What’s the worst thing another mother ever said to you?

[Anonymous]

How much did it cost you to buy your daughter? (DD is adopted). From neighbor. Every time I think I might like her vs just distant politeness I think of that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Small talk upon meeting a group of moms when DC1 was in K, getting to know each other, another mom asked me what I do, briefly stated my profession, asked her same, she starting staying home after her first child when she decided not to return to teaching for financial reasons and also - "they are only young once, it goes by so fast, and I decided I should be there for my children." I have since gotten to know her and consider her a casual friend, think it was an insensitive choice of words, but it came at a terrible time where I was working because I had no other choice, feeling so conflicted about it, and it was so hurtful.

I understand your hurt at the time but this is a VERY COMMON line of thought amongst teachers since they are oriented towards kids. So when they have their own, they sometimes decide to stay home bc they would be doing double kid duty. Sorry it hit you in that way.

[Anonymous]

A total stranger came up to me at the grocery store and asked what race my children are (they are biracial and I am not). My children could hear her and I felt rude not answering her. So I told her something about how they look like my DH and walked away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so nice of you to look after your granddaughter…

(She’s mine)

Someone asked me if I was the grandmother of my son I had at 33. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

My oldest has Down Syndrome and once another mother to me during a conversation, “I was so impressed you kept the pregnancy. But then I remember you’re from Texas so probably didn’t have the choice.”

I was just shocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much did it cost you to buy your daughter? (DD is adopted). From neighbor. Every time I think I might like her vs just distant politeness I think of that

What a B. That is so terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Small talk upon meeting a group of moms when DC1 was in K, getting to know each other, another mom asked me what I do, briefly stated my profession, asked her same, she starting staying home after her first child when she decided not to return to teaching for financial reasons and also - "they are only young once, it goes by so fast, and I decided I should be there for my children." I have since gotten to know her and consider her a casual friend, think it was an insensitive choice of words, but it came at a terrible time where I was working because I had no other choice, feeling so conflicted about it, and it was so hurtful.

I had this happen to me in reverse back when I was a SAHM. I had a friend say "I could never stay at home with a toddler -- kids that age should be with someone who has training in early childhood development." And another used to say all the time "I'm so glad I'm working so my daughter sees me working." These things were hard to hear when I was staying home with my kid -- made feel somehow selfish and inadequate.

But I see now how much of what women say to each other in those situations is really just stuff they are saying to themselves, to deal with their own conflicted feelings about either working or staying home. There's no right answer and no perfect approach to motherhood.

Yeah I understand this now too. I’ve worked and my toddler girls did not see me work at the time. They experienced being dropped off at care and then being picked up at the end of the day. They never “saw me” work, what they saw was me surviving and doing my best and trying to make things the best at home as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest has Down Syndrome and once another mother to me during a conversation, “I was so impressed you kept the pregnancy. But then I remember you’re from Texas so probably didn’t have the choice.”

I was just shocked.

Wow. Ding we have a winner! What did you say?!?!?

[Anonymous]

“I’m so glad I met you! All these other moms in the neighborhood are like 40 years old. I have nothing in common with the supe old moms”.

Yep, you guessed it. I am an apparently young looking (thanks for that compliment, I guess?) but actually super duper old (almost 42) mom of toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest has Down Syndrome and once another mother to me during a conversation, “I was so impressed you kept the pregnancy. But then I remember you’re from Texas so probably didn’t have the choice.”

I was just shocked.

Omg. I’m so sorry. That is unspeakably rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will you be room mother?

What does this entail? Not in school yet

I cannot even speak to it. Just don’t do it. No one will ever be happy no matter what you do. Pace yourself with the volunteering - you’ve got 12 years!

Oh, it’s fine but really best for SAHM or part time worker. You get to go to all the class parties and get to know the teacher very well. You basically plan the class parties, collect donations for the class parties or teacher gift, do a signup genius for various parent volunteer things for the class. That’s it. I e never ever heard of anyone giving the class parents a hard time about anything. What would you even say? “I disagree with the implementation of the mummy game at the class Halloween party? And why was monster mash not played? Can it truly be a party without monster mash?” Who would do that sort of thing?

Yes the room parents at my daycare collect money (winter holidays) and teacher appreciation week and plan other teacher appreciation things. I don’t think they get a hard time. I do recall though feeling like I should volunteer but gave myself a reality check that as a solo mom who has difficulties getting all my own household administrative stuff done adding on organizational duties was not a good idea. I decided to let the married parents volunteer first (and fortunately my room had 3 volunteers (out of 8 children). I

[Anonymous]

From a SAHM in DC’s class: “[DC’s name] probably wouldn’t be dyslexic if you stayed home and raised him yourself. Do you ever think about staying home?”

She probably knew DC was dyslexic by snooping inappropriately as a classroom volunteer. I had never told her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a child psychiatrist and had a one year old child when I started my two year fellowship.
Once, in the middle of the lecture, the lecturer paused to ask me how my child was dealing with the trauma of my taking overnight calls.

Fellow child psychiatrist mom here. I had a social worker in my clinic ask me how could I possibly go to work and leave my then 1 year old in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest has Down Syndrome and once another mother to me during a conversation, “I was so impressed you kept the pregnancy. But then I remember you’re from Texas so probably didn’t have the choice.”

I was just shocked.

Wow. Ding we have a winner! What did you say?!?!?

I was more shocked than mad so I stupidly explained our situation. We didn’t know DD had Down Syndrome till shortly after birth. I was young when I had her and didn’t even think it was a possibility. Looking back if I had known, we’d probably make the decision to have her in our lives.

This mom was a Mean Girl but very charismatic. She had this way of saying such nasty things in a tone that felt friendly. She was also a massive gaslighter and calling her out would have resulted in me being the bad guy.

Just ended that friendship quickly.

[Anonymous]

You all are fortunate if that has been the worst said to you.