Biggest parenting regret or mistake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, we were/are pretty good parents. Not perfect, obviously. The one thing I regret, although I don’t beat myself up over it or anything, is putting more pressure on the kids and caring too much about grades and college. With the benefit of hindsight, it was wasted energy. They all ended up attending colleges of varying levels of prestige - some very high, others less so - and as adults it has made no difference. There is zero correlation between college attended and grades achieved and happiness or success in life. But, again, this is a small thing.

I think it's OK if they are capable. I agree it doesn't matter in the long run, but I think it's fine to show kids that they can reach their potential. I was a decent student, but I wished my parents were less relaxed about achievement.

Yeah I think there is a sweet spot/balance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not spending enough "fun" time with the kids. I took a high-stress job, which was good for the family finances, but it left me very stressed, overwhelmed and unhappy. Even when I would come home from work, I would usually have to work in the evenings/weekends. I think the kids never really saw me as anything else, even on vacations, I was not relaxed/fun, but online and taking calls, etc. Even if I made time to do an activity, it was very "scheduled" and afterwards, even if we were having fun, I would stop and say that I needed to get something done, and go back to work....

Without my income, we could have had other problems, but i think if I had those years back, I would seriously reconsider my choices. Often you adjust lifestyle to your pay, meaning even if you take a lower paying job, you can still do many of the same things, with some adjustments. Maybe a smaller home, maybe stay at a Doubletree rather than a Ritz Carlton, maybe buy clothes from Old Navy instead of LuluLemon. I am not sure the higher salary was actually worth the extra money, when you take into account the hours I was working!

From what I see at least now, those minor trade downs would nowhere near cover the cost of the type of career downshift you're talking about. It would probably be more like move to a different neighborhood (maybe that means a significant lifestyle change, maybe not). Whether you're in public or private it would likely affect school options too. Subbing out lululemon for old navy will do nothing to make up this difference, so don't feel bad about that at least!

[Anonymous]

I wish I had started medicating my daughter for her OCD sooner. I am ashamed that I waited so long and let her suffer so much.

[Anonymous]

Not getting my own anxiety treated sooner. So many little struggles were more about me than about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not getting my own anxiety treated sooner. So many little struggles were more about me than about them.

I hear you. Looking back, I would have done this sooner. I didn't realize how much my anxiety affected other people.

[Anonymous]

Not putting kids in swim lessons when they were young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going back to work when my oldest was 7 weeks old (had too because of money). I struggled so much with that decision and my relationship with my baby was so difficult because of it. I would have waited until I had the resources to either stay home or take a longer leave.

Sending you a hug.

[Anonymous]

My kid has some special needs and I regret the time I spent worrying/despairing about what could be going on instead of enjoying him. 😔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest regret was the pandemic. No childcare, my workload at work doubled and I just had no escape. It was a really hard year and I wish I could redo it. Not sure how I should have done it- quit my job? Intense regret though and I feel like I ruined my children. I've been a wonderful parent since then but I haven't been able to untangle the mess I made during that year. They have behavioral problems that stem from it.

What happened exactly? I feel like that’s more on society/govt than you

Pp here. Screaming, spanking, a lot of conference calls in my closet while kids cried in another room. It was bad. I’m so ashamed. My boss was so unbelievably nasty too. I quit and got a new job but that meant long hours of proving myself there too. I just had a lot of rage issues and then drank way too much.

I hope this isn’t triggering to ask, but where was their father during this time? Are you divorced?

You definitely made mistakes but it seems like you were asked to do more than a person should be expected to do.

Dh had to work in person the entire time. He works in a scif and can’t telework. I think he could have done more to help me like change his hours up. We tried a nanny too and that didn’t work out either.

I’m not condoning anything but just wanted to share the pandemic was really terrible for our family too, even though I was eventually able to take a leave of absence from work. Virtual school, no support for my SN kid and my own emotional health in the gutter was a nightmare. We still aren’t recovered honestly. I truly wonder if it was really ok for anyone or they are just better at hiding it than me.

No, it was awful for all parents. I had a 2019 baby. If I'd known pandemic was coming....it would've been zero kids for me. Kinda glad I didn't know bc I love my daughter so much. But god the pandemic sucked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, we were/are pretty good parents. Not perfect, obviously. The one thing I regret, although I don’t beat myself up over it or anything, is putting more pressure on the kids and caring too much about grades and college. With the benefit of hindsight, it was wasted energy. They all ended up attending colleges of varying levels of prestige - some very high, others less so - and as adults it has made no difference. There is zero correlation between college attended and grades achieved and happiness or success in life. But, again, this is a small thing.

I think it's OK if they are capable. I agree it doesn't matter in the long run, but I think it's fine to show kids that they can reach their potential. I was a decent student, but I wished my parents were less relaxed about achievement.

Yeah I think there is a sweet spot/balance

It's what I stated earlier.. it's a thin line, and it's dam! hard to walk that thin line.

[Anonymous]

Sending my very sensitive Pre-4 son to DCPS aftercare. It was just too much for him and I should’ve hired a babysitter or nanny to let him have some downtime after school instead of being at school from 3-6 in a loud gym with sub-par supervision.

[Anonymous]

The amount of time my oldest spent in day care and aftercare. It was too much for him and a big contributor to what we termed 'bad behavior" and/or "being high need".

I ended up having to leave my career anyway when our second child had special needs. Seeing how much more chill and happy my eldest was when he didn't have to go to aftercare every day kind of gutted me. He was 7 when we made the switch. He's 18 now and seems fine, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending my very sensitive Pre-4 son to DCPS aftercare. It was just too much for him and I should’ve hired a babysitter or nanny to let him have some downtime after school instead of being at school from 3-6 in a loud gym with sub-par supervision.

People don’t often realize the toll the extended day can take on children. Couple that with a challenging environment and it can be disaster out for some children. My rule is ‘no pick ups after 5’ for my child. Even then it aim for 4. Luckily he loves his aftercare but the fact that it’s small and structured contributes to his desire to attend.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if I had made better choices around food when my kids were young, exposed them to more foods, been a better or more enthusiastic cook - would they be less picky eaters than they are now?

[Anonymous]

Allowing unfettered access to the internet.