It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.

SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual

She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.

I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.

I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.

70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:

Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!

My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.

Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.

Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?

No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.

Do you have anyone in your family with dementia? Interacted on a routine basis before and after? It’s not an on-off switch; they call Alzheimer’s, for example, the long slow goodbye for a reason.

Come on. Alzheimers isn't everyone's story. Assuming all people over a certain age have a form of dementia is ridiculous. I have a friend who had it at 52. It's a disease not a mandate.

Why assume a person who talks about a friend or lsundry has dementia? That is ageist.

That’s not the full story that OP is telling. Not sure why you aren’t hearing that.

Did you actually read the comment this is replying to? It isn't OP that is being responded to. Let me walk you through this. There's a little link above the comment that is all the previous content. You need to press it. This has changed recently by the admin so that we don't have pages and pages of repeated comments as quotes.

Well I wrote the comment that this is responding to. So yes. OP is complaining more than just listening to stories about laundry. Her mother does not respond to and interrupts her questions and comments. Her mother is not able to have a dialogue. I’ll spare us both and trust you know how to go back and find the updates.

Look, you are major confused. Not responding to OP's comment. Give up.

[Anonymous]

Your mother is bored and wants to talk about her life. She apparently doesn't have friends who she can just shoot the breeze with, so she does that with you. If you want to have less of this, then you should help your mother find activities and/or friends with whom she can share her life with and she will do less of this with you. So, if plan a visit to your mother. Take her to activities that you think she will enjoy that she might be able to meet friends similar to her who she can socialize with.

But there is no rude way to tell a lonely person that you aren't interested in hearing about their lives. All that will do is make her feel more lonely and cut off from the world. If you had a normal upbringing, you owe your mother at least your attention to her chit chat, however uninterested you are in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.

SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual

She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.

I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.

I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.

I mean this is it, OP. This is where your mom is. This isn't really a dialogue now. Just let her get everything out. Part of the problem seems to be that you are expecting something different. Think of her like a child or someone whose brain is no longer 100% functional. You may feel softer.

As an aside, I am fully in the count your blessings camp. I love when my mom goes on about the neighbors. Less time to criticize me!

Her brain in no longer functional? Because she talks about her friends? What on earth is wrong with everyone here? Just stop...you all sound like narcissistic idiots.

I would say that the person who talks for 15 straight minutes, interrupts the other person who tries to speak, doesn't listen to the other person's contribution, and fails to ask anything about her adult daughter who is on the phone could be the narcissist. Or an old person whose gray matter is going.

Agree with this. Any person who regularly talks for 15 mins without stopping, and doesn't engage with the others in the conversation is likely someone who is extremely self centered, at best. OP, has your mother always been like this, or is it a newer development?

[Anonymous]

"Mom, did you know that prior to the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic, the Customs and Border Patrol (CBP) processed all apprehended migrants under Title 8 of the U.S. code (immigration law). In FY2020, the Trump Administration responded to the global pandemic by invoking the emergency authority of Title 42 (public health law). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an order allowing CBP to expel arriving migrants promptly with limited recourse to immigration relief such as asylum. While apprehended and removed border crossers can face civil and criminal consequences for illegal U.S. reentry under Title 8, expelled border crossers face no such consequences under Title 42 should they attempt to reenter the United States; reportedly, many do attempt reentry. In FY2021, CBP expelled 85% of all single adult migrants, 28% of all family units, and 3% of all unaccompanied children.

Measures of migration levels and border enforcement activity appear in publicly available statistics on migrants apprehended by CBP’s U.S. Border Patrol (USBP). This report reviews USBP data on enforcement actions with migrants at the Southwest border. In past years, apprehensions under Title 8 represented all of USBP’s enforcement activity. Since March 2020, CBP has been separately reporting both apprehensions under Title 8 and expulsions under Title 42, referring to them jointly as encounters."

This will either create a lively policy debate, or you will hear over the phone your mother softly snoring...