"Real-life" examples of alimony paid/received?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most miserable men I know are the ones unhappily married to SAHMs (especially if the SAHMs don't do as much with the kids as the husband thinks she should) but who know they'll be destroyed in alimony payments.

The moral of the story - don't be married to SAHM, make sure your wife is able to work by being an equal partner as far as household and childcare duties.

[Anonymous]

Most states of calculators online. Use that. Unless you are VERY high income, it is generally accurate. Most women do not get alimony.

In VA, it is for half the length of the marriage and the calculator is very accurate.

When I was not working, I would have gotten $3,300 a month plus about $1,500 in child support for 5 years. He made about 175k. This was 4 years ago. I could not live on that. So, I went back to work full time before separating because I knew I could not live on that and both of us and kids would have a severe drop in our quality of life. I went back to work earning 100k and got $0 alimony and $300 in child support for 2 kids, which waived. Half the cost of activities was more than that. Not worth it.

I now earn a little over what he makes a few years ago. Was worth it to get back to work (especially for my retirement).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alimony is ridiculous. Get a job. The gravy train ends once you decided to end the marriage.

Alimony is recognition for the 'work' of domestic life. While there are varying levels of the productiveness of that work, it is still work. Consider the case of the navy wife and their children. She is incapable of maintaining a career because her husband is shipped from port to port every few years. The career aspirations of a naval officer rests very much on the ability of the spouse to maintain the domestic sphere and promote his social life. Or a journalist posted for a foreign country with spouse and kids in tow. That journalist's family life would be non-existant if not for the spouse. There are many high achieving professionals who wouldn't have a domestic life if not for the spouse at home.
Modern courts do recognize the education attainments of the non-working spouse and increasingly factor that into the duration of alimony. So if the non-working spouse is college educated and still young, alimony would only be a few years as the expectation is that she can return to work with some training. But if the non-working spouse is in her late 50s and had outdated skills but raised a passel of his children, maintained home, took charge of the domestic responsibilities for several decades so he had the freedom to travel and make partner, the it can be reasonably argued that she will have a hard time finding outside work and frankly her efforts on the domestic front is 'work' that helped propel him professionally. She is entitled to a share of his success because she helped get him there. That's the gray world of alimony.

No, this is wrong. Alimony has nothing to do with the "work" of domestic life. The receiving spouse doesn't have to have contributed to domestic life at all; there is no standard to meet for domestic work or childcare or helping advance the spouse' career. Spouses who never enter the kitchen or touch the mop are as entitled to alimony as hard-working housewives and mothers.

Alimony is recognition of the fact that two spouses form a unit, and share a lifestyle, and when that unit breaks down, the lower-earning spouse is entitled to a soft transition out of her better-resourced life with a former spouse.

I personally find the talk of "contributing to career advancement" to be utter bollocks. There are tons of successful single navy officers and journalists out there. Most successful men would have been successful, married or single. They became successful because that was their priority.

You just think this because you’re a man and have a male centric view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alimony is ridiculous. Get a job. The gravy train ends once you decided to end the marriage.

Alimony is recognition for the 'work' of domestic life. While there are varying levels of the productiveness of that work, it is still work. Consider the case of the navy wife and their children. She is incapable of maintaining a career because her husband is shipped from port to port every few years. The career aspirations of a naval officer rests very much on the ability of the spouse to maintain the domestic sphere and promote his social life. Or a journalist posted for a foreign country with spouse and kids in tow. That journalist's family life would be non-existant if not for the spouse. There are many high achieving professionals who wouldn't have a domestic life if not for the spouse at home.
Modern courts do recognize the education attainments of the non-working spouse and increasingly factor that into the duration of alimony. So if the non-working spouse is college educated and still young, alimony would only be a few years as the expectation is that she can return to work with some training. But if the non-working spouse is in her late 50s and had outdated skills but raised a passel of his children, maintained home, took charge of the domestic responsibilities for several decades so he had the freedom to travel and make partner, the it can be reasonably argued that she will have a hard time finding outside work and frankly her efforts on the domestic front is 'work' that helped propel him professionally. She is entitled to a share of his success because she helped get him there. That's the gray world of alimony.

No, this is wrong. Alimony has nothing to do with the "work" of domestic life. The receiving spouse doesn't have to have contributed to domestic life at all; there is no standard to meet for domestic work or childcare or helping advance the spouse' career. Spouses who never enter the kitchen or touch the mop are as entitled to alimony as hard-working housewives and mothers.

Alimony is recognition of the fact that two spouses form a unit, and share a lifestyle, and when that unit breaks down, the lower-earning spouse is entitled to a soft transition out of her better-resourced life with a former spouse.

I personally find the talk of "contributing to career advancement" to be utter bollocks. There are tons of successful single navy officers and journalists out there. Most successful men would have been successful, married or single. They became successful because that was their priority.

