Any estate executor nightmares? Hoping to not feel so alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her to transfer $40k of stocks from the estate to your account.

If OP expects to inherit half the estate, this isn't a full pay-back of OP's money. OP is basically paying herself back $20K, with SIL paying the other $20K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother in law died 6 years ago. Her daughter, my SIL was sole executor. The estate was messy BC late MIL was sloppy with paperwork. A year after MIL death, estate was no where to being settled and MIL house was getting into foreclosure. We got a panicked call from SIL executor asking us to lend the estate 40k to get the bank off the back. I was very hesitant but my husband (brother of executor) said he trusted his sister. We lent the estate 40k by paying off the note. Five years later the SIL executor still has not settled estate, has not sold stocks etc , does not share information and is generally hiding and avoiding us. We have no idea of the state if anything. She'd give us the runaround these past few years where she would say that something was in probate and one more form was needed. But nothing ever came to closure. I asked my husband starting about two years ago to hire a lawyer to represent us. Three months ago we finally did and now our lawyer is the only one talking to her. We are officially estranged now and it broke my hubby's heart that his sister would screw him. He wouldn't hire a lawyer earlier BC he thought that his sister just needed more time. (Denial, which he openly admits now). Our lawyer has been having a hard time getting any info from executor and frankly we don't think we'll ever get 40k back. At this point we just want closure. Our lawyer has to start subpoena-ing documents etc. He said he's never seen an estate so mismanaged. We don't want to sink too much money into a lawyer if there is nothing there. So right now he is just trying to get a handle on seeing if there is anything left and what our best course is. The emotional stress is huge too, although we have now accepted the fact that my SIL is dishonest.

The sick thing is, is that she's such a hypocrite. She goes to church weekly and is always posting cliche things on social.media "do unto others", and other bs. For a little history she has always been secretive and everyone sighed when we found out she was executor. But my hubby was naieve to trust her. Frankly we will just cut our losses and never speak to her again. His other two siblings are horrified and disgusted. They have tried talking to her but she gives them the same vague answers and runaround. They do t really talk to her anymore.

People suck. You just don't really think at the end if the day that family would screw you. 40k is a lot to me on a teacher salary.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. Six years is a long time to be dealing with probate.

In the spirit of “you’re not alone,” I will tell you that I am in a similar situation of an executor who is either very disorganized or possibly playing a little fast and loose with my deceased parent’s assets- we are not sure which it is. It’s only been a little over a year since our parent passed away, so not as bad as your situation, but it is very odd to not be able to get any information as to what is going on with the probate process.

My sibling who is executor also tried to get money from the other siblings to pay for expenses of the estate, but luckily, we all turned her down- primarily because we don’t have extra money lying around. It is difficult to know that one sibling is possibly taking advantage of the others, but it is what we have to deal with. Hope things get better for you very soon, and also hope my sibling either does her job or admits she’s overwhelmed and let’s her other siblings give her a hand.

[Anonymous]

Can only hope she was bonded but a lot of time the will waives that, unfortunately. Sounds like she's been using the estate assets.

[Anonymous]

Put a lien on the house.

[Anonymous]

One note on terminology - at least in MD, “small estate” has a legal definition and it’s very low, either $30k or $50k total assets (I apologize that exact amount isn’t coming to mind). But in either case, this is not legally a small estate but a regular one.

Good luck, OP. I am an only child. When I was settling my mom’s estate, all the legal, tax, bank, etc. professionals would at first say “Sorry that you are alone in this” and then look very relieved that I was all alone in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One note on terminology - at least in MD, “small estate” has a legal definition and it’s very low, either $30k or $50k total assets (I apologize that exact amount isn’t coming to mind). But in either case, this is not legally a small estate but a regular one.

Good luck, OP. I am an only child. When I was settling my mom’s estate, all the legal, tax, bank, etc. professionals would at first say “Sorry that you are alone in this” and then look very relieved that I was all alone in this.

That is true about the legal terminology: I know in the state my parents died in the amount for a “small estate” is $50,000. At the same time, we ended when the estate is $8-900,000, when you’re splitting it between a few siblings, it makes a difference if the executor sibling is skimming a bit off the top of many of the transactions.

Example: we had a friend whose sibling was selling the estate’s personal property. Technically, all the money from those sales is supposed to go to the estate. This sibling was selling things and then writing receipts that indicated the item sold for less than the actual amount. So, for instance, they sold a used car for $7,000 but the receipt said the car sold for $5,000. The executor pocketed the extra $2,000. Luckily, in my friend’s case, the executor sold an item to someone my friend knew and the truth came out. My friend thinks her sibling probably pocketed thousands of extra dollars doing this, but there’s no way to prove it and the other siblings will never be able to get their share of that money. I knew their parents and I am sure their parents would have been so disappointed with the behavior of this sibling, but I doubt she cares. She has the money and she doesn’t really care about her other siblings.

