Husband too me off life insurance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband just told me that he too me off his life insurance as beneficiary. He basically told me it was b/c I was so unsupportive during his cancer treatment. He said it now all goes to the children.

What kind of cancer and what kind of support did you manage to do?

Sounds like you work and have an empty nest.

[Anonymous]

You need to give permission for him to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he just told you he’s going to file for divorce. Hope that demanding job was worth it.

She was helping support the family. Give her a break. Marriage is a financial partnership by law; not an emotional one.

What a weird response. Fully irrelevant. He is divorcing her because she wasn’t supportive when he needed it.

Well, to be realistic, someone has to pay the bills. Most couples don't have enough in savings for both to just stop working if one becomes ill. Most people have health insurance tied to employment as well.

You can work AND be emotionally there 100%. I don't think you are really suggesting that people can either work or be a physical and emotional support. That's ridiculous. It would be difficult, obviously, to juggle everything, and she'd have needed help. But she makes good money and can prioritize. She prioritized her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is over. Sounds like you weren’t very supportive.

This needs to be talked out. Caretakers of ill people (mentally ill, diseased ill, physically ill) who ALSO work and run the family and children have a TON on their plate logistically, physically, emotionally, etc. They are also dealing with caring for an ill person, the healthcare/insurance/doctor system, and possibly daily treatment schedules for the ill person.
Many individuals would collapse under this or need substantial high quality help and the mean$ to afford it.

What does that even mean “not supportive (enough)”?

My spouse is incapable of being supportive. In all realms. Thus I have other people as PoA, and looped in to help with issues. He’d freeze, he hide at work, he’d hire the first “nurse” he could find on a google search and never speak with them.

Finally, caretaking a grumpy or depressed person is draining. Not all patients are nice and appreciative 24/7, and some are downright hostile. Even your own child, parent or spouse.

Lol not lol. Reminds me of my ex when he attempted to hire and have a nanny. Total free for all. What a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Going forward, make sure you save your earned income in accounts that are in your own name, like your 401k and maybe a brokerage account. Possession is 9/10 of the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going forward, make sure you save your earned income in accounts that are in your own name, like your 401k and maybe a brokerage account. Possession is 9/10 of the law.

Well yeah but when it comes to the divorce settlement everything goes in a big pile and gets divided by two regardless of whose name is on it.

[Anonymous]

Not shocking. Men can and will disappoint you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is over. Sounds like you weren’t very supportive.

This needs to be talked out. Caretakers of ill people (mentally ill, diseased ill, physically ill) who ALSO work and run the family and children have a TON on their plate logistically, physically, emotionally, etc. They are also dealing with caring for an ill person, the healthcare/insurance/doctor system, and possibly daily treatment schedules for the ill person.
Many individuals would collapse under this or need substantial high quality help and the mean$ to afford it.

What does that even mean “not supportive (enough)”?

My spouse is incapable of being supportive. In all realms. Thus I have other people as PoA, and looped in to help with issues. He’d freeze, he hide at work, he’s hire the first “nurse” he could find on a google search and never speak with them.

Finally, caretaking a grumpy or depressed person is draining. Not all patients are nice and appreciative 24/7, and some are downright hostile. Even your own child, parent or spouse.

+1 I'm in the thick of this now following a life-changing diagnosis and all-consuming treatment plan for DS. Unless you have done this yourself, you have no idea how taxing this is on every level for the caregiving spouse. I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained (and we are well-resourced with supportive friends, neighbors, and family around us).

I can't quit my job, as we don't when my DS will be able to return to work. I am doing the absolute best I can to be there for my entire family while still tending to my own health.

I'm sorry, OP. I know what this is like, and I have no doubt that you did the absolute best you could in the circumstances. I hope you can get the closure you are seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going forward, make sure you save your earned income in accounts that are in your own name, like your 401k and maybe a brokerage account. Possession is 9/10 of the law.

Well yeah but when it comes to the divorce settlement everything goes in a big pile and gets divided by two regardless of whose name is on it.

True. I was thinking more about how she can financially prepare for his death since he’s sick. Even in a divorce, I think I’d rather control the accounts going in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not shocking. Men can and will disappoint you.

That was not the lesson I got from this thread. Personally, I found the behavior of the OP, who did not support her husband when she had cancer, extremely disappointing. Should I now say that women can and will disappoint you?

[Anonymous]

OP, putting aside the life insurance issue, do you think that you could have been more supportive in any way during your husband's cancer treatment? Is this the first time you've gotten this feedback from your husband? Or has this been an ongoing issue?

Do you love your husband?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the marriage is over, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going forward, make sure you save your earned income in accounts that are in your own name, like your 401k and maybe a brokerage account. Possession is 9/10 of the law.

Well yeah but when it comes to the divorce settlement everything goes in a big pile and gets divided by two regardless of whose name is on it.

Not in Maryland. If he is disabled, the split may not be 50-50 and the court may order lifetime alimony.

[Anonymous]

He sounds deeply entitled, immature and ungrateful. I would start looking for someone who wants an equal partner and not a nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to give permission for him to do this.

Definitely not true. My parents were married in name only but had no relationship for a long time. When my mom got terminal cancer she changed it to 50/50 me and my sister. We did not tell my dad. Life insurance didn’t care and paid out without issue. I think people are confusing life insurance with 401k which requires spousal notification (but not permission.)

Even if OP’s state requires notification, he notified her. He does not need her permission.