Any estate executor nightmares? Hoping to not feel so alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

Why was the executor beneficiary of the life insurance policies? Was she dependent on your MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

Why was the executor beneficiary of the life insurance policies? Was she dependent on your MIL?

OP here. Not sure why. We didn't even know elderly mother lad life insurance BC she was so elderly. Policies were like 30k total. Daughywas sole beneficiary. When we gave her the policy documents and said here is the life insurance documents, she quickly put it away and wouldn't review it on front of us. We think that was weird. But looking back I think she knew about them and that she was sole beneficiary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

Why was the executor beneficiary of the life insurance policies? Was she dependent on your MIL?

OP here. Not sure why. We didn't even know elderly mother lad life insurance BC she was so elderly. Policies were like 30k total. Daughywas sole beneficiary. When we gave her the policy documents and said here is the life insurance documents, she quickly put it away and wouldn't review it on front of us. We think that was weird. But looking back I think she knew about them and that she was sole beneficiary.

It can seem unfair, but beneficiaries are entitled to life insurance proceeds, and it's generally considered separate from the rest of the estate. Are there other assets? Sorry that the SIL is making things more difficult than they need to be. It sounds frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

Why was the executor beneficiary of the life insurance policies? Was she dependent on your MIL?

OP here. Not sure why. We didn't even know elderly mother lad life insurance BC she was so elderly. Policies were like 30k total. Daughywas sole beneficiary. When we gave her the policy documents and said here is the life insurance documents, she quickly put it away and wouldn't review it on front of us. We think that was weird. But looking back I think she knew about them and that she was sole beneficiary.

Is there any chance at all that she was exerting undue influence over your MIL? Has your lawyer discussed this possibility with you?

The whole situation does seem odd and reminds me of a situation with my cousins where one of the siblings hauled the elderly mother into a lawyer’s office and got himself named sole executor, all the while proclaiming that he didn’t want to be sole executor, but the mother had insisted. And then, after my aunt died, he proceeded to make a mess of the estate and essentially used it as his own bank account, clearing out all the assets so that his siblings got next to nothing at the end. The probate court couldn’t do anything about it because he had just taken almost everything he could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am op who originally posted in Jan and was surprised to see post got revived. Thanks all. To update, 8 months later we are still at square 1, waiting resolution. Our lawyer keeps pinging executor etc. We are at nearly 7 years on. We were at a family reunion a month or so ago. We say her and said hello, made a little group small talk with her. Small talk from us was about safe subjects like how's work, the weather, summer vacation plans etc. So it wouldn't be awkward. She seemed very uncomfortable and wouldn't make eye contact much and spent the rest of the reunion at the other side of the room. Not a good sign. I'm very discouraged and frustrated with our lawyer too. Our lawyer said she's stonewalling even him.

If someone steals 40k from your family, among other things, and then you make small talk about weather when meeting that person, so that 'it wouldn't be awkward', then you're really beyond being helped. You're greatly contributing to your miserable situation.

Take some responsibility, and take proper action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am op who originally posted in Jan and was surprised to see post got revived. Thanks all. To update, 8 months later we are still at square 1, waiting resolution. Our lawyer keeps pinging executor etc. We are at nearly 7 years on. We were at a family reunion a month or so ago. We say her and said hello, made a little group small talk with her. Small talk from us was about safe subjects like how's work, the weather, summer vacation plans etc. So it wouldn't be awkward. She seemed very uncomfortable and wouldn't make eye contact much and spent the rest of the reunion at the other side of the room. Not a good sign. I'm very discouraged and frustrated with our lawyer too. Our lawyer said she's stonewalling even him.

If someone steals 40k from your family, among other things, and then you make small talk about weather when meeting that person, so that 'it wouldn't be awkward', then you're really beyond being helped. You're greatly contributing to your miserable situation.

Take some responsibility, and take proper action.

This is a bit harsh. I can’t imagine how frustrating this situation must be for OP and her husband.

OP, has your husband asked the lawyer what steps you all can take to get your money back and also get the estate settled? There has to be something that can be done here. Have you looked at the website of the probate court where the will is being probated? You should be able to see everything she has filed. Also, there might be info on there that could be useful for you all.

