WOHM Moms, I need some advice

[Anonymous]

I'd say go for it. I have a 5, 3 and 1 year old and started my dream job about 4 months ago. I was a SAHM for over 3 years but this new opportunity has been awesome. My family is still thriving. Get a great nanny who helps with light household stuff (kids laundry, toy pick up, emptying dishwasher, etc.) It's makes everything possible. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, do the actual math on now much time you would be with your kids, how the drop off/pick up would work, commute, discuss different sick day scenarios with your husband, add up the costs of a nanny, housekeeper, lawncare, what your expectations for weekends, family visits, would look like and go from there.
For me, the actual breakdown of a day (up at 530 am, DC 1 up at 6, in car by 620 am, DC2 with DH at 630 am to metro by 640 am) was eye opening for me and DH

[Anonymous]

I say this as a WOHM with 2 kids under age 6 with also a very supportive husband. Make sure you know what you are getting into and make sure your husband does too. If it's a big job with lots of travel and long hours no matter how much support you have it doesn't change the fact that you will be spending very little time with your family. I had my dream job up till last yr and in fact I worked from home a lot when not traveling. It literally burnt me out for 3 yrs. I was always stressed out about work and there was no work life balance whatsoever. I left that company and found another one that I'm much happier with. I don't have to worry about politics. I go in by 9 and home by 6. And when I'm home I'm rarely thinking of work. Is it my dream job? No but im much much happier and so is my family. I'm not trying to discourage you just saying that you should know exactly what you are getting into and be okay with it. Your husband too.

[Anonymous]

Take the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this as a WOHM with 2 kids under age 6 with also a very supportive husband. Make sure you know what you are getting into and make sure your husband does too. If it's a big job with lots of travel and long hours no matter how much support you have it doesn't change the fact that you will be spending very little time with your family. I had my dream job up till last yr and in fact I worked from home a lot when not traveling. It literally burnt me out for 3 yrs. I was always stressed out about work and there was no work life balance whatsoever. I left that company and found another one that I'm much happier with. I don't have to worry about politics. I go in by 9 and home by 6. And when I'm home I'm rarely thinking of work. Is it my dream job? No but im much much happier and so is my family. I'm not trying to discourage you just saying that you should know exactly what you are getting into and be okay with it. Your husband too.

This also happened to me. I took the big job and completely burnt out after 3 years -- as in became very ill burnt out. Now I'm a SAHM which is not what I ever intended. It would have made a big difference in my case if my DH had not also been working at a demanding job with lots of travel at the same time. Will your DH pick up the pieces and spend time with the kids if you take the job? Split pick ups and drop offs and take the kids to the doctor when they are sick during the middle of the day? DH needs to be both supportive and available, especially if you have 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

I returned to a "big job" after a couple of years of SAH and consulting projects. A cautionary note: having a big job after kids is very different than before kids (I've had both). Yes, I have a supportive husband (although he also has work commitments that sometimes overlap with mine) and I have a good nanny. No family in the area - so no help in that area.

My point is that even if your company professes to want some type of work-life balance, etc., the reality of being a senior level exec with big responsibilities means that you must be ready to do what is necessary - sometimes early mornings, late nights, weekends, and responding to crises that arise out of nowhere.

All of this means you will likely need to say "no" to a lot of things you'd like to say "yes" to in your real-life. For example, class holiday party: sorry, no; volunteer for field trip: no; lunch with friends during the week: no; reliable carpool participant: no; guaranteed evening-book-reader or bath-giver: no.

I wanted to jump back in and fell very lucky to have landed a "great" job that offers financial and career rewards. But, make no mistake, there are very real, very big tradeoffs that I feel every single week.

Go with your gut, make the best decision you can and adjust if you need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I returned to a "big job" after a couple of years of SAH and consulting projects. A cautionary note: having a big job after kids is very different than before kids (I've had both). Yes, I have a supportive husband (although he also has work commitments that sometimes overlap with mine) and I have a good nanny. No family in the area - so no help in that area.

My point is that even if your company professes to want some type of work-life balance, etc., the reality of being a senior level exec with big responsibilities means that you must be ready to do what is necessary - sometimes early mornings, late nights, weekends, and responding to crises that arise out of nowhere.

All of this means you will likely need to say "no" to a lot of things you'd like to say "yes" to in your real-life. For example, class holiday party: sorry, no; volunteer for field trip: no; lunch with friends during the week: no; reliable carpool participant: no; guaranteed evening-book-reader or bath-giver: no.

I wanted to jump back in and fell very lucky to have landed a "great" job that offers financial and career rewards. But, make no mistake, there are very real, very big tradeoffs that I feel every single week.

Go with your gut, make the best decision you can and adjust if you need to.

Yup this is what I mean. It's all the "nos" that will start to bother you because you end up saying no to your family more than what you bargained for. This was the issue that I had to deal with which is why i left. Also be extra careful if the
Office is mostly single people or those with no family obligations because you will feel extra pressure to put in as many hours as they do.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, giving up my dream job for children, imaginary or real, wouldn't be a good thing. Neither would postponing another child (I've done that and wound up w secondary infertility). Frankly, I'd do both, outsource as much as possible, and know it will be crazy at first.

[Anonymous]

PP here- I'd also try to build in as much flexibility for #3 or other things in life as part of your negotiations for this job. Think what you want in life and go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I returned to a "big job" after a couple of years of SAH and consulting projects. A cautionary note: having a big job after kids is very different than before kids (I've had both). Yes, I have a supportive husband (although he also has work commitments that sometimes overlap with mine) and I have a good nanny. No family in the area - so no help in that area.

My point is that even if your company professes to want some type of work-life balance, etc., the reality of being a senior level exec with big responsibilities means that you must be ready to do what is necessary - sometimes early mornings, late nights, weekends, and responding to crises that arise out of nowhere.

All of this means you will likely need to say "no" to a lot of things you'd like to say "yes" to in your real-life. For example, class holiday party: sorry, no; volunteer for field trip: no; lunch with friends during the week: no; reliable carpool participant: no; guaranteed evening-book-reader or bath-giver: no.

I wanted to jump back in and fell very lucky to have landed a "great" job that offers financial and career rewards. But, make no mistake, there are very real, very big tradeoffs that I feel every single week.

Go with your gut, make the best decision you can and adjust if you need to.

Yup this is what I mean. It's all the "nos" that will start to bother you because you end up saying no to your family more than what you bargained for. This was the issue that I had to deal with which is why i left. Also be extra careful if the
Office is mostly single people or those with no family obligations because you will feel extra pressure to put in as many hours as they do.

Thank you for this. Reconsidered applying to a start-up because of this comment.