagers. If you ban the boyfriend from the house, daughter will sneak around, and lie. It's what teens do. She has to make the decision to break it off, and you can help her to see him for the controlling, manipulative a$$ that he is.

Yes, we know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many of you obviously don't have older teenagers. If you ban the boyfriend from the house, daughter will sneak around, and lie. It's what teens do. She has to make the decision to break it off, and you can help her to see him for the controlling, manipulative a$$ that he is.

+1

It is especially tough for this age, I have a 17 year old DD going to college in a few months. taking away phones make little sense at this point, they are free to do anything very soon. And you can’t make them stay home, they won’t comply.

[Anonymous]

For those mentioned talking with the BF’s parent, I found parents of boys generally very lax with rules around dating, staying out late, stay up late etc. They just don’t really care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many of you obviously don't have older teenagers. If you ban the boyfriend from the house, daughter will sneak around, and lie. It's what teens do. She has to make the decision to break it off, and you can help her to see him for the controlling, manipulative a$$ that he is.

No what? Of course they are going to sneak around and lie because they are teens. What you don't do is allow terrible behavior in your house because you are scared your teen is going to lie/sneak around. You lay down the law. You don't like him and he isn't allowed in your home. Period. I assume OP has raised a bright DD who will figure it out on her own so no need to take phones or say she can't see him. But he sure as hell should feel VERY uncomfortable being around OP's family or even near their house.

[Anonymous]

You cannot control them as teens, if you have not raised them well before that.

It is not that the boyfriend has disrespected you, it is just that your daughter has zero respect for herself and her family. The sex must be filling up all the holes in her heart and soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just here to point out that your husband is a wuss.
A 16 year old "getting in my husband's face" would have resulted in the 16 year old being physically removed from the house and, told point blank in the moment that he is never allowed near our daughter again.

Your husband should have capped that sewer pipe off at the first leak.
What a poor example. He should have showed her that she is worth more than that.

Agree 1000%. Your husband is a pu$$y.

Yup. OP and the husband are passive victims raising a passive victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many of you obviously don't have older teenagers. If you ban the boyfriend from the house, daughter will sneak around, and lie. It's what teens do. She has to make the decision to break it off, and you can help her to see him for the controlling, manipulative a$$ that he is.

Banning the boyfriend from the house is a separate issue from forbidding her to see him. You can do one without the other, her choice whether to continue to see him outside the home.
And I don't know how you can help a teenager "see" anything - you can lead by example and let them learn from experience.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is not even 18 yet, she’s not old enough to make her own decisions. Interfere, find something to distract dd, get her out of town for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He isn’t welcome in your home. I can’t believe this wasn’t decided when he “yelled” and “got in your husband’s face.” This is crazy to me. In what world is this acceptable behavior? Would you do this in a workplace? Never mind respect for elders and parents of someone you love. My husband would have throw this kid out of our house immediately.

If this story is true then this +1

Also, when he freaked out about not being able to stay and you let your DD leave with him to presumably go to his house vs. staying for a family dinner - not the decision I would've made.

And to anyone saying otherwise, YES you 100% can tell your 16 year old what to do. Sometimes I wonder about this place and the lack of parenting that happens in the name of age… the summer between high school and college is one thing. A 16 year old? Newsflash, they still have to listen to you.