What's a person who avoids employment their entire life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say an adult male has never had a real job, as an employee, for 30-40 years, but finds odds and ends to earn a little money here and there, maybe earning under 20k per year in a low cost of living area with no family - no wife or kids, no live in girlfriend. They are very positive, dreamer type, conversationalist, enjoy traveling to visit friends, hobbies. Very carefree, zero responsibilities. What do you call this type of person? Is there a diagnosis?

Peter Pan; ski bum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There doesn't need to be an official diagnosis for someone who lives differently from you.
He obviously gets by and he's fine with his life.
The fact that he's a man means he probably feels that he can marry and start a family whenever he feels like it.

what if they are in their 60s though.

“Confirmed bachelor.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. There might be a diagnosis somewhere in the mix, but not from what you’ve described, especially if he’s content with his life. I’d go with healthy, authentic, and self-actualized — in ways that most people chasing superficial external validations can only imagine.

ok. so the failure to work towards home ownership, retirement, and having at least a life partner isn't something shameful? not asking rhetorically.

Not everyone wants or needs to own a home.
Many people look for a life partner for decades and never find one.

And what exactly does this guy need to retire from?


I think judging people whose lives aren't exactly like yours is shameful.

My marriage to an abuser did not work out. Because of it I am a first time homebuyer in this market at 50. Also because of it I have inadequate retirement. I will probably never find a partner to share these things with me at my age. Am I angry? Yes. Ashamed? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. There might be a diagnosis somewhere in the mix, but not from what you’ve described, especially if he’s content with his life. I’d go with healthy, authentic, and self-actualized — in ways that most people chasing superficial external validations can only imagine.

ok. so the failure to work towards home ownership, retirement, and having at least a life partner isn't something shameful? not asking rhetorically.

Nope, at least not in my opinion. I’ll start by saying that the white, UMC, super competitive so called “American Dream” isn’t necessarily the healthiest way to live, and certainly not the only way to live. If he’s able to maintain stable living situations for himself, not owning a home is not a “failure “. Many people rent for all kinds of reasons — including some quite good ones. Not everyone has a life partner. Many women will outlive their husbands. Others maintain toxic relationships—primarily to avoid the supposed “shame” of being single. So, no shame there. There are risks, inconveniences and financial issues that might go along with his choices, but nothing shameful. I can’t comment on retirement issues without knowing more about his situation.

To add, could you tell me what aspects of this you might view as “shameful “? Is it because he’s male?
I can imagine a lot of ways that his decisions could be not just neutral but laudable— but would like to understand your perspective.

I guess I imagine what if he was my father or husband. But he is not. He has no dependents or spouse to care for.

Sounds like he made the responsible choice for his chosen lifestyle. It would be different if he were a babydaddy.

[Anonymous]

I have a family member like this. He presents as joyful and carefree on the outside, but in actuality he’s often lonely and I think he feels like he underachieved in life. He does have ADHD and is possibly bipolar. He has had girlfriends but they tend to go south after a while. I think he does genuinely have a nice family-like community of friends and he is self-supporting, so he’s not a leech and he’s making his way, and he does have a sense of adventure and a fun personality, most of the time. He’s also in therapy and medicated for the ADHD. Maybe if he’d gotten a handle on some of the things that get in his way earlier, he would have had a family. I hope for him that he meets someone with children to whom he can play a stepfather or even adjacent grandfather role, as he’s great with kids but is unlikely to have his own. Plus the stress of fatherhood might be a lot for him. His lows are pretty low, but most of the time he seems like the person the OP described. Non family members wouldn’t see the lows.

Anecdotally, another person I know like this grew up in Nebraska in a very repressed, religious household and chose this lifestyle rather than be openly out or start a family with a man, which I think would have been his ideal path. He looks like a confirmed heterosexual bachelor with odd jobs to the outside world, when in actuality he’s dealing with a lot of trauma over growing up secretly gay in an unaccepting household. I think he, too, has found a supportive community of friends, and hopefully some love along the way, though he’s incredibly private and closed still, even among close friends. He also appears unfettered and joyful to the outside world, if under-employed. But when you don’t have dependents, you can take a different professional (or lack thereof) path and still have enough money. He’s lived all over.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Their brother did not stayed meaningfully employed long either. Both survive in part by extreme frugality. What's odd is their parents were employed, mostly for 1 company their whole careers. Not spoiled, not rich, no trust fund. Just imagine you work, your spouse works, but have 2 kids and neither works really.

