Baby shower and family relationships

[Anonymous]

OP - I’m so sorry for your losses - I can only imagine the trauma and grief you’re experiencing.

To your SIL: Even more horrendous than your SIL being so insensitive as to ask you in the first place is the pressure she’s putting on you to say yes. What a terrible human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL’s mother thinks it’s tacky for a direct relative to host but it not tacky to ask a woman who just lost 2 babies to plan a freaking BABY shower?
WTF?

The really ironic thing is that OP IS a direct relative of the baby’s father.

[Anonymous]

You're relatives are awful, I wouldn't even think of asking someone to host a baby shower who went through what you've gone through. I'd also be understanding if you didn't want to attend and struggled to be around the baby. They need to wake up and get some empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe they don’t understand! Can your mom do it?

This is my thought as well. Or perhaps another cousin? This seems like much too big of an ask for the OP to try to do. Hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe they don’t understand! Can your mom do it?

Thank you. I wish our mom could host, but she's eight hours away.

I think one of SIL's friends should host the shower, but she claims that no one else has the space necessary.

I think it's a little weird that she is coordinating her own shower like this, but perhaps my feelings that this is weird are not fair because of how strong all of my emotions are at this time.

Then she needs to get a private room at a restaurant. I'm sorry but they are asking too much of you, OP.

[Anonymous]

They are vile people.

[Anonymous]

No one should ASK anyone to host a shower, period. That is something people offer.

I'm sorry OP - they are 100% wrong and you shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt or remorse. Stand firm and don't cave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL’s mother thinks it’s tacky for a direct relative to host but it not tacky to ask a woman who just lost 2 babies to plan a freaking BABY shower?
WTF?

The really ironic thing is that OP IS a direct relative of the baby’s father.

I know. I've never understood that etiquette "rule" either.

[Anonymous]

OP you did nothing wrong. It was appalling that you were even asked given the circumstances. I am deeply sorry for your losses. Do not stress another minute about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This one isn’t your job to repair. Truly, those are horrific losses. If she can’t see that, she’s a jerk.


I’m sorry for your losses. I can only imagine the trauma involved. You do not need to be hosting baby showers right now. Hugs to you OP.

100% with you op. It’s was incredibly rude for your SIL to ask you to host a shower for her. What is wrong with her???? To call you selfish? Just no. Not sure if want to repair this relationship.

[Anonymous]

This is so clearly SIL’s fault that I can’t believe it’s true.

Even if OP hadn’t experienced any losses, SIL would have been in the wrong to ask for a shower and even more in the wrong to be upset about a no. The losses just push everything further into horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL’s mother thinks it’s tacky for a direct relative to host but it not tacky to ask a woman who just lost 2 babies to plan a freaking BABY shower?
WTF?

The really ironic thing is that OP IS a direct relative of the baby’s father.

I know. I've never understood that etiquette "rule" either.

Well-off women were bored. They made these rules to entertain themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, my heart goes out to you.

Your SIL & BIL are selfish jerks and if you like, I will call them and let them know how awful they are.

Also she’s tacky… you’re not supposed to ask someone to host your shower. How rude, classless, and insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe they don’t understand! Can your mom do it?

Thank you. I wish our mom could host, but she's eight hours away.

I think one of SIL's friends should host the shower, but she claims that no one else has the space necessary.

I think it's a little weird that she is coordinating her own shower like this, but perhaps my feelings that this is weird are not fair because of how strong all of my emotions are at this time.

Then she needs to get a private room at a restaurant. I'm sorry but they are asking too much of you, OP.

+1

There are plenty of ways to do it.