How successful would they have been had they been responsible for childcare for the kids they chose to have? We are not talking about single men without children. We are talking about men who chose to marry and have children.

Rich men generally have nannies helping their wives. Be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 12 years, together 22 total. He got caught cheating with men, so I had some leverage. No kids. We used a mediator and negotiated this between ourselves, so I have no idea what a judge would have instituted.

At the time we negotiated this, he made 200k, I made 100k. Our salaries have always been 2:1, but he has more growth and bonus potential than I do.

Rather than deciding on a set amount, which would diminish in value over time due to inflation, we came up with a formula: 20% of the difference in our salaries (his minus mine), divided by 12, I receive monthly. Never to dip below a floor of $1400/month. Currently it's around 1600.

Plus, I receive 20% of any bonuses he gets.

We recalculate this formula every March 1 using the previous year's W-2s.

This will be paid for 10 years or until someone moves in with me and contributes to my living expenses. In that case, the alimony will pause, to start up again if that person moves out and we're still within the 10 years. It would also end if I receive greater than 200k in gifts from my parents (like an inheritance).

I own a life insurance policy on my ex for 250k, which he pays the monthly premium for.

How can you possibly sleep at night, you are fully employed and make a good bit more than the majority of the United States, you don’t have children yet you partake in his earnings, gross!

Did you miss the part where he wasted 22 years of my life and deprived me of children under fraudulent premises?

He didn't deprive you of kids. He didn't waste 22 years of your life. You should have left or had a child on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard of a wife supporting her husband through med school & residency, and then he divorced her once he became an attending.

I know someone who got more than half a million for this exact scenario and she and her ex schemed to disguise it as “child support” to avoid taxes or something.

Alimony you get tax breaks, not child support. Sometimes they will do more alimony and reduce child support for the tax breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 12 years, together 22 total. He got caught cheating with men, so I had some leverage. No kids. We used a mediator and negotiated this between ourselves, so I have no idea what a judge would have instituted.

At the time we negotiated this, he made 200k, I made 100k. Our salaries have always been 2:1, but he has more growth and bonus potential than I do.

Rather than deciding on a set amount, which would diminish in value over time due to inflation, we came up with a formula: 20% of the difference in our salaries (his minus mine), divided by 12, I receive monthly. Never to dip below a floor of $1400/month. Currently it's around 1600.

Plus, I receive 20% of any bonuses he gets.

We recalculate this formula every March 1 using the previous year's W-2s.

This will be paid for 10 years or until someone moves in with me and contributes to my living expenses. In that case, the alimony will pause, to start up again if that person moves out and we're still within the 10 years. It would also end if I receive greater than 200k in gifts from my parents (like an inheritance).

I own a life insurance policy on my ex for 250k, which he pays the monthly premium for.

How can you possibly sleep at night, you are fully employed and make a good bit more than the majority of the United States, you don’t have children yet you partake in his earnings, gross!

Did you miss the part where he wasted 22 years of my life and deprived me of children under fraudulent premises?

He didn't deprive you of kids. He didn't waste 22 years of your life. You should have left or had a child on your own.

I was content to not have children when I was married to him because I had his companionship and a niece on his side. I didn't foresee any future without them in it. Obviously he knew that would be likely.

[Anonymous]

My wife was making ~450k, I was making around 100k. I did cheat on her and she found out, but she had no evidence. I ended up getting around $5k per month for several years. I also got 50/50 custody so she ended up paying me child support, which is still ongoing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most states of calculators online. Use that. Unless you are VERY high income, it is generally accurate. Most women do not get alimony.

In VA, it is for half the length of the marriage and the calculator is very accurate.

When I was not working, I would have gotten $3,300 a month plus about $1,500 in child support for 5 years. He made about 175k. This was 4 years ago. I could not live on that. So, I went back to work full time before separating because I knew I could not live on that and both of us and kids would have a severe drop in our quality of life. I went back to work earning 100k and got $0 alimony and $300 in child support for 2 kids, which waived. Half the cost of activities was more than that. Not worth it.

I now earn a little over what he makes a few years ago. Was worth it to get back to work (especially for my retirement).

It’s not automatically half the marriage in Va. especially if the marriage was over 20 years. Also the calculators for Va are only for pendente lite and do not apply to couples that make over 10k a month. In other words, there is no formula for alimony in VA. Furthermore, you would have had to work. No judge would have given you alimony based on you not working. Lastly, his ability to pay would have been a factor. At 175k, he would not have been able to pay almost 5k a month after taxes. Guess it ultimately worked out for you but your logic was all wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard of a wife supporting her husband through med school & residency, and then he divorced her once he became an attending.

I know someone who got more than half a million for this exact scenario and she and her ex schemed to disguise it as “child support” to avoid taxes or something.

Alimony you get tax breaks, not child support. Sometimes they will do more alimony and reduce child support for the tax breaks.