Also, what is happening with the property that you all paid the mortgage on? Is it sitting empty? Is it being maintained?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am op who originally posted in Jan and was surprised to see post got revived. Thanks all. To update, 8 months later we are still at square 1, waiting resolution. Our lawyer keeps pinging executor etc. We are at nearly 7 years on. We were at a family reunion a month or so ago. We say her and said hello, made a little group small talk with her. Small talk from us was about safe subjects like how's work, the weather, summer vacation plans etc. So it wouldn't be awkward. She seemed very uncomfortable and wouldn't make eye contact much and spent the rest of the reunion at the other side of the room. Not a good sign. I'm very discouraged and frustrated with our lawyer too. Our lawyer said she's stonewalling even him.

If someone steals 40k from your family, among other things, and then you make small talk about weather when meeting that person, so that 'it wouldn't be awkward', then you're really beyond being helped. You're greatly contributing to your miserable situation.

Take some responsibility, and take proper action.

I really have to agree with this. I would be telling my lawyer, no more letting her stonewall. It’s time to get serious and treat her like a third party who is holding your assets illegally. You making small talk chitchat with her and not pursing this fully is only letting it go on. This is NEVER going to resolve without getting aggressive about it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your husband didn't get anything in the will, maybe it all went to your SIL. Maybe that's why she's uncomfortable being around him.

If she got the life insurance money, not sure why she needed $40K from her brother. She's played the two of you.

[Anonymous]

If someone steals 40k from your family, among other things, and then you make small talk about weather when meeting that person, so that 'it wouldn't be awkward', then you're really beyond being helped. You're greatly contributing to your miserable situation.

+1 The act of stealing 40k from your sibling is 'awkward', not the talking about said theft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

In some states the executor is required to provide an accounting within thirty days of a request. Can you check with your lawyer about this?

Op's lack of details makes me think this post is fake. There are actions that can be taken and she's basically saying nothing has been done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

In some states the executor is required to provide an accounting within thirty days of a request. Can you check with your lawyer about this?

Op's lack of details makes me think this post is fake. There are actions that can be taken and she's basically saying nothing has been done.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

In some states the executor is required to provide an accounting within thirty days of a request. Can you check with your lawyer about this?

Op's lack of details makes me think this post is fake. There are actions that can be taken and she's basically saying nothing has been done.

+1

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am op who originally posted in Jan and was surprised to see post got revived. Thanks all. To update, 8 months later we are still at square 1, waiting resolution. Our lawyer keeps pinging executor etc. We are at nearly 7 years on. We were at a family reunion a month or so ago. We say her and said hello, made a little group small talk with her. Small talk from us was about safe subjects like how's work, the weather, summer vacation plans etc. So it wouldn't be awkward. She seemed very uncomfortable and wouldn't make eye contact much and spent the rest of the reunion at the other side of the room. Not a good sign. I'm very discouraged and frustrated with our lawyer too. Our lawyer said she's stonewalling even him.

Wait. It has been 8 months and your are still not getting any information. You need to go find another lawyer and not an estate/probate lawyer but one with a focus on estate litigation. There is absolutely no reason she should be stonewalling the lawyer at this point and the lawyer not having taken action to bring the issue before the court's attention (obviously I don't know the state and each one has its own nuances). But, if this was going on in a DMV jurisdiction, the court would likely want to know why this matter is still going on. Estates can linger for many years because of numerous reasons but a house and stocks ain't one of them.

Her actions demonstrate fraudulent behavior and likely stealing much of the inheritance.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Someone accused me of posting a fake post. I wish this were not real but it is. 7 years. It took my husband nearly 5 years to consider contacting a lawyer. He was in denial and devastated and thought she'd come around. My husband made a huge mistake lending estate 40k. I earned him at the time but he told me family doesn't do that to each other and that it will all be ok. Our lawyer is not pushy so I think we need to have a convo with lawyer again or get a more aggressive lawyer. This has been so incredibly stressful on DH that he just doesn't want to deal with it. I told him once, should we drop it and walk away. He refused to walk away, which is fine. But he's still playing with kid gloves. I would have handled it a lot more different. It's ridiculous. I need resolution asap
Even if the answer is "all the money is gone", at least we will no. Will do ides up estate equally with exception of insurance policy.