Middle schooler failing - no word from school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously OP should reach out. But if there isn;t a requirement for counselors to document they have reached out to parents in these instances, there should be. It is frustrating to me that there is all this talk about equity in APS and then the school is depending on parents to reach out in situations like this. Obviously some parents have a lot more bandwidth to reach out than others.

Absolutely. This is the kind of stuff that makes a difference to kids and parents – knowing that someone IS paying attention.

A kid is struggling/failing and the teacher reaches out X times (which many are doing already). Gets a response? No need to escalate. No response? Counsellor is flagged. Continued no response to counsellor? Escalate to AP. Kids shouldn’t be failing middle school. If they are, there is a problem that needs to be solved. But nothing can be solved if it isn’t identified in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously OP should reach out. But if there isn;t a requirement for counselors to document they have reached out to parents in these instances, there should be. It is frustrating to me that there is all this talk about equity in APS and then the school is depending on parents to reach out in situations like this. Obviously some parents have a lot more bandwidth to reach out than others.

I was with you until your last sentence. What a cop out. You’re the parent. I’m the parent. Our “bandwidth” isn’t an excuse to not care about or pay attention to our kids’ progress in school and then blame the school. The ultimate responsibility is ALWAYS on us as the parents . Yes they have a job to do but we don’t get to cry and whine about our bandwidth to grt out of the hard work of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously OP should reach out. But if there isn;t a requirement for counselors to document they have reached out to parents in these instances, there should be. It is frustrating to me that there is all this talk about equity in APS and then the school is depending on parents to reach out in situations like this. Obviously some parents have a lot more bandwidth to reach out than others.

I was with you until your last sentence. What a cop out. You’re the parent. I’m the parent. Our “bandwidth” isn’t an excuse to not care about or pay attention to our kids’ progress in school and then blame the school. The ultimate responsibility is ALWAYS on us as the parents . Yes they have a job to do but we don’t get to cry and whine about our bandwidth to grt out of the hard work of parenting.

What if you are a refugee and don't speak English or Spanish and you are working two jobs and don't understand the grading system? What if your spouse was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and your sister died of a heart attack and you have to take custody of her kids? Obviously under normal circumstances I agree with you, but the guidance counselor should reach out to see if their are special circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked at how many people are saying the onus is on the kids / parents. It is to an extent, but failing every class should be sending off alarm bells with everyone.

Good luck to you, OP. My DC went through WMS and is now at YHS, and I got no support from the school until DC was failing every class - a fact of which the attendees at the 504 meeting were unaware, even though it was the primary reason for the 504 - and had to be partially hospitalized for depression. And I raised the issue with teachers, counselors, admin, requested meetings, etc. ALL THROUGH MIDDLE SCHOOL, and WMS was USELESS.

Good luck to you, OP, and if you can leave APS, do it.

They did. Grades and assignments are posted online. Parents and students see the grades and can see if anything is missing. That is the notification. Now you expect teachers to call and say “I am posting everything but want to make sure you are actually looking at it.” What’s next? A phone call to make sure you read an email?

This is not elementary school anymore. Teachers notify with an online grades and the kid can follow up if they need more assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously OP should reach out. But if there isn;t a requirement for counselors to document they have reached out to parents in these instances, there should be. It is frustrating to me that there is all this talk about equity in APS and then the school is depending on parents to reach out in situations like this. Obviously some parents have a lot more bandwidth to reach out than others.

I was with you until your last sentence. What a cop out. You’re the parent. I’m the parent. Our “bandwidth” isn’t an excuse to not care about or pay attention to our kids’ progress in school and then blame the school. The ultimate responsibility is ALWAYS on us as the parents . Yes they have a job to do but we don’t get to cry and whine about our bandwidth to grt out of the hard work of parenting.

What if you are a refugee and don't speak English or Spanish and you are working two jobs and don't understand the grading system? What if your spouse was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and your sister died of a heart attack and you have to take custody of her kids? Obviously under normal circumstances I agree with you, but the guidance counselor should reach out to see if their are special circumstances.

Not speaking the language is not the same thing as “I don’t have the bandwidth.” As a teacher, I use Language Line translation service to call parents who don’t speak English and of course I don’t expect them to have the same level of access to online systems and how the school system works. But your average APS parent who speaks English and knows how this stuff works? Nah, they don’t get to say “oh but my bandwidth meant I couldn’t monitor my child’s progress in school so it’s YOUR fault he failed.” Parenting isn’t always convenient . I don’t get to absolve my responsibility to my children because I am tired or stressed.

[Anonymous]

How does the school know if this is your average DCUM parent or a family in crisis of the guidance counselor doesn't call?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does the school know if this is your average DCUM parent or a family in crisis of the guidance counselor doesn't call?