So much wrong info on here. There are no tax breaks for alimony. The breaks were eliminated by the last administration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alimony is ridiculous. Get a job. The gravy train ends once you decided to end the marriage.

Alimony is recognition for the 'work' of domestic life. While there are varying levels of the productiveness of that work, it is still work. Consider the case of the navy wife and their children. She is incapable of maintaining a career because her husband is shipped from port to port every few years. The career aspirations of a naval officer rests very much on the ability of the spouse to maintain the domestic sphere and promote his social life. Or a journalist posted for a foreign country with spouse and kids in tow. That journalist's family life would be non-existant if not for the spouse. There are many high achieving professionals who wouldn't have a domestic life if not for the spouse at home.
Modern courts do recognize the education attainments of the non-working spouse and increasingly factor that into the duration of alimony. So if the non-working spouse is college educated and still young, alimony would only be a few years as the expectation is that she can return to work with some training. But if the non-working spouse is in her late 50s and had outdated skills but raised a passel of his children, maintained home, took charge of the domestic responsibilities for several decades so he had the freedom to travel and make partner, the it can be reasonably argued that she will have a hard time finding outside work and frankly her efforts on the domestic front is 'work' that helped propel him professionally. She is entitled to a share of his success because she helped get him there. That's the gray world of alimony.

No, this is wrong. Alimony has nothing to do with the "work" of domestic life. The receiving spouse doesn't have to have contributed to domestic life at all; there is no standard to meet for domestic work or childcare or helping advance the spouse' career. Spouses who never enter the kitchen or touch the mop are as entitled to alimony as hard-working housewives and mothers.

Alimony is recognition of the fact that two spouses form a unit, and share a lifestyle, and when that unit breaks down, the lower-earning spouse is entitled to a soft transition out of her better-resourced life with a former spouse.

I personally find the talk of "contributing to career advancement" to be utter bollocks. There are tons of successful single navy officers and journalists out there. Most successful men would have been successful, married or single. They became successful because that was their priority.

-1. Not if they were up 5x a night for a prolonged period of time to change diapers, wipe noses etc. x2, x3, x4.... No, they would not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 12 years, together 22 total. He got caught cheating with men, so I had some leverage. No kids. We used a mediator and negotiated this between ourselves, so I have no idea what a judge would have instituted.

At the time we negotiated this, he made 200k, I made 100k. Our salaries have always been 2:1, but he has more growth and bonus potential than I do.

Rather than deciding on a set amount, which would diminish in value over time due to inflation, we came up with a formula: 20% of the difference in our salaries (his minus mine), divided by 12, I receive monthly. Never to dip below a floor of $1400/month. Currently it's around 1600.

Plus, I receive 20% of any bonuses he gets.

We recalculate this formula every March 1 using the previous year's W-2s.

This will be paid for 10 years or until someone moves in with me and contributes to my living expenses. In that case, the alimony will pause, to start up again if that person moves out and we're still within the 10 years. It would also end if I receive greater than 200k in gifts from my parents (like an inheritance).

I own a life insurance policy on my ex for 250k, which he pays the monthly premium for.

How can you possibly sleep at night, you are fully employed and make a good bit more than the majority of the United States, you don’t have children yet you partake in his earnings, gross!

Did you miss the part where he wasted 22 years of my life and deprived me of children under fraudulent premises?

Don't listen to PP. You are too nice to have agreed to only 20% of the difference. I would have gone for an even split!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women, these figures of alimony and child support don't sound all that great, do they? How in the world can a woman maintain a mortgage payment on a $1 million house, car payment, etc. without a career of her own. A man is not a plan.

Because alimony is different from the division of assets. A $1M home is sold if she can’t pay mortgage and she gets half. Cars can be sold and more affordable models purchased. And, you get alimony even if you do work.

I agree women should have a plan but they should never *ever* waive alimony to which they are entitled.

I waived it. 14 year marriage I was SAHW as he travelled. He left making $500k. Dragged out divorce 27 mos (he tried to take full custody, got EOW for himself in a 50/50 state. Asshat).

I got: no alimony after 14 year marriage

And

$1500/month for three kids.

Why? Because I was long back to work and making a ton of money by the time we settled two years later.

A man was not my plan. The courts are a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife was making ~450k, I was making around 100k. I did cheat on her and she found out, but she had no evidence. I ended up getting around $5k per month for several years. I also got 50/50 custody so she ended up paying me child support, which is still ongoing

You are a horrible husband and parent and deserved no alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alimony is ridiculous. Get a job. The gravy train ends once you decided to end the marriage.

No

My sister's husband traveled 6 days a week during the marriage. He did nothing at all. He talked her into giving up her career so his could take off. Her mistake.
He wanted four kids, which they had.

He had many affairs one day she was done. She deserves every single penny putting up with that creep.

The only thing she should be entitled to is childcare, so that she can get a job.