Public Vs. private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hand holding

I assume you mean hand holding in public school. Those kids are being catered to and it’s part of the reason for the decline. When my kid was in HS in public school, his teachers accepted his work up until the last week of the quarter with no penalty. I thought he was lying to me so I emailed them and they verified it. I couldn’t believe it. I’m all for a day or two grace period if there are extenuating circumstances but this was for every class for every assignment. Ridiculous. How do these kids fare in the real world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

You are truly nauseating! Signed, your neighbor

I appreciate the honesty. I mean, the logic is BS but I appreciate that the poster is owning the elitist attitude.

My kid is in public school. He is a member of the same community pool as his friends, we go on vacations with families from school, we are in the same Scout Troop and rec sport teams as his friends. More likely then not he will end up with a good job because he is attending good schools and will go to college. Not all that different except that we are saving $20,000-$50,000 a year by sending him to a strong public school.

It actually IS different but that's okay. Your experience in what you consider a "good" public school is far different than private school but you don't know that because your kid has never been to private school. If you want to know the difference, visit the private school forum and ask parents if a "good" public school is just like a private school. Having done that, I can tell you it's not and others will confirm this. And we may all end up shoulder to shoulder in the same college/university - but remember the private school kids are extremely well connected and will always fall back into/revert back to their elite social circle. Going to the same institution of higher education doesn't thereby make your kid "on par" with a private high school graduate. I think it's comforting for public school parents to tell themselves this but really think about how this plays out during and after college - their connections versus your own; their ability to own home right off the bat because of wealth vs. your own kids; their ability to secure better internships with possibly less impressive college credentials because of who they know vs. your own kids; who they are able to socialize with vs. who your kids are able to socialize with. I'm not trying to be a snob but it's a whole world that you don't know about. It's best not to pretend you understand it.

Time will tell where your kids land as young adults. Hopefully, they don’t emulate the condescending attitude of their parent as they will not get far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*Attentive teachers who actually WANT to be in the classroom.
* Smaller class sizes than public schools.
* Great writing curriculum.
* Whole child development.
* Emphasis on a variety of forms of art.
* Opportunity for everyone to play sports/on sports teams.
* Safety - no school shootings, other violence, etc.
* Amazing field trips.
* No cell phone use allowed during the school day.
* Very limited Chromebook use - emphasis on handwritten assignments.
* Like-minded parents/community.
* One hour lunches, with a variety of healthy options.
* Recess everyday through middle school.
* Public speaking/debate emphasis.
* Circuit competitions - spelling and geography bees.

Our public has spelling bees, recess every day through middle school, attentive teachers who want to be there, 3 choices for hot lunch every day, the latest school shooting that made headlines was at a private school in TN and don't forget Burke was targeted in a mass shooting but thankfully no one died), no cell phone use at all at our public and their feeder, amazing field trips (including overnight, like-minded parents and community, and opportunity for everyone to play on sports teams. Also limited device use, and whole child development (this is a big emphasis at our school). I would say the only thing we don't have on this list is one hour lunches or public speaking/debate emphasis...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

I am not saying what the PPs said is true but it is not a stupid theory. Rich White folks have been paying lot more money than that to avoid Black and Latino students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#1 benefit for us is that my kid knows that a deadline and a due date are the same thing.

They are not technically the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some areas, people put their kids in private because they know they aren’t up to compete in the local publics. This is especially true if the local publics are majority Asian.

Yep. I’ve found this to be absolutely true!

I find this odd. We are in private school and most of are friends are as well and we are mostly zoned for the 'W' schools. Not being around Asians has never been discussed as one of the reasons for being in private - it's just a way of life. There's a private school world that you don't understand until you have been a part of it. There is an elitism that you will never really understand that includes belonging to the same country clubs, vacationing together, attending the same churches (if you are say, Catholic). And importantly, most of these kids will have jobs no matter how well or how poorly they do in high school and thereafter college because of their family and friend connections. Asian student performance therefore, plays no part in the motivation to go private. It would be odd to pay $30-50,000 to avoid Asian students. This is a stupid theory.

I am not saying what the PPs said is true but it is not a stupid theory. Rich White folks have been paying lot more money than that to avoid Black and Latino students.