They can see if parents are logging in to parentvue. If you’re viewing grades and not taking any action they probably assume you don’t care/won’t be doing anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aps are awful they only care about the low SES students

The non-low SES students generally benefit from unearned white privilege. They also benefit from unfair wealth advantages which are denied to lower SES because of income inequality in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aps are awful they only care about the low SES students

The non-low SES students generally benefit from unearned white privilege. They also benefit from unfair wealth advantages which are denied to lower SES because of income inequality in the US.

If they have a policy of not automatically reaching out when kids are failing, that doesn't seem helpful to low SES families. I suspect the high SES families are more likely to reach out on their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does the school know if this is your average DCUM parent or a family in crisis of the guidance counselor doesn't call?

How about the family in crisis gives the school a head's up so the school counselors and teachers know what's going on before it gets to the level the kid might not be able to pull themselves out of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher and unfortunately counselors are a mixed bag. Some are good. The ones at my school, I don’t think so. I had kids last year who ended up failing for the year and these are kids I was flagging to their counselors in Q1 as high risk for failing. Nothing was done that I ever saw. Even yesterday a counselor emailed teachers that one of the students is failing all their classes and can we do XYZ. Multiple teachers responded saying check the contact logs, we HAVE done XYZ, and if you’re a counselor noticing a kid is failing all classes you run it UP the chain and intervene, you don’t run it back down to individual teachers who have already done what they’re able. So no, not all counselors are super helpful but OP is the parent and she knows her kid is failing so it’s time to set up meetings to discuss what all the teachers are seeing which can then help determine the issue. Perhaps a child study is in order but nobody will know unless the teachers can confer together to try to establish common patterns they see that are affecting this child turning in work. This does not happen without robust parent involvement so get in there OP. We cannot do for you what you the parent has to do.

I am the earlier poster who got no support from APS until DC was failing every subject and had to be partially hospitalized for depression. I did EVERYTHING you suggest, and WMS did nothing. The school's own study showed that DC had ADHD - the same study now being used as justification for the interventions DC was finally given at YHS after the partial hospitalization - and WMS denied DC services and did NOTHING. I don't know how APS gets away with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked at how many people are saying the onus is on the kids / parents. It is to an extent, but failing every class should be sending off alarm bells with everyone.

Good luck to you, OP. My DC went through WMS and is now at YHS, and I got no support from the school until DC was failing every class - a fact of which the attendees at the 504 meeting were unaware, even though it was the primary reason for the 504 - and had to be partially hospitalized for depression. And I raised the issue with teachers, counselors, admin, requested meetings, etc. ALL THROUGH MIDDLE SCHOOL, and WMS was USELESS.

Good luck to you, OP, and if you can leave APS, do it.

They did. Grades and assignments are posted online. Parents and students see the grades and can see if anything is missing. That is the notification. Now you expect teachers to call and say “I am posting everything but want to make sure you are actually looking at it.” What’s next? A phone call to make sure you read an email?

This is not elementary school anymore. Teachers notify with an online grades and the kid can follow up if they need more assistance.

That's not at all what I said. I said that failing every subject is a unique situation that requires proactivity on behalf of the school, as well as on behalf of the parents.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. That was my biggest complaint about FCPS: the counselors are unavaiable and the teachers keep you at arm's length even when your student is having trouble.

Too many FCPS teachers assume that each student has 2 or three tutors. My now college student had teachers in middle and high school who would assign the work but not really teach it because...they can just ask their tutors, right? Luckily, we (the parents) could sit with kid at the dinner table and teach it ourselves.

This "doesn't every FCPS student have two tutors?" assumption is very real, OP. Prepare yourself to hit this assumption head on when they shrug and tell you to shell out $500 on tutors. Doesn't everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does the school know if this is your average DCUM parent or a family in crisis of the guidance counselor doesn't call?

How about the family in crisis gives the school a head's up so the school counselors and teachers know what's going on before it gets to the level the kid might not be able to pull themselves out of?

Of course families should reach out but by not having schools reach out, the school is punishing kids for the sins of their parents. That in no way promotes equity, something APS says they care about. Either APs should admit they don't care about equity enough to create systems to help students whose parents can't or won't reach out proactively or they should put their money where their mouth is and create systems that promote equity. But lip service with no systems is BS

[Anonymous]

Another part of the broader problem is that your middle schooler missed at least 18 months of learning how to manage an increasing work load between school and home.

It's a learned skill to go to seven classes, collect the work, keep it organized on paper and on screen, know what the deadlines are for everything, pace yourself on a project that is due in ten days, sit and study at home, and so on.

Please keep that in mind here, and talk to your student about what he or she needs. Our middle and high school students are struggling because their skills are lacking in certain study-management areas, but the schools are barreling ahead with the same expectations.