WOHM Moms, I need some advice

[Anonymous]

I'm at a crossroads and need some advice.

I'm asking for advice from moms who work outside the home because ultimately, I will work out of the home regardless. Being a SAHM is not for me right now.

I was offered a position standing up a new office which would be high visibility and a great career move. I have been wanting something like this for years and I know that I would excel but I have two children under 3 and I'm not sure what the right decision is anymore. DH is amazingly supportive but it would put a lot on him for the next 12-18 months. I also wanted a third child but this would push that out as well (to a point where i would be AMA). I know you can't make the decision for me but can you yell me how you came to your decision to either go for the "big" job or stay put. I wish there was an easy way to make this decision without feeling like I'm choosing one or the other.

[Anonymous]

Stay put

[Anonymous]

Don't have 3rd kid unless and until you have worked out reliable childcare (and back up) AND reliable help for household chores (and back up).

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, 3 and 1, and work at a job that has a long commute and lots of travel. The key is a wildly supportive husband and nanny. We also have backups if we need more hours than the nanny can provide, plus the grandparents are always happy to come over.

It works. My DD3 plays pretend "work" rather than pretend "house" but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at a crossroads and need some advice.

I'm asking for advice from moms who work outside the home because ultimately, I will work out of the home regardless. Being a SAHM is not for me right now.

I was offered a position standing up a new office which would be high visibility and a great career move. I have been wanting something like this for years and I know that I would excel but I have two children under 3 and I'm not sure what the right decision is anymore. DH is amazingly supportive but it would put a lot on him for the next 12-18 months. I also wanted a third child but this would push that out as well (to a point where i would be AMA). I know you can't make the decision for me but can you yell me how you came to your decision to either go for the "big" job or stay put. I wish there was an easy way to make this decision without feeling like I'm choosing one or the other.

AMA like 35 or AMA like 42? Big difference. "AMA" is basically an arbitrary distinction. Your fertility gradually declines starting basically from your teens. If you've had no trouble getting pregnant before and you're talking about being 35, 36, 37, I wouldn't worry about it. IF you're talking about over 40 and you really feel like your life would be invcomplete without a third child, that's more relevant.

[Anonymous]

What was your husband's thoughts on the career and 3rd kid?

[Anonymous]

I don't see the correlation between taking the job and holding off the third child. Why can't you do both? And what's different about this job that would cause burden on your husband?

If it were me, I'd take the job. You can find ways to make your life work for you- such as hiring cleaners, mother helpers, grocery deliveries, etc.

Think about regrets.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP that if it just means being 35, I wouldn't worry so much.

My question: How much can DH flex his job? Can he be the one to take most sick days, do drop off and pick-up, keep the household running? And/or, would your gig pay enough for you to hire good help.

Frankly, what you describe sounds stressful and awful to me personally, but if it's what you've dreamed of for years and really is a fixed duration of 12-18 months, you might want to take the chance and see where it gets you.

Good luck figuring it out!

[Anonymous]

I'm super pro WOHMs, but I do feel like having a "big job" and having 3 kids sounds tough (I'm a working mom of 2).

Since you have a supportive spouse who sounds like he would be a true partner in sick days etc. if you return to work (assume that is what you mean by supportive), I would take the job and get a great nanny as well, if you think you can have some flexibility in your schedule and it's a good opportunity. But, we never considered a third child, so that might change things.

[Anonymous]

I was in a very similar situation a year ago, OP: had a newborn and a two year old, and my dream job landed in my lap. I turned it down. It simply would have been more long hours than I want. I'm happy to outsource things like cleaning, groceries, etc., but am not willing to give up time with my kids when they're young. That, I would regret.

I'm also not willing to put myself in a position that is so stressful it leaves me little emotional reserves for my family. Also something I'd regret. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Oh, honey. Take the job. Seriously. If you are 34, and have a supportive husband (lucky lucky) you will be fine. Take the job and don't look back.

I found one thing to be so startling when I went back to work. I also had two under three and was crazy worried. But here's the thing. Daycare is amazing. The kids are happy and burn a ton of energy and are learning and playing and just great. My house which was a mess constantly needs so, so much less upkeep because we're all gone all day. My DH and I split our schedules, so I do drop off and he does pick up. And I am so, so happy again. I cannot say how lonely and bored and lost I was as a SAHM. I couldn't find a rhythm.

I am pregnant again with our third and honestly have no qualms about doing daycare again, but we are doing the nanny route because of cost (nanny will be dropping the older kids at church daycare which is very cheap).

I guess the thing I am saying is to not let opportunity pass you by. I have friends who did this and they really regret it.

[Anonymous]

If you take the job and find its a huge mistake, you can always leave. But you can't re-create an opportunity like this. It sounds like you want it. Then you should take it.

I say this as a SAHM with no regrets that I stayed. But am now facing a separation/divorce and it would be nice to have a career to support myself! You never know whats going to happen in life, and having a job, especially for a woman, is something I am now a BIG PROPONENT of!

Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you take the job and find its a huge mistake, you can always leave. But you can't re-create an opportunity like this. It sounds like you want it. Then you should take it.

I agree. Look for a good nanny who can provide childcare but also keep your house running smoothly (throw in laundry, do light meal prep, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you take the job and find its a huge mistake, you can always leave. But you can't re-create an opportunity like this. It sounds like you want it. Then you should take it.

I also agree. You give up nothing by trying it, but you give up a lot by letting it pass by. It's hard to re-enter the workforce after being a SAHM, and if you think an opportunity like this may not come along again, you should go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you take the job and find its a huge mistake, you can always leave. But you can't re-create an opportunity like this. It sounds like you want it. Then you should take it.

I agree. Look for a good nanny who can provide childcare but also keep your house running smoothly (throw in laundry, do light meal prep, etc.)

I also agree. Also, while I hate "Lean In", I do agree with one of the points in the book about not making decisions because of some future you aren't sure you are going to have. i.e. maybe you won't be able to have the 3rd child.

I'd do it and outsource as much as possible.