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[quote=Anonymous]I have a family member like this. He presents as joyful and carefree on the outside, but in actuality he’s often lonely and I think he feels like he underachieved in life. He does have ADHD and is possibly bipolar. He has had girlfriends but they tend to go south after a while. I think he does genuinely have a nice family-like community of friends and he is self-supporting, so he’s not a leech and he’s making his way, and he does have a sense of adventure and a fun personality, most of the time. He’s also in therapy and medicated for the ADHD. Maybe if he’d gotten a handle on some of the things that get in his way earlier, he would have had a family. I hope for him that he meets someone with children to whom he can play a stepfather or even adjacent grandfather role, as he’s great with kids but is unlikely to have his own. Plus the stress of fatherhood might be a lot for him. His lows are pretty low, but most of the time he seems like the person the OP described. Non family members wouldn’t see the lows.

Anecdotally, another person I know like this grew up in Nebraska in a very repressed, religious household and chose this lifestyle rather than be openly out or start a family with a man, which I think would have been his ideal path. He looks like a confirmed heterosexual bachelor with odd jobs to the outside world, when in actuality he’s dealing with a lot of trauma over growing up secretly gay in an unaccepting household. I think he, too, has found a supportive community of friends, and hopefully some love along the way, though he’s incredibly private and closed still, even among close friends. He also appears unfettered and joyful to the outside world, if under-employed. But when you don’t have dependents, you can take a different professional (or lack thereof) path and still have enough money. He’s lived all over. [/quote]

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