Give it to me straight: sleep deprivation

[Anonymous]

Parent of a 6 and 2 year old. Just a fair warning that you may end up with one or more kids who don’t train well and end up sleep deprived for far longer than you expect (eg years). I cant tell you how often I tell people my 2 year old wakes and joins us in bed and others confess to their x year old being a crap sleeper or doing the same thing. You roll the dice when parenting and sleep deprivation is not something you are always lucky enough to control.

[Anonymous]

Sleep deprivation is no joke; it’s equivalent to drunk driving. My kids essentially broke my sleep forever! We put a high priority on sleep for everyone and encouraged our kids to nap on weekends even through kindergarten. My H and I allowed each other to nap when possible. Going without sleep is sometimes seen as a virtue, but there is increasing evidence that it’s terrible for your health.

[Anonymous]

I love my kids, but honestly it was torture with my first. I bf and pumped, and due to low supply also supplemented a little with formula.

I also had smaller (lower weight babies), which I think prolonged DCs not sleeping through the night. And, DC1 also had days/nights mixed up - would nap okay during the day but did not want to sleep at night. At points, I was literally delirious from sleep deprivation during my maternity leave.

I was like OP and needed 8+ hours of sleep pre-kids and was not a morning person. My body has somewhat adjusted to functioning on much less sleep and I now automatically wake up at about 6:30/7 am every day.

But eventually they do (mostly) sleep though the night and life got so much better after I was done bf and pumping.

[Anonymous]

PP. but yes, even now that kids are elementary school age, I get nowhere near as much sleep as I did pre-kids. I still miss sleeping in on weekends. (Even when DH get up with the kids on weekends, I still wake up, but do enjoy some alone time in staying in bed and reading dcmum or watching a show).

[Anonymous]

A baby nurse totally helps sleep even if you are breastfeeding. She can hand you the baby, you feed, take the baby away from you, burp the baby and diaper the baby and settle the baby. So you snooze while feeding and go straight to bed. I would still hire a baby nurse even if exclusively breastfeeding. The extra half an hour settling the baby is priceless vs dozing on the bed.

[Anonymous]

I had insomnia during my three pregnancies. I found the lack of sleep and tiredness in the day during pregnancy more frustrating than having a newborn. I recommend cosleeping. I also kept everything I needed during the night on the bed or within quick reach. I only had to actually get up to use the bathroom/wash hands.

[Anonymous]

I have never been a napper and am in general terrible at falling asleep. It’s different with a newborn, especially when you are in those early days. You’ll be able to nap a lot during the day when the baby naps. Instead of a night nanny, I’d recommend outsourcing everything else you can. Get a cleaning lady multiple times a week and have her do all the babies laundry, bottles, pump parts, etc. Order takeout and everything as needed. I have 4 kids and it took me a while to learn to say no to visitors when the baby is brand new. It’s exhausting and those visits suck up time when you could be sleeping or relaxing or bonding.

As far as a night nurse, I had one with my first 2, nothing w/ my 2nd and a snoo with my 4th. The snoo was hands down the best and way better than a night nanny. With the night nanny you still need to get up to pump or nurse so it didn’t really make that much of a difference. Plus I wasn’t able to get myself to fall asleep right when she arrived so I was paying a crazy rate for someone to basically snuggle the baby when I was still awake. I also think the thing I didn’t appreciate until I had kids is that newborns (even my 2 who were colicky) are still easy in the sense that they need very little. Feed, change, snuggle. I had been intimidated by the idea and it was much easier than I thought. My dh never took any paternity leave and I never had him wake up in the night bc what was the point if I needed to get up anyways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never been a napper and am in general terrible at falling asleep. It’s different with a newborn, especially when you are in those early days. You’ll be able to nap a lot during the day when the baby naps. Instead of a night nanny, I’d recommend outsourcing everything else you can. Get a cleaning lady multiple times a week and have her do all the babies laundry, bottles, pump parts, etc. Order takeout and everything as needed. I have 4 kids and it took me a while to learn to say no to visitors when the baby is brand new. It’s exhausting and those visits suck up time when you could be sleeping or relaxing or bonding.

As far as a night nurse, I had one with my first 2, nothing w/ my 2nd and a snoo with my 4th. The snoo was hands down the best and way better than a night nanny. With the night nanny you still need to get up to pump or nurse so it didn’t really make that much of a difference. Plus I wasn’t able to get myself to fall asleep right when she arrived so I was paying a crazy rate for someone to basically snuggle the baby when I was still awake. I also think the thing I didn’t appreciate until I had kids is that newborns (even my 2 who were colicky) are still easy in the sense that they need very little. Feed, change, snuggle. I had been intimidated by the idea and it was much easier than I thought. My dh never took any paternity leave and I never had him wake up in the night bc what was the point if I needed to get up anyways?

I think many of us have had very different experiences than what you describe (my baby didn't nap much after those first sleepy weeks, the Snoo would not have been helpful for us because sleep at night was not an issue - waking her up for feedings was), but I agree with you about getting a cleaning lady. I heard a lot about postpartum doulas when I was pregnant and ended up getting one. But she wasn't terribly helpful and what I really needed was someone to do actual house cleaning, not "light housekeeping" which basically means putting clothes in the laundry and washing up some dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never been a napper and am in general terrible at falling asleep. It’s different with a newborn, especially when you are in those early days. You’ll be able to nap a lot during the day when the baby naps. Instead of a night nanny, I’d recommend outsourcing everything else you can. Get a cleaning lady multiple times a week and have her do all the babies laundry, bottles, pump parts, etc. Order takeout and everything as needed. I have 4 kids and it took me a while to learn to say no to visitors when the baby is brand new. It’s exhausting and those visits suck up time when you could be sleeping or relaxing or bonding.

