SIL sort of annoying

[Anonymous]

SIL sent us a text last week of 2 v-day cards she was mailing for the kids. She texted on thurs, fri, and Sunday, asking if we got them yet. They came today. Then she asked me multiple questions about he dress she bought DD for her birthday - in October . She asked how many times it has been worn. (The answer is never bc SIL picked a full brown dress which I countered with several DD would love and which SIL did not like).

Every gift, every card, every item sent is like this. She needs 100 texts or emails to discuss the gift she plans to give and then another severL to see if it arrived and then more to determine how well it was loved.

Trust me - tomorrow's text with be "where are my cards? In their bedrooms on the bedside tables or on the mantle?"

[Anonymous]

This would drive me crazy too. It sounds like your SIL has some insecurity issues where everything she does needs to be validated. Do you usually text back right away? If so, maybe try waiting to respond. Or if you know she is sending something just say, "Will let you know when we get it." Or try other tactics to not keep the conversation open-ended.


Just curious, is she married and/or have kids?

[Anonymous]

I would be so annoyed. I hate when people give gifts with strings attached, which this seems to be a version of that.

Is it your DH sister? If so, I would try to divert to him be responsible for responding to all this nonsense about the gifts and cards. At the very least, I would start doing the fade out on responding to the ridiculous requests (not answer texts or emails right away, etc)

[Anonymous]

Take a picture of the dress on your kid and take off the dress. Takes two minutes to do tthat and text a picture, same with the cards on the mantel, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a picture of the dress on your kid and take off the dress. Takes two minutes to do tthat and text a picture, same with the cards on the mantel, etc.

It's a ridiculous task to add because someone sent your child a gift or a card. As long as you said thank you, that should be enough. Having to prove how much it is loved, used or displayed is not normal, reasonable or required.

[Anonymous]

I would text that I'll let her know when we get them and then ignore any other texts about it. Boundaries.

[Anonymous]

It's DHs sister. She generally texts/emails us in tandem. He never replies. It's just a bit much - even the first text in this series was a photo of the sealed cards - I mean, what is my response supposed to be? I think she wants gushing over her being such a great aunt, but it feels very fake to do so. I think I responded "cute. Kids will like that!"

She has no husband /boyfriend/kids /pet.

[Anonymous]

Don't respond to all of them. Of course thank her when you receive something, but you don't need to reply to everything. Eventually she'll ask why you haven't replied and you can let her know how busy you are and that you don't text or check your email much.

Be sensitive to the fact that she has no husband or kids (if that's what she wants), and recognize that doing this gives her some kind of purpose, but you don't need to drop everything to deal with those questions. Has she spent much time around the kids? When my ILs spend time here they leave looking like they've been through a war, and for a little while stop bugging us about little things, because they get a sense of just how busy we are.

[Anonymous]

Like PP said, respond with a thank you with the gift/card arrives. But other than that, you are under no obligation to respond. I would ignore all the other texts. If you absolutely feel you have to respond to a text, keep it to the shortest response. Challenge yourself to type the fewest characters.

"Ok"
"Thnx"
"Yes"
"No."

[Anonymous]

be nice to her she's part of your family make her feel like it. I was a young single aunt & I did a lot for my niece and nephew. I did it because i really love them but it was nice to feel appreciated and part of their lives. Married with my own kids now but those two kids are among my favorite people on earth.

[Anonymous]

She's asking to be part of your lives more, and to develop a relationship with your kids. Ask her to babysit one night, or send the kids to her house to play.

[Anonymous]

Very annoying.

Keep effort/responses to a minimum, but don't exclude her or cut her off. She just sounds very socially awkward.

[Anonymous]

Wait a day or two to respond.
Only send her one response.
Ignore most of her intrusive questions, such as where the cards her or how many times DD wore the dress. Thank her for the cards and gifts without any detail.

She is clueless and needs to understand you don't have the time for all that. Plus her questions are actually rather rude, so ignore the ones that intrude in your private life.
She will eventually understand - more so if and when she has kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(The answer is never bc SIL picked a full brown dress which I countered with several DD would love and which SIL did not like).

Don't get involved in disagreeing with her choices--she obviously wants to give what she wants to give! If you want, make an Amazon wish list. If SIL asks for ideas, send the list. But otherwise don't try to shape her choices.

Then, be effusive but brief when something arrives. "Thanks for the lovely dress!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's asking to be part of your lives more, and to develop a relationship with your kids. Ask her to babysit one night, or send the kids to her house to play.

I'm guessing she doesn't live close enough for this.