Tired of paying for my mom to eat!

[Anonymous]

This will sound super selfish but I need to vent. I’m so tired of paying for and supplying these fancy dinners for my mom! I planned and paid for a small Thanksgiving dinner and she said she’d bring dessert, but then she forgot it! Same thing on Christmas, only she showed up late and then was upset about missing appetizers! Last year on my birthday she left me with the bill. My birthday is tomorrow and we are going out to dinner and I know the same thing will happen. I don’t even want to go! I’m so annoyed and tired of being taken advantage of. She has the money and would have no problem spending it on others. It’s like she expects to be wined and dined by me for some reason.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you can't complain. She's done way more for you. It's time for you to repay that debt.

[Anonymous]

Referring to your mom joining holiday meals in your home as “paying for her to eat” is incredibly weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will sound super selfish but I need to vent. I’m so tired of paying for and supplying these fancy dinners for my mom! I planned and paid for a small Thanksgiving dinner and she said she’d bring dessert, but then she forgot it! Same thing on Christmas, only she showed up late and then was upset about missing appetizers! Last year on my birthday she left me with the bill. My birthday is tomorrow and we are going out to dinner and I know the same thing will happen. I don’t even want to go! I’m so annoyed and tired of being taken advantage of. She has the money and would have no problem spending it on others. It’s like she expects to be wined and dined by me for some reason.

So stop making plans with her. Or spend less on the meals. You know what they say about doing the same thing and expecting a different result...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Referring to your mom joining holiday meals in your home as “paying for her to eat” is incredibly weird.

This. I don’t expect guests to bring anything, but if they did I wouldn’t consider it repayment for their meal. Just have a potluck, OP and don’t invite her to your restaurant gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Do you enjoy her company and want to keep the relationship active? Then just suck it up and pay. It’s one person, not an entire family you’re fronting. If you don’t want to be with her and want to encourage to look away from you for her holiday plans, tell her you expect her to pay for your birthday meal and see how that goes over.

[Anonymous]

I think your only legit complaint here is her leaving you with the bill on your birthday. All your other complaints are incredibly petty.

If you don't want to go out to dinner, just cancel and make up an excuse if you have to. But this anticipatory anger at having to pay for her meal is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your only legit complaint here is her leaving you with the bill on your birthday. All your other complaints are incredibly petty.

If you don't want to go out to dinner, just cancel and make up an excuse if you have to. But this anticipatory anger at having to pay for her meal is weird.

I see your point, and I guess I’m just resentful because it would be nice to just be invited to a holiday I didn’t have to plan, or to have a birthday dinner I didn’t have to pay for. It’s all compounded and I’m resentful. If I didn’t invite her to holidays, she’d complain about that. I can’t win!

[Anonymous]

You’re an adult and expecting your parent to pay for your meals? This is a joke, right? How old are you turning tomorrow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your only legit complaint here is her leaving you with the bill on your birthday. All your other complaints are incredibly petty.

If you don't want to go out to dinner, just cancel and make up an excuse if you have to. But this anticipatory anger at having to pay for her meal is weird.

I see your point, and I guess I’m just resentful because it would be nice to just be invited to a holiday I didn’t have to plan, or to have a birthday dinner I didn’t have to pay for. It’s all compounded and I’m resentful. If I didn’t invite her to holidays, she’d complain about that. I can’t win!

m

Use your words then. Next year tell her “mom, I’m burned out from hosting holidays. What can we do to celebrate without me having to host?” Maybe she’ll volunteer, maybe you’ll have a pizza movie party instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

+1 million! Their parents (greatest generation) sacrificed so much and gave and gave and gave to their children (boomers.) Boomers did not do the same for their own kids (Gen X) and just keep on taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re an adult and expecting your parent to pay for your meals? This is a joke, right? How old are you turning tomorrow?

OP has some strong opinions but your opinion that it’s strange to expect someone to pay for your meal on your birthday is astounding. It’s normal.

[Anonymous]

Set up an appointment for her to be checked for cognitive decline under the guise of forgetting things she'd previously committed to - i.e., bringing her wallet to pay for dinner, the dessert for Thanksgiving, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

+1 million! Their parents (greatest generation) sacrificed so much and gave and gave and gave to their children (boomers.) Boomers did not do the same for their own kids (Gen X) and just keep on taking.

I'm a boomer, and I can assure you we do a lot for our kids; and they're very appreciative, just as we felt about our parents' generosity and help.