Cons of private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No mandate to innovate. Many teachers using approaches and texts that my grandmother probably used. In public school, compared to my DC's private school in grades 4-5, there's more groupwork, more independent work, more emphasis on writing in different genres, more rote work, and less feedback on written work than what my child is getting at private school. I'm shocked that with all that money for PD and such small classes to teach, there's so little innovation. Maybe this is just the one school--I certainly hope I am wrong and am wondering if our choice was the right one.

This. I'm not saying the way they teach is bad- but there's little pressure to keep up with the pedagogy and best practices. I like DD's teachers, but I haven't yet seen the kind of creative, innovative ideas that we saw and see in public. All these kids will be fine and they will go on to good high schools and colleges, so there just isn't the pressure to do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mean girl cliques that your daughter can’t escape from

Although these exist... my daughter and her friends "escape" just fine. I'm actually in awe at how well they handle themselves.... much better than I did at the same age.

...plus, out public is so much worse in this regard

[Anonymous]

Kids of major donors get a pass when they kick your kid in the shins….

[Anonymous]

At private elementary school we were one of the last families to take our kids abroad. We left at middle school and in public my kid was one of the very few who had been abroad.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had dug a little deeper into our school's financial picture. It wasn't as strong as they made it seem, and a lot of their energy and parent energy and cash went into shoring it up. Worth doing but I wish they had been more up front about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I had dug a little deeper and realized how little they push the kids in math.

I stupidly went into this thinking that smaller class size means my kid gets a lot more attention than in public. Actually my kid is getting a little bit more attention, because all of the families are expecting their kid (and themselves as parents/consumers) to get a lot more attention than in public. I also stupidly thought that all the kids at our not-that-competitive private would be bright and have no major issues, when in fact many of them are at this school precisely *because* they need extra help and were falling behind.

Interesting. We are experiencing a variation on this, but not as negative (yet). I feel like DD's classmates fall into one of three categories: visiting international students with weak English but a lot of support at home, they usually catch up quickly; kids who are a little too emotional to thrive in a large class but not all the way to needing an IEP; and kids (like mine) who are bright enough to get ignored at our public but not brilliant enough for special assignments in public. I do feel like DD gets a lot more attention than she did in public.

OP didn't ask what the pros of private school are but for us the music and arts emphasis is a big reason we've stayed rather than return to public where those activities are an afterthought at best.

This may get to be a more serious problem as your kids get older. Sometimes what seems to other parents to be a minor problem is actually a big one as the kid's emotional maturity or underlying issue (ASD or whatever) becomes a bigger problem as expectations increase with age.

IME, there are a lot of "hothouse flowers" in private. Their parents choose it to shelter them, but it doesn't always help, and the coddling can actually make some things worse.

Also, the fundraising pressure can be rough, especially if tuition (which goes up every single year) is already any kind of stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conspicuous consumption competition. The other kids have designer this and limited edition that and all the latest tech. It’s impossible to keep up. We preach non-materialism at home and our kids are mostly believers, but having constant conversations about reigning in jealousy and us always having to say no really drains me. And it drains the kids.

I could have written this exact statement. I have noticed this too at our child's private middle school. It pains me bc I grew up in a family that struggled to make ends meet, and I worked very hard to get to where we are today. Our child thinks we are poor, whereas we have no trouble paying for food, shelter, and discretionary expenses within reason. Our teaching of non-materialism isn't sticking the way we had hoped, though maybe this is just a phase.

Also, the kids live throughout the DC area so it's really hard to get together outside school.

We might switch back to public - each has its pros and cons.

+1
The conspicuous consumption isn't terrible in ES, usually, but it gets worse and worse. It's hard when your kid has no normal points of comparison and thinks you are "poor," and feels deprived, because everyone around them has more, more, more.

