First overnight trip with new boyfriend and I'm nervous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing you haven't had kids, OP. Has he?
Honestly, either way, no one expects you to look 20 when you're 40. Your boyfriend is actively choosing to be with you. Focus on that. He could be anywhere but he is spending the weekend with YOU. You got this, you hot, interesting, fun woman!

Yeah, I was also wondering who will be watching the kids.

I wasn't wondering about who might be watching any kids, but guessing OP hasn't been humbled by the experience of birthing a child and coming to accept and even be proud of her body. I find I am so much more confident now in my saggy boobs, round tummy, etc, than I ever was when I objectively looked amazing.

It's all really so much more about confidence than our various imperfections, which the right person will actually find attractive.

OP: we both have kids who will be with their other parent this weekend. I am confident in my body as I'm very active and my bf tells me all the time that he finds me "insanely attractive", hot, gorgeous, etc. However, dating after divorce is kind of weird. My exH used to call me terrible names and that I had a brain the size of a pea, so I think that took a toll.

Understandable. This is a moment where you feel like he’ll be seeing you — the real you — so you feel vulnerable. The thing is, if he doesn’t like you after that, he’s not the one for you. You know that. So this is a test of him, not of you. Be yourself, and if he loves the total package then it’s on. If he doesn’t then nevermind. He’s not perfect either, trust me. And I’m sure he also feels vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

My first trip away with my now husband also kind of sucked. We were in NYC and the hotel, unbeknownst to us, was under construction so it was super loud and not very romantic. And he was acting weird. He got kind of drunk (he doesn't really drink either) and bought a taxidermied duck (wtf?!) off a street vendor which he then left in the hotel room (I actually saw that he left it and didn't say anything since I was sure it had mites or something). He also broke up with me a few days later.

We've been married for 15 years now though.

[Anonymous]

For my first trip with my bf, the hotel room bathroom had a sliding door that, when closed, had a a one inch gap out from the wall. And no fan. I ate a bunch of pepto and ran the hair dryer every time I peed.

I join you all on this crazy train.

(We've been together over a year now)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first trip away with my now husband also kind of sucked. We were in NYC and the hotel, unbeknownst to us, was under construction so it was super loud and not very romantic. And he was acting weird. He got kind of drunk (he doesn't really drink either) and bought a taxidermied duck (wtf?!) off a street vendor which he then left in the hotel room (I actually saw that he left it and didn't say anything since I was sure it had mites or something). He also broke up with me a few days later.

We've been married for 15 years now though.

Lol at these stories. I’m the PP with the disaster of a first trip. We arrived at our destination at 9pm, which was actually 3am in our home city. He wanted to walk around and explore that night and I just wanted to get some sleep. We did walk around a little and by the time we went to bed it was midnight (6am). Then the next morning, he was like a kid at Christmas waking me up at 5am again (10am) wanting to go see the sunrise. I said I wanted to go back to sleep but he wouldn’t let me and I think I wanted to kick him out of the room right then. But that pretty much started our trip on the wrong foot and it kind of went downhill from there. At the end of the trip, we actually got in a huge fight and almost broke up! But we have been married for 15yrs now.

[Anonymous]

This is an opportunity to be you and see if he's the right partner for you. Don't hold back. Live how you'd normally live. These are the times you'll learn the most about how compatible you guys really are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My first trip away with my now husband also kind of sucked. We were in NYC and the hotel, unbeknownst to us, was under construction so it was super loud and not very romantic. And he was acting weird. He got kind of drunk (he doesn't really drink either) and bought a taxidermied duck (wtf?!) off a street vendor which he then left in the hotel room (I actually saw that he left it and didn't say anything since I was sure it had mites or something). He also broke up with me a few days later.

We've been married for 15 years now though.

Lol at these stories. I’m the PP with the disaster of a first trip. We arrived at our destination at 9pm, which was actually 3am in our home city. He wanted to walk around and explore that night and I just wanted to get some sleep. We did walk around a little and by the time we went to bed it was midnight (6am). Then the next morning, he was like a kid at Christmas waking me up at 5am again (10am) wanting to go see the sunrise. I said I wanted to go back to sleep but he wouldn’t let me and I think I wanted to kick him out of the room right then. But that pretty much started our trip on the wrong foot and it kind of went downhill from there. At the end of the trip, we actually got in a huge fight and almost broke up! But we have been married for 15yrs now.

It was actually 6hrs ahead so I got the times mixed up:
Arrived 9pm (3pm)
Bed at midnight (6pm)
Woke up at 5a (11pm)
Checked out 11a (6a) bc we were moving on to the next city later that evening. Ugh. Horrible planning.

Anyway it did some kind of weird thing to his system, and he basically was like a zombie the rest of the trip who could barely talk, let alone navigate 3 cities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sleep with make up on?!

op: when he stays over, yes.

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me sad for women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad for women

Agree. There is a lot to unpack here and all of it is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad for women

+1. Come on, ladies. In your 40s you haven’t realized that men don’t care about any of this? You wear makeup for you and other women. He probably doesn’t even notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was nervous about these things too for our first trip together with my DH, I think it's normal. But I bet you care a lot more about this stuff than your boyfriend does, so don't let your worries sidetrack you from having fun and enjoying your trip. FWIW our first trip was a disaster lol, but we are still together.

op: thank you. Good to hear. Why was it a disaster?

Yeah I was nervous about all the things - stinky poops, farting in my sleep, and just spending so much time together all at once. But he didn't care about any of those things, even though I was mortified.

It wasn't a disaster for any of those reasons though - it was because it was a poorly planned trip, and he had a really bad reaction to the time difference - his brain shut down and he was loopy for days and I had to babysit him.

I also had a bad first trip with my now-husband. We were just friends at the time and he got super drunk and threw up in the bushes at a Subway, propositioned the man and woman behind the counter, and stole the money in the charity donation box. I never saw him that drunk again and we've been together for 27 years.

OP should get her BF drunk so he will do some stupid sh1t and then she won’t need to worry about pooping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad for women

+1. Come on, ladies. In your 40s you haven’t realized that men don’t care about any of this? You wear makeup for you and other women. He probably doesn’t even notice.

+1000! I prefer little or no makeup on women. Especially as they age. Lots of makeup rarely looks good when close up unless applied by a professional.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t worry about how I look in the morning. I don’t wear a lot of makeup so there isn’t a big difference except for mussed up hair. Not to brag but after the prior nights sex I think they are ok with how I look. I’m a part time personal trainer so my body still looks good for a 48 YO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you've dated for 4 months and haven't farted or pooped around each other. You guys need to loosen up.

Also, most men love women best when they're less dolled up and more natural. They're not naive about how aging works.

I have been with DH for over 25 years and we have never farted around each other. We have also never pooped around each other. Have some class.

[Anonymous]

Do. not. compromise your skin by even once, going to bed w/out properly taking off every speck of your makeup 💄 off.

Sleeping w/day old makeup on not only ages your skin - but will also give you pimples as well as bags under your eyes.