Dress Codes and Gender

[Anonymous]

With the recent topics on slut shaming, a few things that have happened around our house got me thinking. And I'm curious about other people's thoughts.
My 16 yo stepson and 6 year old daughter go to the same school. The other day, my DSS came down to school dressed, not that unusually, in jeans with a few holes in them and an old t-shirt with some writing on the front. My husband rarely notices, but this time he did and asked him to change the shirt. My DSS said that no one at school cares about the dress code for boys, only for girls. So, I have no way of knowing if this is true, but its certainly an impression that DSS has.

Later that week, I was in the library with my daughter, when there was an after school meeting for 11th grade. It was about dress code enforcement. The teacher must have spent a good five minutes detailing all the girl's infractions, including discussing thongs, butt cheeks, and how uncomfortable certain outfits were making teachers. She then spent 30 seconds saying that the guys needed to stop wearing shirts with writing and pictures. It was very apparent that the girl's, sexuality based, offenses were serious, and the boys were just an afterthought.

Now, I know the dress code at the school. There is nothing about gender in the code itself, but, practically, the girls tend to have infractions that have to do with skirt/short length, tightness, and lack of sleeves. The boys tend to have the clothes with holes and the shirts with letters and graphics. And, when I'm at the school, there is as least as many infractions occurring from the boys as from the girls.

I only have two data points, but I was so uncomfortable with how the girl's infractions seemed to be considered much more serious than the boys infractions.

Im all for a dress code. But, it should be about appropriate clothes for school. If its against the code, it should all be against the code equally. It was just very uncomfortable and felt like the girls and sexuality were really be emphasized and punished in an inequitable manner.

[Anonymous]

The fact is there are more inappropriate ways for girls to dress than for boys. And some of the styles of clothing for girls available in stores are far more inappropriate than what you would find in the guys section.

For boys, wearing pants too low and showing boxers or wearing a shirt with offensive writing isn't goin to be seen as bad as a girl wearing short shorts where you can see her butt cheeks. Is it ridiculous that they don't enforce equally? Yes. But I don't think the fact that there are more dress codes for girls than boys is a reflection of a sexist attitude by the school.

[Anonymous]

Your point is well taken -- there is a double standard. The issue is that girls clothing, for better or worse, includes a much wider range of choice and much of that is designed to push the envelop sexually with skin baring/figure hugging being the norm. There really isn't much equivalency with boys' clothing. I do wish as a culture we spent more time teaching boys about proper behavior with girls, especially the importance of unambiguous consent before having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Im all for a dress code. But, it should be about appropriate clothes for school. If its against the code, it should all be against the code equally. It was just very uncomfortable and felt like the girls and sexuality were really be emphasized and punished in an inequitable manner.

OP, I agree with you completely, but I think that we are in the minority, unfortunately. What's more, dress code enforcement for girls tends to be body enforcement.

Here is my idea of a school dress code:

1. You must wear street clothes. No swim suits or pajamas.
2. Clothes should be clean and hole-less.
3. Underwear should be covered.
4. Writing on clothes should not be offensive.

And here is my dress code for my daughters: you may not wear anything to school that will distract you from concentrating on your schoolwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact is there are more inappropriate ways for girls to dress than for boys. And some of the styles of clothing for girls available in stores are far more inappropriate than what you would find in the guys section.

For boys, wearing pants too low and showing boxers or wearing a shirt with offensive writing isn't goin to be seen as bad as a girl wearing short shorts where you can see her butt cheeks. Is it ridiculous that they don't enforce equally? Yes. But I don't think the fact that there are more dress codes for girls than boys is a reflection of a sexist attitude by the school.

No, that's not a fact. That's a result of the way we define "inappropriate".

[Anonymous]

Op here. Just to clarify, the dress code, as written, is gender neutral. My personal, if unscientific, observations from being on campus is that the raw numbers of infractions are both plentiful and pretty evenly divided. So, it's purely the attitude that the girl type of infractions are worthy of much more discussion than the boy type that bothered me. Plus, the fact, that true or not, my dss has internalized the fact that only girls will get called out and punished for breaking the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Im all for a dress code. But, it should be about appropriate clothes for school. If its against the code, it should all be against the code equally. It was just very uncomfortable and felt like the girls and sexuality were really be emphasized and punished in an inequitable manner.

OP, I agree with you completely, but I think that we are in the minority, unfortunately. What's more, dress code enforcement for girls tends to be body enforcement.

