Hospice for not terminally ill parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. What I am looking for is for something to hasten parent to the end. They are in assisted living, on an anti-depressant, regular visits from family, lots of options for meals and activities. But....
Cannot enjoy life at all, unsafe without walker, doesn't participate in any activities, repeats the same complaints about the other residents, staff, over and over, is more demented each week (at this point only knows name, and lives in AL, but disoriented to date/year/time of day, more delusional). Being treated for UTI, but still not getting better mentally. Incontinent--and fighting wearing "diapers"--this has been going on for years. Anyway, if pain was an issue, Hospice can give narcs until you lapse into a coma and pass. So, honestly, parent needs a merciful end.
It's a shame we have spend our last years in such a state. I don't know.

So you want someone to kill her?

[Anonymous]

Not the PP but it is ironic (sad? tragic?) that my very Catholic mother, who never had much to say about current events, railed against Dr. Kevorkian - Dr "Death" when he was in the new. And now she asks us to help her die.

We kids are talking about palliative sedation and are trying to decide whether to tell her that it is an option.

[Anonymous]

Would never let hospice in the door after what we went through with our loved one. I have heard others benefitted from this but that was not our experience.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Other parent was in hospice for terminal cancer, and I would say death was brought on faster than without it. Pretty much became comatose within a day of starting subq morphine. Once that happens dehydration comes on and death within a week. Would have never expected death that soon without the hospice morphine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would never let hospice in the door after what we went through with our loved one. I have heard others benefitted from this but that was not our experience.

What was your experience? In this area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would never let hospice in the door after what we went through with our loved one. I have heard others benefitted from this but that was not our experience.

What was your experience? In this area?

Impersonal, unreliable, pushed pain meds unnecessarily, and hastened death. Added nothing. Basically they provide the bed, supplies, and pain meds. You have a nurse check in once a week--with doctor via video recently instead of in person. They have people come 2 times a week to provide bathing, etc. A chaplain is assigned--which was not needed since we already had a pastor.

[Anonymous]

In all honesty, it seems like your Mother is in the life stage that we all dread.

The “waiting to die” stage.

Your Mother knows all her best days are behind her.
She is realistic about that.
She knows she will never feel better - that things will only go downhill more + more as time marches on.
Who could blame her for feeling depressed?
Anyone would.

It is probably humiliating living the shadow of a life that she is.
I hope I never get that old where I am just suffering on a daily basis as well as bringing down my family along w/me.

You and your Mother have my utmost sympathy OP.
I hope you can find a perfect solution to where peace is the end result. 🫂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all honesty, it seems like your Mother is in the life stage that we all dread.

The “waiting to die” stage.

Your Mother knows all her best days are behind her.
She is realistic about that.
She knows she will never feel better - that things will only go downhill more + more as time marches on.
Who could blame her for feeling depressed?
Anyone would.

It is probably humiliating living the shadow of a life that she is.
I hope I never get that old where I am just suffering on a daily basis as well as bringing down my family along w/me.

You and your Mother have my utmost sympathy OP.
I hope you can find a perfect solution to where peace is the end result. 🫂

Thank you. This is really what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. What I am looking for is for something to hasten parent to the end. They are in assisted living, on an anti-depressant, regular visits from family, lots of options for meals and activities. But....
Cannot enjoy life at all, unsafe without walker, doesn't participate in any activities, repeats the same complaints about the other residents, staff, over and over, is more demented each week (at this point only knows name, and lives in AL, but disoriented to date/year/time of day, more delusional). Being treated for UTI, but still not getting better mentally. Incontinent--and fighting wearing "diapers"--this has been going on for years. Anyway, if pain was an issue, Hospice can give narcs until you lapse into a coma and pass. So, honestly, parent needs a merciful end.
It's a shame we have spend our last years in such a state. I don't know.

OP, I think it's hard for many people to see their parents like this, and I'm sure many people experiencing it would not choose it for themselves. But wanting to hasten an elderly person's death is illegal.

Do you have a therapist or support group you can talk to about your feelings?

No WANTING to hasten a death is not illegal. Doing it would be illegal, but not wanting it. Geez.

Ok, fine, but did you read the post? The very first sentence is OP looking to find a way to hasten death. Wants to do it and is looking for a way to do it.

Maybe instead of arguing semantics, reflect on what OP is saying. They need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like situational depression or boredom. I don't blame them. Maybe some changes might improve their mood.

STFU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. What I am looking for is for something to hasten parent to the end. They are in assisted living, on an anti-depressant, regular visits from family, lots of options for meals and activities. But....
Cannot enjoy life at all, unsafe without walker, doesn't participate in any activities, repeats the same complaints about the other residents, staff, over and over, is more demented each week (at this point only knows name, and lives in AL, but disoriented to date/year/time of day, more delusional). Being treated for UTI, but still not getting better mentally. Incontinent--and fighting wearing "diapers"--this has been going on for years. Anyway, if pain was an issue, Hospice can give narcs until you lapse into a coma and pass. So, honestly, parent needs a merciful end.
It's a shame we have spend our last years in such a state. I don't know.

So you want someone to kill her?

Wow. You are not taking care of your parent enough.

If your parent is getting a uti, thre is a good chance they are making her sit in wet diapers. Which is probably why she does t want to wear them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, I am a horrible daughter that wants to have her mom murdered. Happy now, jerks that have nothing better to do than make ridiculous comments about this situation?
1) wanting a legal (hospice) way to hasten death is being merciful.
2) she’s not sitting around in wet diapers ffs. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the mean girls. My mother died painlessly of a UTI that turned septic. Was not a bad way to go, however, she was not demented. Her body was worn out with obesity and diabetes. Anyway, we are unwilling to talk about death in this country due to religious nut jobs and cultural taboos. I hope things will be better when I’m old and sick. Hang in there. Care for yourself. Pay people to help. Sending hugs.

[Anonymous]

yeah, I am pro hospice exactly because I know that the whole point, dressed up in fluffy language, is to give them enough morphine that they will be out of it, unafraid, and pass quickly. Otherwise, it is entirely possible for a dying human to linger on and on and suffer, even without extraordinary medical help.

There's no way to pretty any of this stuff up. You are truly picking your poison once you get to a certain state.

[Anonymous]

You have all my sympathies, OP. We’re in the same boat except it is my MIL. She is also 90, in diapers, and needs an organ transplant that she will not get. Hanging on to life in severe pain and discomfort and very depressed understandably but death has to happen naturally. Life sucks until then. We treat our pets better.