[Anonymous]

Freedom

[Anonymous]

You describe my uncle who is 78. He graduated from college and worked for a year in a corporate setting, then quit and has never really had a steady paycheck since. The last 30 years, he does a few months of h and r block tax work and drifts around thrifting and reselling from a antique shops.

He was married in the 60s but not surprisingly his wife left him. He has two kids who have a relationship with him, but it’s obvious he was never very available for them emotionally and that relationship is pretty superficial.

He always has a girlfriend - usually someone who works in retail and has a bit of a train wreck life herself and is looking to be loved.

He has always had anxiety and is very lonely, but outwardly puts on a happy positive spin.

In our family, we call him “a sad sack”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Their brother did not stayed meaningfully employed long either. Both survive in part by extreme frugality. What's odd is their parents were employed, mostly for 1 company their whole careers. Not spoiled, not rich, no trust fund. Just imagine you work, your spouse works, but have 2 kids and neither works really.

I know a family like this. Both parents work hard (still working in their 60s/70s), and none of the kids really work. One on ssdi for anxiety and alcohol-related health issues, one sometimes works as a server, and another sometimes helps at the parent’s business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say an adult male has never had a real job, as an employee, for 30-40 years, but finds odds and ends to earn a little money here and there, maybe earning under 20k per year in a low cost of living area with no family - no wife or kids, no live in girlfriend. They are very positive, dreamer type, conversationalist, enjoy traveling to visit friends, hobbies. Very carefree, zero responsibilities. What do you call this type of person? Is there a diagnosis?

I knew two guys like this when I lived in a small town. I’m biased and think one kind of dragged the other down - they were in their fifties and best friends. Worked at a bookstore, one cooked at restaurants here and there, the other did tree removals/repairs as well. They called themselves communists and were proud to have “beat” (or, at least, avoided) the system.

One was never going to go anywhere, but the other had been studying aerospace engineering at Virginia Tech until one summer during college and the other one - in my view - convinced him to drop out.

I found them arrogant and out of touch with reality. They were very judgmental of people who had “real” jobs, purchased homes etc. It wouldn’t have worked if they’d lived in a HCOL area, in my view. Of course they were never married/no kids.

[Anonymous]

My brother.

[Anonymous]

happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you describe is a lot of married women. But society tells us to see them differently.

LOL ok incel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's say an adult male has never had a real job, as an employee, for 30-40 years, but finds odds and ends to earn a little money here and there, maybe earning under 20k per year in a low cost of living area with no family - no wife or kids, no live in girlfriend. They are very positive, dreamer type, conversationalist, enjoy traveling to visit friends, hobbies. Very carefree, zero responsibilities. What do you call this type of person? Is there a diagnosis?

I knew two guys like this when I lived in a small town. I’m biased and think one kind of dragged the other down - they were in their fifties and best friends. Worked at a bookstore, one cooked at restaurants here and there, the other did tree removals/repairs as well. They called themselves communists and were proud to have “beat” (or, at least, avoided) the system.

One was never going to go anywhere, but the other had been studying aerospace engineering at Virginia Tech until one summer during college and the other one - in my view - convinced him to drop out.

I found them arrogant and out of touch with reality. They were very judgmental of people who had “real” jobs, purchased homes etc. It wouldn’t have worked if they’d lived in a HCOL area, in my view. Of course they were never married/no kids.

You’re pretty judgmental yourself so not sure why you think it is so one sided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There doesn't need to be an official diagnosis for someone who lives differently from you.
He obviously gets by and he's fine with his life.
The fact that he's a man means he probably feels that he can marry and start a family whenever he feels like it.

what if they are in their 60s though.

“Confirmed bachelor.”

I thought that was an old timey euphemism for "gay".