Here is my idea of a school dress code:

1. You must wear street clothes. No swim suits or pajamas.
2. Clothes should be clean and hole-less.
3. Underwear should be covered.
4. Writing on clothes should not be offensive.

.

Op here. That's pretty much the dress code with the exception that you have to have sleeves and no writing or pictures at all. I'm guessing they don't want to be in the business of deciding what's appropriate or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Im all for a dress code. But, it should be about appropriate clothes for school. If its against the code, it should all be against the code equally. It was just very uncomfortable and felt like the girls and sexuality were really be emphasized and punished in an inequitable manner.

OP, I agree with you completely, but I think that we are in the minority, unfortunately. What's more, dress code enforcement for girls tends to be body enforcement.

Here is my idea of a school dress code:

1. You must wear street clothes. No swim suits or pajamas.
2. Clothes should be clean and hole-less.
3. Underwear should be covered.
4. Writing on clothes should not be offensive.

.

Op here. That's pretty much the dress code with the exception that you have to have sleeves and no writing or pictures at all. I'm guessing they don't want to be in the business of deciding what's appropriate or not.

That's the dress code, and yet the administration talks about the tightness/shortness of girls' clothing and the uncomfortableness of teachers? They're really setting themselves up.

[Anonymous]

At my ds's private, the admin cares more about what the boys are wearing. Girls show up in uggs, rainbow knee socks, and all other ridiculous footwear while boys must wear neutral socks and the appropriate shoes. Boys must tuck their shirts in and wear a belt, girls do not have to. Skirt length is supposed to be regulated, but it's not.

[Anonymous]

Showing arms should not be an issue, especially since you live in an area where it's often over 90 degrees in June and September. That's just a ridiculous one.

I agree with your feeling. At the same time, I'm sure if boys were wearing skirts that were too short it WOULD become an issue to be addressed. But boys don't show off their bodies in the same ways girls show off theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Showing arms should not be an issue, especially since you live in an area where it's often over 90 degrees in June and September. That's just a ridiculous one.

I agree with your feeling. At the same time, I'm sure if boys were wearing skirts that were too short it WOULD become an issue to be addressed. But boys don't show off their bodies in the same ways girls show off theirs.

It's a dress code, not a body code.

[Anonymous]

OP- your experience is very similar to mine as well. I think a double standard exists with the primary focus being on girls pushing the limits with revealing outfits. That being said- most clothing options for guys that would push the boundaries of dress codes are drug/alcohol/swearing shirts and pants worn too low. If you've got 15 minutes to discuss the dress code and you only need less than 5 to say "don't wear a t-shirt with a picture of a bong on it" and over 10 to list the most common infractions by girls (i.e. showing whale tail) is it truly a double-standard?

I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- your experience is very similar to mine as well. I think a double standard exists with the primary focus being on girls pushing the limits with revealing outfits. That being said- most clothing options for guys that would push the boundaries of dress codes are drug/alcohol/swearing shirts and pants worn too low. If you've got 15 minutes to discuss the dress code and you only need less than 5 to say "don't wear a t-shirt with a picture of a bong on it" and over 10 to list the most common infractions by girls (i.e. showing whale tail) is it truly a double-standard?

I don't know.

I think that "no visible underwear" covers a lot of possibilities with 14 minutes and 50 seconds left over.

[Anonymous]

Why are dress codes such a controversial issue? What could possibly be needed beyond:

No visible underwear or parts of the body that would be covered by said underwear.

No references to drugs, alcohol, sex, or violence.

Nothing racist or hateful.

Nothing gang related.

Shoes must be worn at all times.

Doesn't that pretty much cover all the issues without room to seem sexist or whatever?

That said, dress codes are pretty basic. Wouldn't we all want to teach our kids (daughters and sons) how to have a professional appearance in a professional environment? Why the focus on helping them ind ways to push the envelope and get around the rules because 'the rules are sexist'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Showing arms should not be an issue, especially since you live in an area where it's often over 90 degrees in June and September. That's just a ridiculous one.

I agree with your feeling. At the same time, I'm sure if boys were wearing skirts that were too short it WOULD become an issue to be addressed. But boys don't show off their bodies in the same ways girls show off theirs.

It's a dress code, not a body code.

Well, since dress = clothing and clothing exists to cover the body I'm not sure I see your point.

If someone's dress is inappropriately revealing for a school (professional) activity, obviously that comes under the dress code.