Tired of paying for my mom to eat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woah- I get that everyone wants to dogpile on OP, but I am on team OP. If someone invites you out for your birthday, they pay. I don't even play around with who picks up the tab, we just go dutch when we go out to eat.

My parents usually supply the main entre for a lot of the holidays because they care more about the cut of meat than we do.

But did OP’s mom invite her out?

[Anonymous]

When my mother was alive it made me feel really good to be able to buy her things. I never wanted/expected her to bring anything to family holiday meals. When we went out together for occasional meals I always insisted on paying the bill. I honestly wouldn’t have cared if my mother didn’t offer to pay for my birthday dinner. I loved my mother and it made me feel good to be able to give to her just a fraction of what she gave to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

My parents get extremely uncomfortable if we pay for dinner. It's not the generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand having petty complaints about your parents or your inlaws but this trend on DCUM of whining about how a whole entire generation is just like your parents only reflects your own limited intelligence and knowledge of people. Your anecdotal stories prove nothing about all boomers. If this is the way you talk though I imagine your own kids will be blaming your generation for everything that annoys them some day.

OP here. I didn’t mention generations, someone else did.

I’m just resentful because I make holidays special for my mom, take her out for dinner on her birthday and many other times throughout the year (which I pay for) and it would just be nice to be invited (yes, she invites) to dinner and not have to pay for not only myself, but also my mother, on my birthday.

I’m turning 37, since someone asked, twice.

I was just venting, and while you all make valid points, I still feel resentful.

[Anonymous]

My mom is the same. Never contributes, always expecting things to be the way she wants them, never pays a dime, always complaining. It's exhausting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand having petty complaints about your parents or your inlaws but this trend on DCUM of whining about how a whole entire generation is just like your parents only reflects your own limited intelligence and knowledge of people. Your anecdotal stories prove nothing about all boomers. If this is the way you talk though I imagine your own kids will be blaming your generation for everything that annoys them some day.

OP here. I didn’t mention generations, someone else did.

I’m just resentful because I make holidays special for my mom, take her out for dinner on her birthday and many other times throughout the year (which I pay for) and it would just be nice to be invited (yes, she invites) to dinner and not have to pay for not only myself, but also my mother, on my birthday.

I’m turning 37, since someone asked, twice.

I was just venting, and while you all make valid points, I still feel resentful.

I hear you, OP. It's ok to vent. You aren't wrong, it's just one of those things that won't change unless you want the confrontation with her or simply stop inviting her. I'm the PP who asked about the invitation. In that case, don't pay for her. Either sit there when the check comes and make no move to take it, or up front tell the waiter "this will be two checks, please".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

My parents get extremely uncomfortable if we pay for dinner. It's not the generation.

I'm at the tail end of the boomers. My DD is 25, living on her own, but with a fairly low-paying job. I almost always pay at restaurants, as did my parents, end of the greatest generation. She will pay if we go out to eat on my birthday and for a few meals if we travel together. This is seems totally normal to me.

I'm tired of DCUM constantly pitting generations against each other and the sweeping generalizations.

[Anonymous]

If not for us our kids would not have any holidays, birthdays, clothes, shoes, school supplies, furniture, gas, groceries, money...
I have to ask this question.
The amount of unhappiness in these threads is to say the least unreal. Are you all from other countries, in arranged marriages ?
You all seem to be afraid of your parents, siblings, husbands.
Most of the stuff posted here I cannot relate to. It's bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re an adult and expecting your parent to pay for your meals? This is a joke, right? How old are you turning tomorrow?

No, she’s an adult asking another adult to pay for their own meal and not expect another adult to pay for them, repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Aww it’s your mom- if you love her and she is a good mom then pay for her meals and be gracious about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

My parents get extremely uncomfortable if we pay for dinner. It's not the generation.

+1. My parents believe they should pay for their kids’ dinner too…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand having petty complaints about your parents or your inlaws but this trend on DCUM of whining about how a whole entire generation is just like your parents only reflects your own limited intelligence and knowledge of people. Your anecdotal stories prove nothing about all boomers. If this is the way you talk though I imagine your own kids will be blaming your generation for everything that annoys them some day.

OP here. I didn’t mention generations, someone else did.

I’m just resentful because I make holidays special for my mom, take her out for dinner on her birthday and many other times throughout the year (which I pay for) and it would just be nice to be invited (yes, she invites) to dinner and not have to pay for not only myself, but also my mother, on my birthday.

I’m turning 37, since someone asked, twice.

I was just venting, and while you all make valid points, I still feel resentful.

I actually wasn't referring to you OP, just to all these other commenters who seem to think their experience with their parents or inlaws transfers to a total indictment of an entire generation. Didn't feel like quoting one comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

It’s the Boomer Hater!

And you’re also so full of sh*t.

I don’t know an adult under 40 who goes out to dinner with their parents where the parents don’t insist on paying.

Many children of boomers are over the age of 40 (including myself, my siblings, my spouse, my spouse's siblings, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand having petty complaints about your parents or your inlaws but this trend on DCUM of whining about how a whole entire generation is just like your parents only reflects your own limited intelligence and knowledge of people. Your anecdotal stories prove nothing about all boomers. If this is the way you talk though I imagine your own kids will be blaming your generation for everything that annoys them some day.

OP here. I didn’t mention generations, someone else did.

I’m just resentful because I make holidays special for my mom, take her out for dinner on her birthday and many other times throughout the year (which I pay for) and it would just be nice to be invited (yes, she invites) to dinner and not have to pay for not only myself, but also my mother, on my birthday.

I’m turning 37, since someone asked, twice.

I was just venting, and while you all make valid points, I still feel resentful.

The problem is that you’re conflating two separate issues. When you invite someone over to your home, whether they are your mother or not, they’re your guest. You don’t keep score or expect them to chip in or pay their way by bringing a dessert.

This is a separate issue from your mother expecting you to pay for her meal on YOUR birthday. Someone above gave language to use to call her out on it. Either choose to do that, or simply stop going out for your birthday with your mother or stop being resentful. Those are your three choices. Pick one. You don’t get to be pissed off about something you choose not to address. That’s just wallowing in victimhood. At 37, that’s not a good look.

[Anonymous]

You should be treating your mother.