[Anonymous]

I am op who originally posted in Jan and was surprised to see post got revived. Thanks all. To update, 8 months later we are still at square 1, waiting resolution. Our lawyer keeps pinging executor etc. We are at nearly 7 years on. We were at a family reunion a month or so ago. We say her and said hello, made a little group small talk with her. Small talk from us was about safe subjects like how's work, the weather, summer vacation plans etc. So it wouldn't be awkward. She seemed very uncomfortable and wouldn't make eye contact much and spent the rest of the reunion at the other side of the room. Not a good sign. I'm very discouraged and frustrated with our lawyer too. Our lawyer said she's stonewalling even him.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. I will never know for sure if I got screwed or not by the other 2 parties (my aunts) named as equal beneficiaries when my grandmother passed away. They did not think I deserved to get 1/3. It took almost 5 years to be settled.

On another note, let's not ever let this happen to our children:

https://getyourshittogether.org/checklist/

[Anonymous]

To answer the original question, yes, I also had an inheritance nightmare, although with a different set of circumstances. My father was dying and had only days to live, and had made a will leaving me a lot of his estate. My stepmother - who was in the process of divorcing my dad - showed up at the hospital and spent the last few days of his life screaming at me and berating him, until I finally renounced the entire will, refusing even to be executor, which he had named me. I walked away from a lot of money and some valuable real estate just to get away from her, and in the hopes that my dad might be able to die in peace. The worst thing was that even after my dad was gone and she was set to inherit everything, she refused to pay for funeral expenses and refused to turn over any of his personal property, including mementos from my childhood which had no monetary value. She kept every single little thing, and began communicating with me only through an attorney. And the worst thing was that we had had a good relationship for many years before that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the original question, yes, I also had an inheritance nightmare, although with a different set of circumstances. My father was dying and had only days to live, and had made a will leaving me a lot of his estate. My stepmother - who was in the process of divorcing my dad - showed up at the hospital and spent the last few days of his life screaming at me and berating him, until I finally renounced the entire will, refusing even to be executor, which he had named me. I walked away from a lot of money and some valuable real estate just to get away from her, and in the hopes that my dad might be able to die in peace. The worst thing was that even after my dad was gone and she was set to inherit everything, she refused to pay for funeral expenses and refused to turn over any of his personal property, including mementos from my childhood which had no monetary value. She kept every single little thing, and began communicating with me only through an attorney. And the worst thing was that we had had a good relationship for many years before that.

OP here. This is so awful. She took such advantage of you at your most vulnerable moments. One is under so much stress and undescribable pain while by the deathbed. No one can understand until you've been through it yourself. I wonder with people like her, how can she sleep well at night with her conscious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother in law died 6 years ago. Her daughter, my SIL was sole executor. The estate was messy BC late MIL was sloppy with paperwork. A year after MIL death, estate was no where to being settled and MIL house was getting into foreclosure. We got a panicked call from SIL executor asking us to lend the estate 40k to get the bank off the back. I was very hesitant but my husband (brother of executor) said he trusted his sister. We lent the estate 40k by paying off the note. ...... 40k is a lot to me on a teacher salary.

40k is alot no matter what your income level. What if MIL house was on TOD transfer at death to the SIL? What if the house was left to SIL? But since the SIL is executor I guess there was a will. If no will the court can appoint some one or an individual can petition the court to function as a personal rep or executor.

It appears the only facts known to OP is the MIL died 6 years ago and SIL asked for 40K when SIL controlled stock accounts and might or might not have been getting 100% of the house. Look that thing up on county or city real estate to even see who owns it.

Doesn't the executor have to file the will within a certain time? I have a relative who was executor of her brother's estate and she didn't file the will or do anything and an ambulance company went after her because they weren't getting paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the original question, yes, I also had an inheritance nightmare, although with a different set of circumstances. My father was dying and had only days to live, and had made a will leaving me a lot of his estate. My stepmother - who was in the process of divorcing my dad - showed up at the hospital and spent the last few days of his life screaming at me and berating him, until I finally renounced the entire will, refusing even to be executor, which he had named me. I walked away from a lot of money and some valuable real estate just to get away from her, and in the hopes that my dad might be able to die in peace. The worst thing was that even after my dad was gone and she was set to inherit everything, she refused to pay for funeral expenses and refused to turn over any of his personal property, including mementos from my childhood which had no monetary value. She kept every single little thing, and began communicating with me only through an attorney. And the worst thing was that we had had a good relationship for many years before that.

Have you spoken to a lawyer about this situation? Her actions seem so egregious that it’s hard to believe there isn’t a way to show that she took advantage of someone who was not completely of “sound mind” because he was dying.

[Anonymous]

Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did op even say they ever saw a copy of the will? The executor has to file the will and the will is public so it's easy to get a copy.

OP here. Yes actually when we were cleaning out deceased mother house (executor didn't life a finger and it took us days and days), we found copies of the will, and life insurance policies etc. We reviewed and handed all to executor. Executor was also beneficiary of life insurance policies. As far as estate account statements, she has outright refused on many occasions to give us bank statements or provide any kind of information on estate acct. We gave up asking.

In some states the executor is required to provide an accounting within thirty days of a request. Can you check with your lawyer about this?