Biggest parenting regret or mistake

[Anonymous]

What is biggest regret you have in parenting or biggest mistake you ever made?

[Anonymous]

Not holding firm to “this is what’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Eat it or don’t but I’m not making something else.”

[Anonymous]

I can't name it here, and I have worked to never repeat it. But I regret it.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, we were/are pretty good parents. Not perfect, obviously. The one thing I regret, although I don’t beat myself up over it or anything, is putting more pressure on the kids and caring too much about grades and college. With the benefit of hindsight, it was wasted energy. They all ended up attending colleges of varying levels of prestige - some very high, others less so - and as adults it has made no difference. There is zero correlation between college attended and grades achieved and happiness or success in life. But, again, this is a small thing.

[Anonymous]

Following parenting guides for what kind of emotional maturity I could expect from my child, and their advice about what to do if there was a meltdown.

It's painful to think about how different things would be had I just been more gentle, kind, and understanding. It's sad that sometimes you don't know that your child is different until some damage has already been done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, we were/are pretty good parents. Not perfect, obviously. The one thing I regret, although I don’t beat myself up over it or anything, is putting more pressure on the kids and caring too much about grades and college. With the benefit of hindsight, it was wasted energy. They all ended up attending colleges of varying levels of prestige - some very high, others less so - and as adults it has made no difference. There is zero correlation between college attended and grades achieved and happiness or success in life. But, again, this is a small thing.

I think it's OK if they are capable. I agree it doesn't matter in the long run, but I think it's fine to show kids that they can reach their potential. I was a decent student, but I wished my parents were less relaxed about achievement.

[Anonymous]

So many.

[Anonymous]

I've yelled much more than I think is good parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, we were/are pretty good parents. Not perfect, obviously. The one thing I regret, although I don’t beat myself up over it or anything, is putting more pressure on the kids and caring too much about grades and college. With the benefit of hindsight, it was wasted energy. They all ended up attending colleges of varying levels of prestige - some very high, others less so - and as adults it has made no difference. There is zero correlation between college attended and grades achieved and happiness or success in life. But, again, this is a small thing.

I think it's OK if they are capable. I agree it doesn't matter in the long run, but I think it's fine to show kids that they can reach their potential. I was a decent student, but I wished my parents were less relaxed about achievement.

Well, like I said, I’m not beating myself over the head about it. I’m just saying that in hindsight a B+ is good enough.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had had therapy to resolve some personal issues before having kids. Our bad marriage has had negative impacts on my kids and I regret my role in it.

[Anonymous]

To each of you, thanks for sharing. There's a lot of painful circumspection evident in this thread, and I've learned from each of these posts.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had listened my instincts that his public middle school was harming him. I was (and really, still am) a supporter of public schools, and I think that blinded me to the struggle right in front of me. It made me predisposed to believe the principal who told me everything was fine, when it was not. The harm done was significant, as was the blossoming that occurred when we finally got him out that environment. It’s been years later and I still see the impact, though fortunately he is doing very well as a young adult now. But I will always regret what we put him through.

[Anonymous]

My biggest regret was the pandemic. No childcare, my workload at work doubled and I just had no escape. It was a really hard year and I wish I could redo it. Not sure how I should have done it- quit my job? Intense regret though and I feel like I ruined my children. I've been a wonderful parent since then but I haven't been able to untangle the mess I made during that year. They have behavioral problems that stem from it.

[Anonymous]

(1) Not holding firm to our "actions have consequences" mantra,

(2) Not teaching them more of my parent's language and culture, and

(3) We all did way too much bickering and yelling, usually over small stuff.


On a side note, things I'd do all over again, exactly the way I did 'em:

(1) Same Baby Daddy,

(2) Same number of children, and

(3) Same house/neighborhood and school selection.

[Anonymous]

Being too impatient and controlling.