As far as a night nurse, I had one with my first 2, nothing w/ my 2nd and a snoo with my 4th. The snoo was hands down the best and way better than a night nanny. With the night nanny you still need to get up to pump or nurse so it didn’t really make that much of a difference. Plus I wasn’t able to get myself to fall asleep right when she arrived so I was paying a crazy rate for someone to basically snuggle the baby when I was still awake. I also think the thing I didn’t appreciate until I had kids is that newborns (even my 2 who were colicky) are still easy in the sense that they need very little. Feed, change, snuggle. I had been intimidated by the idea and it was much easier than I thought. My dh never took any paternity leave and I never had him wake up in the night bc what was the point if I needed to get up anyways?

I think many of us have had very different experiences than what you describe (my baby didn't nap much after those first sleepy weeks, the Snoo would not have been helpful for us because sleep at night was not an issue - waking her up for feedings was), but I agree with you about getting a cleaning lady. I heard a lot about postpartum doulas when I was pregnant and ended up getting one. But she wasn't terribly helpful and what I really needed was someone to do actual house cleaning, not "light housekeeping" which basically means putting clothes in the laundry and washing up some dishes.

+2 For cleaning help. I never ever managed to nap while the baby napped because neither of my babies were good nappers and I really, really struggle to nap myself, especially since you never know when you're lying down to nap if the baby will be up again in 10 minutes or 90. But being able to chill (rather than cook/clean/care for my toddler/whatever) while the baby napped was nice when I could manage it. I didn't have a cleaning service but my mother came to help for a month or so and she did a lot of cooking and cleaning and it was so, so appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I also need a lot of sleep so the sleep deprivation struggle was really rough. If I did it again I would hire a night nurse a couple nights a week so I could get a full night's sleep. The one suggestion I would make is to talk to your gyno and pcp about being on top of signs of PPD/PPA and start treating it with meds right away. I think the sleep deprivation was the number one cause of my PPD.

[Anonymous]

You just sort of change. I was the exact same as you -- I loved sleeping 8+ hours and napping tons on the weekends, so I was scared too. And really found it pretty hard with my first baby. The middle of the night feedings weren't nearly as hard for me as those period where they're inexplicably up for the day at 5 am (which happened as a baby and again around 3).

But now, with a 3.5 and 1.5 year old, I'm just used to it. The mornings they both sleep in til 7:30, my husband and I are naturally up by 6:30 or so waiting and wondering why they aren't awake yet. When I nap during their naps, it's a really light sleep and sometimes only for a few minutes but it's all I need.

You age, your body adapts, you mourn the days where you could relax and sleep and there are times when you are tired to your bone. But... it's incredibly worth it.

Tips:
1. Nap at least once a day with your baby on your chest for the whole newborn period. They can do the other naps in their bed to create good sleep habits. But this guarantees YOU get at least one good solid nap in during maternity leave. And it's super sweet.

2. Go to bed for the night at 7:30 if you have to. Shower, turn the TV on low, lamps on, phone away and just relax. In fact I loved doing this and still do.

3. Cosleeping helped with my second (never would have done this with my first).

4. Sleep train and do cry it out. It's the only thing that works.

5. Formula is your friend. Find ways (like formula) to make things a little easier.

6. Staff up if you can afford to. I never had a night nurse and survived, though.

7. Change your perspective when you can and just try to enjoy it. This helped me.

8. Lots and lots (and lots) of coffee + walks in the sunlight.

[Anonymous]

Setup a solid plan for support to help you and DH once baby arrives. It can be a total nightmare. Think up every hour feeding and changing around the clock. Non-stop. There will be very little sleep stretches and if you're unlucky (because you end up with a baby that is fussy/colic/reflux etc.) there will no sleep period if you don't have a solid support person to help care for the baby while you sleep/rest/eat/shower.

[Anonymous]

i'm similar to you, and having the sleep deprivation from having babies was rough. Lessons learned by my 1st to the 2nd -- 1) formula, and 2) night nanny 3X a week.

formula doesn't solve all your problems, but it made life a lot easier. we also got the baby brezza -- it was nice to press a button and have a bottle ready in 30 seconds.

i was near suicidal from the lack of sleep with my first. once i switched to formula, i got a lot more sleep. i was able to get on a schedule too, which helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I've been sleep deprived but I wouldn't trade my kids for sleep. Sleep deprivation isn't even the worst thing about being a parent.

We sleep trained around 10 weeks and all 3 were STTN 12-7am by 12 weeks old. The only times my kids have woke up between those times have been when they've vomited, peed the bed or something else is equally wrong. The older they get, the more trainable they are. We have yogurts with spoons in them ready on weekend mornings. Kids know to tiptoe to the kitchen, grab their yogurt and then go to the basement to play. They even use that bathroom. It's glorious.

I did have trouble getting myself back to sleep postpartum and I took OTC sleeping pills for a while until my body got used to sleeping through the night again. I weaned myself and am back to sleeping nicely. With a newborn I was so sleep deprived that I had no trouble falling asleep instantly after breastfeeding.

Also, side note- who are all of you who are changing your babies at night? I only remember that being once or twice per baby and that's just for poop diapers.

[Anonymous]

This whole your body will adapt thing. BS. Maybe, but you will feel horrific. Just get that night nurse till the baby is old enough to sleep train. Best investment ever. Better than the snoo. I was clueless with my first and it was trial by fire. The second one I handed to the night nurse and had glorious sleep. If you have the money to do this just do it. You won't regret it. You nor your DH.