And you need an attitude adjustment too. Did you fall back in time to the 50’s?

[Anonymous]

Why are we commenting on other parents choices regarding where they send their OWN child to school? It’s a personal choice and has nothing to do with you. I’ve had kids in both during different times in their lives for a variety of reasons and been very happy with the experience or outcome . . .until I wasn’t and then made a different choice.

I will say that having been in private school, parents often say they are there for the experience provided by better resources and the school’s ability to accept and reject who they choose, which often helps weed out serious behavioral issues and/or criminal behavior (at the high school level). So a public school parent arguing that their school is academically superior, even if true, is absolutely irrelevant to these parents.

End of discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
*Attentive teachers who actually WANT to be in the classroom. - The teachers have been nearly identical in quality- some great, some mediocre, at both public and private. By far the best teacher either kid had was at public. By far the worst teacher either kid had was at public as well.
* Smaller class sizes than public schools. - Absolutely. In my mind this is the single biggest difference and really at the heart of what you pay for. How significant a difference that is really depends on your own kid and their personality/abilities/interests
* Great writing curriculum. - I haven't noticed a significant difference in actual curriculum, but the feedback from the private on writing is a lot more detailed and useful. I think that goes back to class size. It's just easier for an english teacher to comment on writing when her class load is 1/3 the size.
* Whole child development. - Our public school seems to be significantly better at focusing on the whole child than the private school. Public takes their mandate to educate every kid, and the "whole child" of every kid very seriously. Private can pick and choose who they want, so there's much less need to genuinely get to know, accept, and support any kid that is out of the mainstream.
* Emphasis on a variety of forms of art. - [b]Not sure what this means. My public middle schooler was able to choose between band, orchestra, guitar, 2d painting/drawing, 3d art, textiles, graphic arts, dance for athletes, and dance for performance for her required art classes. I don't know that they "emphasize" a variety of art forms, but there are certainly a wide range of options to explore.[/b]
* Opportunity for everyone to play sports/on sports teams. - This is another real benefit for my son at private. The sports teams at our local public are SO competitive. So yes, if you have a kid who loves a sport but isn't a standout, that might be a factor.
* Safety - no school shootings, other violence, etc. - Oh if only that were true... Sadly no place, including private schools, is immune to school shootings.
* Amazing field trips. - Our local public school's orchestra just got back from two weeks in Europe. That seemed pretty amazing to me.
* No cell phone use allowed during the school day. - I do wish our private had this rule! They don't. And certainly our public doesn't.
* Very limited Chromebook use - emphasis on handwritten assignments. - Things seem to be shifting at both our schools right now, as people re-calibrate from covid.
* Like-minded parents/community. - It's definitely true that the private school parents are more homogenous. If you **only** want a like-minded parent group, that could be a selling point. I've found some amazing friends and like-minded parent groups at our neighborhood public as well. In general, I've found the involved public school parents to be far more dedicated and involved than the private school parents. But the percentage of involved parents may be smaller at public. Not sure.
* One hour lunches, with a variety of healthy options. - Lunch is definitely better at private. But I usually pack my kids' lunches at both school, so it doesn't matter to us.
* Recess everyday through middle school. - Definitely like this at our private better!
* Public speaking/debate emphasis. - Going back to the small class sizes, I do think there are more forced assignments that involve a public speaking aspect because there's more time for that with fewer kids in the class.
* Circuit competitions - spelling and geography bees. - Our public has way more competitions than our private. Kids in public do spelling bee, geography bee, history day, ISEF science fair, tons of arts and dance competitions, and I'm sure there are more I don't know about
*
* Lifelong network and alumni network. - I sure hope both my kids find friends and supporters throughout their lives from both schools. But I'm not sending either of them to school for "networking"[u]

I have one in each. Different kids, different needs, different schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 13:20 had a good list but I also think some people have lots of cash to spare and figure going to a school you apply to and pay for must be better than a school that’s free and takes everyone.

Basically a designer label for your kid’s education

I actually think the same thing but have a somewhat different take on it.

