Should I reach out to cousin?

[Anonymous]

Me and one of my cousins were best friends almost like sisters with each other. We hung out together all the time and would always spend the night at each other's house even as adults. We had an incident last year where our husbands and some guy friends of my husband hung out at a bar in DC while we had a girls night in. Around 9pm my cousin started freaking out that her husband was still out and demanded he come home. I tried to get her to calm down and she basically yelled at me and went crazy. He got home about an hour later and she was upset and pissed. Since that day I have rarely heard from her? I've reached out to her several times and the response has been I'm fine, but anytime I invite her out she is always busy. She doesn't pick up the phone but she will text me. This has gone on for over a year. So I finally said forget it, the relationship is done even though it makes me feel very sad.

My mom really thinks I need to continue reaching out to her because we were so close. My cousin's dad also left her mom for another woman and she thinks my cousin is hypersensitive about her man being out without her and may be embarrased about what happened. Should I let it go or continue to reach out to her?

[Anonymous]

I doubt it's about you, honestly. It's more likely that she's having issues in her marriage and you witnessed something she's embarrassed about. Those feelings of shame are being taken out on you, but it's really not about you at all.

I think keep including her and trying to stay in touch. Try other ways to show that you're there for her without being too pushy. Perhaps try to connect in a different way (a shared activity or something).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me and one of my cousins were best friends almost like sisters with each other. We hung out together all the time and would always spend the night at each other's house even as adults. We had an incident last year where our husbands and some guy friends of my husband hung out at a bar in DC while we had a girls night in. Around 9pm my cousin started freaking out that her husband was still out and demanded he come home. I tried to get her to calm down and she basically yelled at me and went crazy. He got home about an hour later and she was upset and pissed. Since that day I have rarely heard from her? I've reached out to her several times and the response has been I'm fine, but anytime I invite her out she is always busy. She doesn't pick up the phone but she will text me. This has gone on for over a year. So I finally said forget it, the relationship is done even though it makes me feel very sad.

My mom really thinks I need to continue reaching out to her because we were so close. My cousin's dad also left her mom for another woman and she thinks my cousin is hypersensitive about her man being out without her and may be embarrased about what happened. Should I let it go or continue to reach out to her?

She must feel humiliated by her behavior and feels ashamed of her predicament. Hello, arm-chair psychic here. Can you reach out about something really low-intensity, like asking advice about a dress purchase? Or, a color choice? Something that could invite a response? You know how too much texting results in a phone call? Aim for that sort of back and forth. Keep texting. No one knew about my ex-husband's bad habits, but I would have cringed if any of my friend's had a clue. You're not just a witness to her hysteria, you're a reminder. Ick. Do what you can to distract her and break this link. Obsess on a Pinterest post or a new Instagram whatever. If you are truly like sisters, you'll take it slow and keep an eye on your long-term relationship.

Please don't bring up anything about the 9pm situation and leave her husband out of any conversations you may have for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. She doesn't trust her husband and now she's ashamed because you know it. I bet there's more to it than just fear because of her father. You should be there for her and try to be understanding. Must be scary to be that worried. Keep making offers. If texting is her preferred communication, then text.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP's, it's not about you. There's more going on and she is probably embarrassed. I would continue to try and reach out to her, but don't pressure.

I think you are aware her reaction was disproportionate to what occurred and she needs some help dealing with what is bugging her.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's cheatEd in the past and now she's embarrassed. Continue to reach out.

[Anonymous]

Another one agreeing that this isn't about you. It's about her marriage, some level(s) of shame/embarassment, etc...

Keep gently reaching out and be there whenever she decides to resume a connection.

Don't let anyone else push yourself into more aggressive attempts that don't feel right to you. Just say you're staying in touch and the door is open if and when she wants to reconnect more fully.

[Anonymous]

I think you should suggest an activity where it's clear you don't want to talk about the incident. Like a movie double date or bowling. Nothing that implies sit-down girl chat intervention.

[Anonymous]

Who were the other people you had a girls night with? Is she still in touch with those women? If so, continue to include your cousin in girlfriend outings, but I'd take a break from trying to initiate one on one get togethers. She's uncomfortable for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who were the other people you had a girls night with? Is she still in touch with those women? If so, continue to include your cousin in girlfriend outings, but I'd take a break from trying to initiate one on one get togethers. She's uncomfortable for whatever reason.

It was just us two.

[Anonymous]

I think given the situation it is a reasonable explanation but she also could be having a mental health issue. Maybe she was having a panic attack and only her husband can talk her out of it? I would keep reading out every once in a while. Maybe invite them both out so she isn't separated from him.