[Anonymous]

1. MS DD is still learning how to balance “school friends” and “neighborhood friends” and what to do when worlds collide
2. It’s not as easy to just get the kids together. Both our kids are used to roaming the neighborhood, with limits, but none of their school friends live in our neighborhood. It’s especially hard when we have off and other schools don’t
3. All the parents are always there. For whatever the thing is. So if for some reason I can’t go - big work meeting, travel, etc - I feel terrible. Never felt that way in public bc all the parents never went to xyz

It’s interesting and terrifying to hear about the mean girl cliques. DD has encountered some mean behavior, both in public and private, and U’ve noticed that she is actively working through things more, using her words more, etc in private. Now that the pond is 1/4 the size of our public, she can’t just retreat to a different group when things get weird. I will say that she isn’t actively being bullied - that might be different. But a smaller group is forcing them all to learn how to get along. Through my rose colored glasses anyway.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, for us the biggest con is the level of wealth. My DC went to public school through 8th in a pretty wealthy district, but the private is way beyond that. DC has made many comments about how huge classmates' houses are and is very conscious of the fact that a lot (most) of the kids are from much wealthier families than ours, even though we do not get aid.

[Anonymous]

College admissions. If you’re at a top private and aiming high you are going up against all full pay prepped kids and will need a hook to get in.

Exposure to extreme wealth making your kid feel less than - for a few people in each class flying private, second 5mm home etc. is normal.

Feeling obligated to donate above and beyond the 50k we are already paying.

If your kid has an LD there is no support. The teaching and learning center does not support kids with LDs. They do allow Uber wealthy kids to get extended time if they pay for the 5k - 7k private neuropsych testing.

If you are working and not involved in the day to day school and mom friend world that’s cool, but if you want mom friends and to go grab coffee etc it’s cliquey for even the parents. Let’s just meet at Chevy - well you can only do that if you belong to Chevy you twat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No mandate to innovate. Many teachers using approaches and texts that my grandmother probably used. In public school, compared to my DC's private school in grades 4-5, there's more groupwork, more independent work, more emphasis on writing in different genres, more rote work, and less feedback on written work than what my child is getting at private school. I'm shocked that with all that money for PD and such small classes to teach, there's so little innovation. Maybe this is just the one school--I certainly hope I am wrong and am wondering if our choice was the right one.

This. I'm not saying the way they teach is bad- but there's little pressure to keep up with the pedagogy and best practices. I like DD's teachers, but I haven't yet seen the kind of creative, innovative ideas that we saw and see in public. All these kids will be fine and they will go on to good high schools and colleges, so there just isn't the pressure to do better.

Like Lucy calkins? I’m good with oldies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mean girl cliques that your daughter can’t escape from

Although these exist... my daughter and her friends "escape" just fine. I'm actually in awe at how well they handle themselves.... much better than I did at the same age.

...plus, out public is so much worse in this regard

No, privates are much smaller. Some like Sheridan have a single class. Our private had two. DD couldn't escape the abuse from the mean girl component. It happens. So we went public to escape the mean girl syndrome . . . where there are 1600 kids not 40. It's a very real issue in the privates, especially for girls. My DD was bullied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of much racial/ethnic diversity

Lack of economic diversity

Lack of working mothers

More limited opportunities for friendship/more social drama

Re: the lack of racial/ethnic diversity, it depends on where you live. If you live in a W school district in MoCo or a JKLM in DC, you will most definitely find more racial/ethnic diversity and even some more economic diversity due to FA/scholarships in a private. I am AA and plan to send my children to private after a few years in our well regarded public elementary in one of these neighborhoods school so that they can be around more UMC AA children.

You may be right about AAs, but for other races and ethnicities, some of the JKLMs are as diverse than you can get. Far more people from all over the globe at our public ES than any private school around, save WIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Entitled kids who are mean but whose parents are big donors so will never face consequences
Long drive to/from school
Friends live far away

Despite these, it was a net positive for my kids.

+1 Totally worth the inconvenience of the commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private high school for my boys (Freshmen & Junior).

None. They (and we) are very, very happy.

Price, of course, is the only drawback but we didn't pick one of the $40-60k/year ones. We pay that for two each year.

Agreed. We pay $60k X 2 (once all the expenses are added in), and we couldn't be happier with the schools.