There’s a certain set of striver parents who work extremely hard and make a whole lot of money. They’re wholly focused on their careers and don’t have a lot of extra time for their kids. They often wait to have kids until they’re in their mid to late 30s or older, and by the time the kids hit high school they’re in or close to their 50s and are so far removed from being young and so consumed with career and achievement that it never even occurs to them to consider public school no matter how good the school is. It’s another way to justify working so hard and soften the guilt they feel for neglecting their kids for all those years. “We do this for the kids,” they lie to themselves.

It’s an insane way of thinking.

This is actually NOT a thing. Most parents at our local public has their kids in their mid to late thirties and will be in their 50s when their kids are in high school. We left public for private and the age range is the same - oddly it skews a slightly younger. And a good number are stay at home moms so there is no career “distracting them from their children” and making them “so busy” that they can’t consider public school. This is a really far left theory that makes no sense.

Whew! It is funny the things people tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

It has nothing to do with my “sleeping at night.” It’s my real live personal experience. I spent my entire working career surrounded by these kinds of people.

[Anonymous]

Whenever I see these kinds of discussions I think we need to differentiate between parochial schools and private schools. There’s obviously a world of difference between the two, both in terms of what they cost and why they do it. I’d never write off a parochial school family as snobs. Can’t say the same about the other private school parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 benefit for us is that my kid knows that a deadline and a due date are the same thing.

They are not technically the same thing.

They are in college. Good luck to your kids there when they find out they can't talk their way out of a zero (do they even know what a zero grade is?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 benefit for us is that my kid knows that a deadline and a due date are the same thing.

They are not technically the same thing.

They are in college. Good luck to your kids there when they find out they can't talk their way out of a zero (do they even know what a zero grade is?).

I'm a college prof. Every fall there are students that think the same rules of HS apply in college. All my colleagues hand out the syllabus and review it on the first day of class. Due dates are clearly stated. Late penalties are clearly stated as well as the time frame by which if an assignment is not submitted it will no longer be accepted. And every fall, freshman seem to think the rules do not apply to them. I assure you I do not write the syllabus and policies just to have something to discuss with my colleagues. At each stage of the educational lifecycle one of the responsibilities is to prepare the students for the next step. In college, that next step is the workforce. Try telling your boss that the work isn't done and you'll get it done later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see these kinds of discussions I think we need to differentiate between parochial schools and private schools. There’s obviously a world of difference between the two, both in terms of what they cost and why they do it. I’d never write off a parochial school family as snobs. Can’t say the same about the other private school parents.

Are you new to DC? They are among the worst offenders!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 13:20 had a good list but I also think some people have lots of cash to spare and figure going to a school you apply to and pay for must be better than a school that’s free and takes everyone.

Basically a designer label for your kid’s education

I actually think the same thing but have a somewhat different take on it.

There’s a certain set of striver parents who work extremely hard and make a whole lot of money. They’re wholly focused on their careers and don’t have a lot of extra time for their kids. They often wait to have kids until they’re in their mid to late 30s or older, and by the time the kids hit high school they’re in or close to their 50s and are so far removed from being young and so consumed with career and achievement that it never even occurs to them to consider public school no matter how good the school is. It’s another way to justify working so hard and soften the guilt they feel for neglecting their kids for all those years. “We do this for the kids,” they lie to themselves.

It’s an insane way of thinking.

This is actually NOT a thing. Most parents at our local public has their kids in their mid to late thirties and will be in their 50s when their kids are in high school. We left public for private and the age range is the same - oddly it skews a slightly younger. And a good number are stay at home moms so there is no career “distracting them from their children” and making them “so busy” that they can’t consider public school. This is a really far left theory that makes no sense.

Whew! It is funny the things people tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

It has nothing to do with my “sleeping at night.” It’s my real live personal experience. I spent my entire working career surrounded by these kinds of people.

Ah, so you are a secretary for a law firm and you had your kids early. Sheds light on your perspective. Be happy you’re a young mom- yay you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see these kinds of discussions I think we need to differentiate between parochial schools and private schools. There’s obviously a world of difference between the two, both in terms of what they cost and why they do it. I’d never write off a parochial school family as snobs. Can’t say the same about the other private school parents.

Are you new to DC? They are among the worst offenders!

Exactly - ever heard of NCS or Visi?? This is Podunk Town, Midwest with the local church school on the corner.